just for you I’d give it all up
like draining the water from a tall cup
just for you I’d go to the ends of the earth
if only to bring you a little bit of mirth
through thick and through thin I’ll stand by your side
with ever ready ears in which to confide
just for you I’d be as strong as a boulder
to be there so you could cry on my shoulder
just for you I’d do anything I can
if only to give you a helping hand
there is nothing we can never mend
I will always be willing to call you, friend
-tgd
Something came over me a few minutes ago, and lines started to pop into my head… this is the result. I dedicated this to all of my friends that have seen me through rough times and also to those whom I haven’t known as long, but still share with me a special bond. I initially posted this in my journal so they could see it, but I figured I’d post it here too. I can’t help but get feedback on my work since I’m constantly wondering if I can write any better than I can already. Anyway, sleepy time… being up this late caused a fairly loose rhyme on the third and second to last lines. how sloppy of me :thud:
Bah, I don’t like it. It looks like you just decided the words you wanted to rhyme, then tried to put the words at the end of a sentance. And it came out less than good.
I have to agree that it wasn’t my best work, but I did write it for a good reason shrugs that’s what I get for trying to write poetry when my eyes are half shut and I can’t open them without feeling like I’m benchpressing 200 pounds:fungah:
I prefer metaphysical poetry, so this sorta stuff doesn’t really appeal to me much anymore. The idea is good, but the oever all stiffness and lack of flow from one line to another turned me off.
Originally posted by Sorcerer I prefer metaphysical poetry, so this sorta stuff doesn’t really appeal to me much anymore. The idea is good, but the oever all stiffness and lack of flow from one line to another turned me off.
Yeah… so maybe next time I should write something to turn you on? Perhaps that will get better ratings >_>
Originally posted by pokefreak_85 The general idea is very nice, but there’s just something missing when it comes to the poem itself…
Yeah… I got the right message across, but now that I look at it with a clear head (stupid 3am) I can clearly see that it is indeed missing something.
Thank you all for the posts. Maybe later I’ll try to rework this one into something that’s more… my usual caliber :thud:
Originally posted by tgd Yeah… so maybe next time I should write something to turn you on? Perhaps that will get better ratings >_>
Hentai baka. kick
Anyway, I already said this elsewhere, but I don’t understand what the 2nd line has to do with anything. And your explaination makes just as little sense.
Originally posted by Dragonessa
[b]Hentai baka. kick
Anyway, I already said this elsewhere, but I don’t understand what the 2nd line has to do with anything. And your explaination makes just as little sense. [/b]
Wow, nice jab at constructive criticisim. Don’t try to please me, write what you want. I don’t really care - you posted it here for our opinions, you got mine.
Not too bad, could have been better, but not bad. I like the idea the poem is on though.