15 Things you have to believe to be a Republican today

Got this in an email from my aunt, and I thought I’d share. Enjoy. Or don’t.

  1. Saddam was a good guy when Regan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

  2. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

  3. A woman can not be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

  4. Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hilary Clinton.

  5. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veteran’s benefit and combat pay.

  6. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.

  7. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

  8. HMO’s and insurance companies have the best interest of the public at heart.

  9. Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in our schools.

  10. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

  11. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the constitution, which include banning gay marriage and censoring the internet.

  12. The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s cocaine conviction is none of our business.

  13. Being a drug addict is a mortal failing and a crime, unless you are a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

  14. You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

  15. What Bill Clinton did in the 60’s is of vital national interest. What Bush did in the ‘80”s is irrelevant.

Very funny. I especially liked numbers 4, 6 and 9

Republicans are good at doublethink. *Nod.

I’d make a post in “newspeak,” except that it’s been years since I’ve read 1984, and I was born a year later than that anyway. :stuck_out_tongue:

I disagree with alot of it, but its still freakin halarious.

Oh, and:

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. – Dave Barry

post doubleplusgood refs true

…Or someshit.

Very funny, I love 1 and 2 :stuck_out_tongue: