A original FF fic series.

The Core Media Forum
1

It’s called Final Fantasy Legends. It combines the cultures & myths of Rome, Ireland, & the Middle East.

Opening Quote: In another World…In another Time…In the Age of Wonder…The 3rd Age…The Sun that shone as before, now dimmers in the sky…The trees that once grew, now twisted and distorted…Rumors grew of strange beasts moving in the forests of the world, whispers of a fear that must not be named…The darkness that is stirring, gathering all evil to it…The Black Prince of the Shadows has returned…

Ziel(15): Hero of the Story, from a line of swordmasters.

  • Design: TK of Digimon 02 in Mid Ages Celt attire.

Sarah(15): Princess of the Western Kingdom. White Mage/Summoner
*Design: A cross of Kari(Digimon 02) & Sakura(Tsubasa)

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-308804.html

Jayne(15): Sarah’s younger twin sister. White Mage.
*Design: A cross of Kari(Digimon 02) & Dita(Vandread)

http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-308806.html

Shabah(17): Wildcard from the Desert. Ninja/Blue Mage.
*Design: Melchior of Teen Titans, with Easterling features.

Morgan(16): Black Mage with a shady past.
*Design: Raven of Teen Titans.

Daehakai(Looks 15): Villian, the reincarnation of an being of terrible power.
*Design: Yami Bakura of YuGiOh (Memory Arc).

Morrigu (Look 20-something): Deahakai’s 3 bodyguards/nannies/errand girls. Their true form is a demon familar named Morrigan.
*Design: Tokonatsu Sisters from S-Cry-Ed
*Design: Vancuria from Magranger.

Arimanus: Leader of the “13 Curses”, a group of cutthroats thought to had been killed off years ago and return to ravage the Western Kingdom.
*Design: A cross pf Slade (Teen Titans) & Makoto Shishiou(Ruroni Kenshin). The result is a “Steam-Punk” Darth Vader.

2

Hi, Fractyl, what is this you’re doing? If you’re wanting a Role playing (RP) game post this Here: http://agora.rpgclassics.com/forumdisplay.php?f=34

If you are writing a story or doing a series of pictures you are free to post here. You may not be aware that FF:Legends is really a game, we even have a “Shrine” or several Pages about it: http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/gb/ffl1/ There is even 2 sequels. The games are really part of the “Saga” Series, Which “Romincing Saga 1-3” and “Unlimited Saga” are part of. we even have a Fourum for that. http://agora.rpgclassics.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=-1&f=33

One of our Affiliates is The FFCompenduim, www.ffcompendium.com whom’s Forum is here: http://agora.rpgclassics.com/forumdisplay.php?f=5

Almost all the Above links are part of this Big Forum.

About those two Pictures: Nice Coloured Pencil work. You try Differnt Poses. I am no drawing wizzard. Nor a Spelling one.

3

BigNutter: I guess a “title change” is may be order, though I had “Legends” for that. Also I didn’t the pieces of Sarah & Jayne. A friend of mine did those for me.

“13 Curses”: Refered to as the “Demons from Belong the East”, these 13 warriors-for-hire who were once the scourge of the west. Because of their grotesque methods of murder, the king sent out warriors to kill them. The warriors chased the 13 through the mountains to a deserted village. Then as twleve decapitated, the 13th was burned and buried alive with his dead comrades and buried in the “Tomb of the Damned”. But it was fortold the if these most evil of men were ever ressurected, they would be a plague apon the world. That day came when in ten years after their death, Deahakai resuurected them to serve him. Neither living nor dead, the 13 Curses resume their reign of terror…

The Curses are modeled after the infamous Huns.

  • Members 1-3

Katczaros: Arimanius’ most loyal servant, a one of the Gnoll tribe of Beastmen. Carries a large hammer as his weapon.
Design: The General of the Army of Anubis (Mummy Returns)

Zan Deila: The crossdresser of the group, weilds a halbred that doubles as a hidden whip of multiple spinning blades at one end and a spiked ball at the other.
Design: A blending of Jakotsu(Inuyasha) and Honjou(RK).

