So I was in the shower this morning and I just started thinking about things (bad jokes) I’ve said to people. All of these occurred while I worked at Walmart.
- I was just minding my own business when another coworker came up to me:
Her: Y’know, Jeremy, you’re kinda scary. Like I don’t think I’d wanna run into you in an alley.
Me: That’s ok, you’re not that pretty anyway.
She didn’t like that and then got pissy about me making a rape joke, insinuated she’d been raped, then after I apologized she told me she hadn’t been raped.
Don’t watch anime, lie about getting raped to make someone feel bad for joking with you.
- One of my friends at work likes to screw with people. He decided to mess with me one day by telling people that my girlfriend was pregnant. This happened about three times before I went up to him and a couple of other coworkers who were talking.
Him: Oh, hey, it’s Jeremy. Guys, did you know that Jeremy’s girlfriend is pregnant?
Coworkers: Really?
Me: No!
Him: Awww, he doesn’t want anyone to know yet. What do you want Jeremy, a boy or a girl?
Me: Stillbirth.
Don’t watch anime, make your coworkers laugh at dead baby jokes.
- For some reason while working I walked up to a bunch of coworkers talking about that Sarah McLachlan song (y’know, Angel) and about how that song is so sad and could go with anything and make it sad.
Me: I dunno, I mean, it’d be weird as shit to see that song in a porn or something. Not sad, just really fucking weird.
Don’t watch anime, make extremely suggestive pelvic thrusts while singing “in the arms of the angel” in the style of DVDA and ruin the song for coworkers forever.
Oh shit, btw guys, did you watch DBZ: Battle of Gods? Resurrection of Freeza is out next year too.