Assaulted minefield explosion aerial tire blows out car spins into the lake the sharks pick up the rusty pieces pieces deadly aggression attacking celebrate blood blood death and bile is all I hear venom spews out and hits him he bites they trade their aggressions unaware of the humiliating mindfuck they put themselves through I almost laugh sometimes when they all fly to the window smack blood and bones dissappear suddenly repairman? I don’t know am I he or is he one of them could I turn into a shark inside of the expressing expressing the temptations obsessive of expression paramount excitement reverb sounds the room spins upside down and actually…
Margins are so fun because you can express how sideways everything is the charismatic diamond-tipped pen writing ink beautiful moreso than I will this freewrite jog my mind or is this a sprint which will tire it? I honestly don’t understand know or care the rocking back and forth of the deadly cradle abyssal creatures reign from lower highers rolling coffee turntable sexual brazen lifeform hanging off of the ceiling stop screaming!
Get the threat across with course laughter rather than sweet screaming show them you aren’t afraid to die for your cause live by your cause never fucking surrender anteating BILE this writing is bile. Oh, thanks, JERK!
The pace kind of reminds me of someone pounding… maybe pounding a nail into a wall. It felt kinda constant, unending… and it made me wonder what prompted you to write it. Anyway, your freewrites are always interesting, since it’s like dipping into some chaotic portion of your mind… portions of with I feel I can relate with.
<s>Yosh, to put it nicely, that is really stereotypical. To say that metal (or any other music for that matter) degrades your intelligence is a load of dingo kidneys…and I’m not even gonna touch the ‘gothic’ comment. >=P
…and the poem has NOTHING to do with either of those, anyway.</s>
Originally posted by Trillian Yosh, to put it nicely, that is really stereotypical. To say that metal (or any other music for that matter) degrades your intelligence is a load of dingo kidneys…
Except for saccharine bubblegum pop music, which has been scientifically proven to diminish cognitive skills. Thousands of man-hours of research, logging IM conversations between adolescent girls in Britney Spears Fan chat rooms stands behind this assertion. All the broken sentence structure and intentional spelling errors… it’s all there.
Anyway, um, back on topic… really interesting piece, though if I recall correctly last time you showed me this, you mentioned that when you wrote it out on paper, the part that talks about writing in the margins of life was actually written in the margins…that would be a rather interesting affect to see. If you have access to scanning capability, I think it would be rather interesting to
see you scan and show off the notepaper, so we can get a sense of how it looks.
Nice job. Have you checked out Henry Rollins? I wonder if the conclusion is not a bit didactic. Didactic is good as long as it doesn’t take away from or impede the the train of thought. Anger can be difficult to propagate(sp).
Originally posted by rothalion Nice job. Have you checked out Henry Rollins? I wonder if the conclusion is not a bit didactic. Didactic is good as long as it doesn’t take away from or impede the the train of thought. Anger can be difficult to propagate(sp).
I have not checked out Henry Rollins, and I never really thought of the conclusion as being excessively preachy or whatever. I suppose it could be read that way, though. Thank you for your insight.
What you said actually made me think about the situation that this piece pertains to… hmm. I’m not getting into specifics, but you might have helped unwittingly.