Alone in the Dark

The Fucking Movie

It’s seriously gonna suck. Bad. As gamers, we must now state how much it will suck, and how much we hate Uwe Boll, and most video game movies. We should also probably include nostalgia about the glory days of adventure games, and diss AitD4, as well.

Also, we will don Edward Carnby fedorah’s and hit on women with satanically possesed uncles. Right? No? Fine. I will.

I don’t know, the alone on the dark series was enspired by the works of HP Lovecraft (well, the first game was). This might not be as bad as you think.

If its being directed by Uwe Bolle, the same guy who is BURTALLY RAPING THE DOOM MOVIE, this is doomed to suck even more.

I know, the first Alone in the Dark games were good (1-3, although 1 was the best), but none of them had: a) machine gun toting cops, b) a cast of larger than 2, c) a cliche ‘end of the world’ story, d) whatever those monsters were, or e) any affiliation with Uwe Boll.
They did have: a) 1920s/'30s style, which fit, b) a fitting title, seeing as how Carnby or Elizabeth was actually alone, and it was pretty dark, c) a single house, besieged for good reason (well, taken with a grain of salt), d) Edward Carnby. The Edward Carnby, and e) zombie platypus-things, zombie bootleggers, and One-Eyed-Jack, one of the greatest all time villians, in my opinion.


Don’t forget the House of the Dead movie too. Or every other movie he has ever come into any kind of contact with, whatsoever. Him, combined with bad screen-writing and no faithfulness at all to the games, is why I think this will be bad.

Here’s a concept, wait until the movie is out before you jump to conclusions. Yes, it’s likely to suck but give it a chance before jumping down it’s throat.

It may be an okay movie on it’s own, but from the trailer alone, it is a bastardization of AitD. Not only is Carnby not alone, but he isn’t Carnby. He doesn’t have the voice, or the fedorah and Private Eye duster that almost made his character. He isn’t shown with his .38 in the trailer, or even the ivory Colt .45 left over from AitD3.
The time period is off by about eighty friggin’ years, and if they were going to make a real AitD movie, unless it was based on the first game (which this is not), 'Jack would be the villian. He’s vowed twice for Carnby’s life, and doesn’t seem to be able to stay dead.

alone in the dark was one of my first/favorite games for the playstation. I love the game and will not stand by idly as moneycrazed filmakers destroy it like they did to street fighters and double dragon. MOG!!

:moogle: what?

bring out metal gear rex its time for some devine jugment.

Cait, I like you. If I knew you personally, you would get a money for that.

I’d preach about not passing judgement on the movie before actually seeing it, but after watching the trailer, it doesn’t look very promising. =\

…I thought Alone in the dark was 100% PC exclusive… maybe a port of one of them…

Nah, they released it for a couple of platforms…the first one was available for IBM DOS and 3DO, but One Eyed Jack’s revenge was released for PS1. Then there was ahem Alone in the Dark 4 for PS2 and PC, which I didn’t like at all.

Yeah, I heard 4 sucked.

I only played the first one though.

you forgot alone in the dark the new nightmare for playstation. :moogle:

NN is the same as AitD4…