Okay people. I REALLY need opinions about this. Because, this will be my first take on humour. It’s called “A Detective Story”.
Day One:The Beginning Of The Case
Tape #1, Day 1, Case 1
As luck had it, one night, Balamb Garden shook with with a scream that blasted everyone’s eardrums open. The scream remained unidentified, until the pack of wild heroes who were formerly known as Squall, Rinoa, Quistis and Zell heard the scream.
They identified it to be the scream of Selphie Tilmitt. A scream that rocked their eardrums as if they were drum kits of Limp Bizkit’s standart concert equipment!
“MY LUCKY SOCKS!!!” Selphie screamed.
Selphie’s door was kicked open and led inside a thing that looked like a huge pile of human beings, absorbed into oblivion into a systemical anomaly that crushed down THE SYSTEM!!!
“What?” Selphie managed to ask as the pile shook and humans emerged from it. What Selphie saw was even more shocking.
It was Rinoa without a bra and shoes, Squall with his pants down and his mid-riff furry jacket half-on, Zell without anything on top of his boxer shorts, and Quistis with the top of her dress zipped right off.
After a moment of confusion, everyone saw that Selphie didn’t have her socks on.
“What the hell was that scream!?” Zell asked.
“My lucky socks are-“Selphie started,
“Zell, zip this dress up!” Quistis yelled.
“Zip it up yourself!” Zell replied, casually.
“Rinoa, let me go!” Squall said, as he was trying to pull his pants back on.
“Oh come on, Squall! Don’t be suck a jerk!”
“I’m not- a jerk!?”
“MY SOCKS!”Selphie screamed
“THE ZIPPER, YOU MORON!”Quistis yelled,
“UP YOUR NOSE!” Zell shouted.
“A JERK!?” Squall shouted.
“Have no fear.” Came a familiar voice from the door, “Kinneas is here.”
The awkward pile of piteous… I mean, humans, turned to the door to see Irvine Kinneas wearing his regular clothes, but with a pipe casually standing between his fingers.
Irvine inhaled the the pipe’s smoke with his cooooolmaaaaaan attitude on. He then looked at them.
“Detective Kinneas is here to help you, ladies and gentlemen. Now, what is the case?”
“Jerk? Jerk as in a verb, or an adjective?” Irvine asked, curiously.
“I need some briefing, if you can, please.” Irvine said.
And that pulled the trigger.
“My socks have disappeared-“
“This dress needs to be zipped up-“
“Can’t reach out to grab my-“
“You see, Squall and I were making out when-“
“I looked everywhere, I mean, they can’t-“
“Cause I look stupid the way this dress-“
“My pants! My pants! My kingdom for my pants!”
“That girl walked straight in-“
“Calm down.” Idio- I mean, Irvine told them, still keeping on his suave mask. He inhaled another cloud of smoke.
“Ms.Tilmitt, what has happened?” Irvine asked, while taking out a recorder.
“My lucky socks have disappeared!” Selphie shouted.
Irvine pressed on the red button labelled as “Nuclear Miss-“, I mean, “Record”.
“Day One, Tape One, Case One, Underwear One.” Irvine said.
“My lucky socks are gone! I think someone might’ve stolen them!” Selphie said.
“You know, Zell did tell me they looked nice on-“
“A JERK!?”Squall asked.
“I want.” Irvine said, “Everyone in this room but this ‘Zell’ person out.”
As Squall got his pants, Selphie got her regular socks, Quistis gathered her dress together, Rinoa didn’t get anything, Irvine pointed to the door with his pipe.
The pile of stupid beings that was- I mean, our heroes got out and the door slammed shut behind them.
“I can’t believe he just did that.” Squall exclaimed to Rinoa.
“Squall, I can’t believe many things,” Rinoa said, “And all of them are about you. Now get your pants and let’s go.”
They walked to their everyday lives.
Irvine inhaled a breath from his pipe as Zell with only his boxer shorts on, stood there. He then shot him a look of a falcon… No wait, there are no falcons in their world. Let’s name it a Cockatrice then.
“So, Mr.Zell.” Irvine said, “Where were you at the night of questioning?”
“We are in the night of questioning, genious!”
“I know.” Irvine said, shooting Zell that look again.
Irvine inhaled another breath.
“So do you seem to have strange interests such as Selphie’s lucky socks on your large, size 14 feet!?”
“The socks just looked cool, that’s just about i-“
“A-HA!!!” Irvine screamed, “I KNEW IT! YOU ARE THE THIEF!”
“Hold on, Sherlock.” Zell said, “I just liked the socks, that’s it! I wasn’t planning to put them on or anything sick, got that?”
“So you deny that you have been seen with one of Selphie’s thongs?”
“Hey, how can you know it?”
“A-HA!!!” Irvine screamed, “This was a trick question. I didn’t.”
“Oh, man!” Zell exclaimed as he sighed, thinking about what his reputation for being a rapper would become.
“Day One, Case One, Tape One, Thong One.” Irvine said to the recorder.
“My interrogation of Zell Dincht has been a tricky one. He might be an evil genious to plot the thieving of Selphie’s lucky socks. On a further footnote, he was seen with her thongs. He may be the main suspect.”
“Well, Mr.Zell.” Irvine said, “I will be seeing you, again.”
He then got out of the room, still inhaling his pipe. He left a really angry chicken-wuss, I mean, Zell behind.
But chicken-wusses, I mean, people like chicken-wu… ZELL, was taking an oath for revenge after the thing with the thong got clear to the surface.
So, what do you think?