MaKuran: The child-like member of the group, uses a orb and staff as his weapons. Wild-boy.
Design: A cross of BeastBoy(Teen titans) & Gotenks(DBZ).

4

I know this May seem weird, but so far you’ve just written character Discriptions. Here at the Media Forum, we really post actual Storys we’ve written, or art work we’ve done. (My self: http://agora.rpgclassics.com/showthread.php?t=24824 ) and Comment on what has been posted.

If Character Discriptions are Posted usually it is for Story that features People who would like to appear in it. The one of the Most recent ones are Wil’s RPGC Saga. The Join Page: http://agora.rpgclassics.com/showthread.php?t=24587 and the actucal Story: http://agora.rpgclassics.com/showthread.php?t=24710

If you would like some Constructive Criticisim… Well:

It is just that we have not got any thing to say about it.

Big Nutter
RPGC’s Logic fighter…

5

BigNutter: True, I’m curently trying to set up my storyline with the 1st Chapter.

The Beast Men: Demi-human races. Some allied with humans, other are enemies.

  • Gnoll: Half-dog humanoids that dwell in the deserts.
    Design: Army of Anubis(Mummy Returns)
  • Sahagin: A race of undersea-dwelling amphibean beastmen, whose preferred habitat is deep in the ocean though they infriltrate shores & beaches. They worship the “Sleeping Deity.”

  • Gigas: Giant lumbering beastmen.
    Design: Blending designs of the Trolls of the LotR movie series & the Orges of Chronicles of Narnia.

  • Orcs: Design: Much like LotR.

  • Goblins:

6

VOLUME 1: Tentative Titles

  1. The Boy Who Dream of Adventure.
  2. A Wise Man’s Warning.
  3. The Two Princesses.
  4. With a Hero’s Heart.
  5. The Forest is dying.
  6. The Mysterious Guide, Shabah
  7. The Temple of Alara
  8. The Thirteen Brought back to Life.
  9. The Book of the Dead
  10. Anicent Evil
  11. The West Falls
  12. Sacrifice
7

I think you should wait until you actually have written some of the story before posting. That way we would get something that we could really comment.

But it sounds like it could be a very good fic (series). So please write it, because if it is as good as it sounds it could be, I would love to read it. :slight_smile:
Also, feel free to post each chapter here so you can get comments on how to improve it. Which is the point of this forum, as Nutter was saying.

8

Start of the 1st Chapter, so far 100% done.

[We open to a boy walking in the forest by himself. He stopped for a moment as he heard rushing in the brushes. The boy took out a sword, which was a bit heavier than him.]

Boy(Voice over): My name is Ziel…of a village in the forest side. Three months ago, my village was alive with rejoicing. Three months ago it was a beautiful, peaceful place. But, I was too busy reading to know that it was all about to change…

TITLE: FINAL FANTASY LEGENDS

[We open to a group of people gathering in the center, setting up things.]

Ziel(Voice): It was the time of the Autumn Festival, where everyone was most happy. Children raced through the streets without fear, neighbors smiled as they passed. In my village, everyone knew you and you knew everyone. Nothing was secret here, it was an open and wonderous time.

[We fade toward Ziel himself lying against a tree near the forest while reading a book.]

SUBTITLE: The Boy Who Dreams of Adventure

[Ziel was reading a story about heroism and gallantry.]

???: Taking a break are we?

[Ziel turns and sees a strong, muscular man. It looked like he has seen alot of battles in his time due to some battle scars on his body.]

Ziel: Uncle!

Uncle: Ziel my boy. You didn’t think I would miss your 15th birthday, did you?

[The two walked their way toward the village, many of the people gave their greetings as Ziel and his uncle arrive to a house, the blacksmith’s house. Inside, there were farming tools waiting to be repaired and the sound of a hammer on hot iron is heard.]

Ziel: Grandfather?

[The Blacksmith stoppd his work to look.]

Grandfather: Just in time for lunch.

Ziel: Uncle, I was just thinking. Maybe I tommorow, I could go with you on your adventures. We might get to be a war.

Uncle (who is now looking at old maps) : Hmm, I hope not. war isn’t a game, people die!

