Another On Earth piece.

The Core Media Forum
1

I know I do this a lot, but I felt the need to know. My original direction with the possible on Earth sequel was going to be much more light hearted. Well, it still is, but I found that I simply can only go for so long without something dark tumbling out of my brain. I need feedback. It’s supposed to be dark, maybe a little disturbing, but I need the emotional factor on it. Does it work? Or is it just so ambitiously twisted that it comes off cheesy?

Unnamed On Earth as it is in Hell Sequel- Scott Kharan dream sequence.

<p>
<p><i>Over here!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i>What are you doing? Keep your head down!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>No.</b>
<p>
<p><i>I saw the fireworks!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i>No honey, those aren’t fireworks. C’mon, this way.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Left, you idiot. Left.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Watch your step, sweetie, it’s slippery.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Jesus. Slip and fall.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Pick me up!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i>I can’t now, we have to move. Please, don’t go ahead.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>She always goes ahead.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Watch your head, the ceiling is low.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Might knock off her bow otherwise. I remember giving that to her. Christmas.</b>
<p><b></b>
<p><i>What was that?</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i>Nothing, nothing. Keep moving.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Stop here, you dumb fuck. Don’t go out.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Daddy, I’m scared!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i>I know, I know. We’ll be safe soon.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Liar.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Just have to go a little further.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>And she believed you. And you believed yourself.</b>
<p>
<p><i>No Emily, not that way!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Give me an alternative.</b>
<p>
<p><i>(A child’s scream.)</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i>Emily!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Give me a different ending.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Please, don’t shoot, please! We were only hiding!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i>Daddy!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Give me <i>anything.</i></b>
<p>
<p><i>That’s right, we surrender, please, don’t shoot.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Anything but this.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Daddy, help!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i>Thank you, thank you, Emily come here.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Come here?</b>
<p>
<p><i>Take my hand, it’s all right.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>You killed her.</b>
<p>
<p><i>It’s all right now. It’s all right.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>You forgot, you <i>forgot </i>you son of a bitch. Friendly fire. Mortars don’t pick and choose.</b>
<p>
<p><i>(An explosion.)</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>On the wet rubble.</b>
<p>
<p><i>(Sounds of pain.)</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>She looked like a doll washed up on shore.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Emily?!</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>In that little blue dress.</b>
<p>
<p><i>Oh Jesus, no.</i>
<p><i></i>
<p><i></i><b>Oh Jesus, yes. Oh Jesus, save her.</b>
<p>
<p>
<p>Scott Kharan woke up, and the taste of the world was bitter.
<p>
<p>

</body>
</html>

2

Whoa! It’s got me wanting more.

Only thing is that it’s a little confusing at first to figure out that the bold text is someone watching the other part.

3

That was really well written. I especially liked the pace of it, and the last line was a very good way to end it, I thought.

4

I just finished watching Battle Royale. That dialogue could’ve been lifted from any part of that movie.

5

Is that a good or bad thing?

6

No rest for the wicked eh? Where’s the Kharadji (can’t spell) fella? He’s not doing his job, dammit!
I think the dialogue worked, it kept a good shocking pace and set the scene nicely even without much description.

7

It’s not bad. The violence implied by this scene reminded me of Battle Royale, which is a seriously violent and bloody movie but kinda sad in the end.

8

That is the Kharadjai fellow. I know their names are similar, easy to be confused.