Ziel: But I’m not afraid!..Ouch!

(Ziel reached his hand out in protest, only to touch the boiling pot, burning his finger.)

Uncle: Ah, ha! There you are! You’ll have a great deal more to worry about than a burned finger if this villge was ever attacked.

Granfather: Now, no more dreaming, you have chores to do.

Ziel: Yes, sir.

Grandfather: He’s so anxious, and so blind to the dangers ahead like his father.

Uncle: You do a good job raising him, father.

[Outside.]

Ziel: They just don’t understand. I’m not some kid anymore. I should be doing heroic deeds! Uncle thinks I’d be afraid, but I wouldn’t. All I need is, is, is a chance! And I could be a famous warrior like him

[He fantasizes being one of the heroes in his book. But this moment ended when a familar elderly figure gave in]

Oldman: Not much of a blade there.

Ziel: Who are you?

Oldman: They call me Fabulos, and you are Ziel. Correct?

Fabulos: Why don’t you come help a old man get to his home.

Ziel: OK…Where do you live?

Fabulos: Right there.

[He pointed toward the forest.]

Ziel: But not one ever goes in there.

Fabulos: It’s okay. I guess I can do it.

Ziel: No. I’ll help you

[A few hours later, they soon arrive at a strange building. Somehow, it look more like a long-deserted temple than a house]

Fabulos: I must reward such a kind-hearted lad. Come inside.

[Ziel did and notce the interior was a bit different from the outside. Looking in splendor, Ziel noticed a statue of a giant dragon-like creature with a sword in it’s chest.]

Ziel: What’s that?

Fabulos: That is Bahamut, Great Lord of the Dragons.

Ziel: Ba…Ha…Mut…

[We open to a mural, behind the statue. It had images of various creatures.]

Fabulos: He is one of the Legendary Protectors of this world. For as long as the life began, there had been great beasts that have existed beside us humans. They are part of this world, as is all life, and thus we depending on one another in order to survive.

[The change changes to a firey eye in the sky.]

Fabulos: But…now something is threatening that survival—A demon from another place that was stopped and sealed. But somehow, the seal has been broken. If this creature is allowed to carry out its intention, this world shall wither.

Ziel: Is…There any way to stop that.

Fabulos: Yes…The Summoner. A link between our world and the worlsdof the Spirits. Together with the Great Beasts, was this evil defeated. But the Summoner did not fight alone, for there one who weilded that sword. Only one of the purest heart, th Chosen Guard, can remove the sword from Bahamut. Somehow you may be that one.

[Ziel, a bit nervous, grabbed the hilt of the sword and pull. A light began to glow from statue, and suddenly the sword comes free, with Ziel hitting the floor. Without warning, the shrine start to shake. Ziel turned around & saw Fabulos no where to be seen. Having no choice, he ran out as the temple crumpled. Ziel cried out Fabulos, but no answer came. Ziel looked at the sword in his arms before he turned to goback to his home. It was by dusk that Ziel was almost home. However, what he thought to be a bonfire was actually his village being burned. With A look of horror in his eyes, Ziel ran down into the villiage to see what’s going on. But he saw his home destoryed, as if something ripped it asunder. No one was around.]

Ziel: What is going on?

[As if to answer the boy, his Uncle arrived on the scene. He was wounded in arm.]

Uncle: Ziel…You must come with me quickly!

[But from out of nowhere, a large creature charged Ziel from behind as his Uncle shoved the boy out of harm’s way to take the hit. He flew and hit a wall, his stomach punctured. Ziel got a good view of his uncle’s attacker. It was a large boar-like beast…Zaghnol. Turning its attention to the boy, Zaghnol charged. The boy, enraged at what happened, took out his sword and charged at the boar. The boy jumpd on the monster’s back and stabbed it in the back, causing to sqeal in pain as it tried to get Ziel off him. But the second stab did the job as the behemoth collapsed, with his passenger hitting the ground. He turned t see his uncle.]

Ziel: Uncle!

Uncle: Ziel…

[The man lost consciousness as Zagahnol got up and walked its way toward Ziel. But the creature collpased a few moments. Ziel wa astonished when the creature spoked as it breathed heavily.]

Zaghnol: Disgusting little creature…Even if I am gone…All will soon know the pain I have suffered…

[And with that, Zaghnol’s eyes closed on last time. Then, from out of no where, Fabulos appeared behind Ziel.]

Fabulos: Hmmm. So I was right. You were meant to weild that sword. Well, actually it was more of a guess. But it’s sad that his happened. Zaghnol was a friend of mine.

Ziel: Zaghnol?

Fabulos: Yes. He’s the sacred animal of the forest you, know. But someone cursed Zaghnol and turned him into a monster. A wicked man who intends to destory the world. You must not allow him to commit such a act. You must find the summoner.

Ziel: But my uncle. The rest o my people.

Fabulos: Your uncle is a brave man to get everyone one before Zaghnol arrived. I will tend to his injuries for a while. You must go the Captial of the Western Kingdom. There, thou will surely meet the Summoner…Take this with you.

[He placed in Ziel’s a hand]

Ziel: A stone?

[The “stone” was a golden color.]

Fabulos: I have entrusted you with the “Heart of Gaia”, keep it safe. Now go.

[A bit relucant to leave, Ziel ran out with a tears in his eyes. But unknown to him, something was watching him…A winged eyeball. We fade to Ziel walking in the forest by himself. He stopped for a moment as he heard rushing in the brushes. The boy took out a sword, perpared to fight whatever was there. But instead, it was a yellow-feathered bird…A Chocobo. Walking toward the boy, Ziel was allowed by the Choobo to pet it. He laughed a bit.]

Ziel(Voice over): My name is Ziel…of a village in the forest side. I’m on a quest to find the Summoner and save our world from certain destuction…

TO BE CONTINUED…

9

Ah! Warning bells already ringing in my head.

If at all possible, NEVER write it in scriptformat. Unless this is just notes for you to know what they say when you write the story.

Script format means that a lot of action is lost and overall is not very interesting to read.
It is basically like watching a movie blindfolded. You can hear what people say but you miss everything else.
It is extremely hard to write something in script and still make it good enough for your readers to stay interested all the way through.

Moving on:
[Ziel turns and sees a strong man. It looked like he has seen alot of battles in his time.]

This is a mistake that I have done a few times as well. It breaks the “show, don’t tell” suggestion (because there aren’t any real rules for writing a good story).
You are telling the reader what they see, instead of showing the something and letting them see for themselves.
It would be better if you describe the man, and let the readers themselves draw the conclusions. Show the readers that he is a muscular man with (I’m guessing) a lot of battle scars from the fights he’s been in.
That way we can see for ourselves that he is strong, and we can guess that, unless he really enjoys pain and cuts himself, he has been in a lot of fights and, obviously, survived to tell the tales, both through words and the many scars.

[The two walked their way toward the village, many of the people gave their greetings as Ziel and his uncle arrive to a house, the blacksmith’s house.]

Same thing here. You are telling us that it is the blacksmith’s house instead of describing it. If you had written that there was tools (and possiby some weapons) there waiting to be repaired and that one could hear the sound of a hammer on hot iron, we could draw the conclusion that it is a smithy ourselves.

Fabulos: Why don’t you come help a oldman get to his home.

Minor grammatical error. “A oldman” should be “an old man”. “Old” and “man” are separate words.

I guess that’s the most obvious things. Overall I still think that it would be a very interesting story to read. Just don’t get caughtup in clichés. I’m not saying that having a young man thirsty for adventure as the main character is a bad thing. It is a character type that most people will recognize, and thus it saves bothyou and the reader some trouble since neither of you have to figure out/understand a completely strange and original character.
Just make sure that he is different from all the other young men thirsty for adventure out there. Otherwhise he just becomes like a mass produced cardboard cut-out.

But as I said: Just write the story, and the plot you have told us about so far will be more than enough to keep me interested until the end.

10

Poke has already said what suggestions needed to be said. (And he said it very clearly. :slight_smile: )

Scrip format is not really the best way to tell a story. It skips a lot of good details and personality traits in the story. And it’s hard to imagine things.