Originally posted by Mazrim Taim
[b]Ooh yeah, I’ve thought about ending it all before. I even did, one time, like 2 months ago. I quit school, quit life in the town I knew all my life, quit living with my dad and basically ended every aspect of my life I’d ever known (except for the things related to RPGC - and the feeling of blood coursing through my veins), in exchange for a cruel world filled with possibilities I could never guess at. Yeah, I Ended it All, and it turned out to be one of the best choices I’ve ever made in my life. Sometimes it’s essential in order to maintain your sanity. I doubt it’d ever be necessary to actually physically end your life, but sometimes we put ourselves into situations which are empty and completely devoid of meaning, and wrap ourselves up so tightly in that meaninglessness cause we want to feel important…but then if we’re at all sensitive to the real world, pretty soon it all comes crashing down on us. Like Sin said, we work jobs we hate to buy shit we don’t need.
In any case, I understand completely what you’re saying. And know that there’s always a way to change your life for the better, even if you can’t see it at the moment. Usually…it involves giving up certain things which are precious to your ego, or your self-image. I was a straight-A student in the top classes at one of the most challenging public schools in the country. Now I’m just thankful I’m getting a diploma. And yet, I’m really, really content and at peace where I am. Weird, wonderful shit happens. Don’t give up hope just yet.
-Mazrim Taim [/b]
WOW! You really do understand my situation Maz. Looks like I’ve got some searching to do. I have an idea, I just have think it through better to see all the angles. You really seemt o understand what I want Maz. Most people want a big house, ltos of money, a nice car, etc. I just want peace and to eb happy and be comfortable. School just seems like the most common and possible way, but maybe there are other ways.
Yeah Nick, just takes sometime off. Use that time to calm yourself, and get your mind focused. Then when you return the original problems may not actually seem that bad, or you may have come up with a way to deal with part of it, easing the total load.
And just remeber, no matter how bad things seem, there is always someone worse off then you. It may sound cruel, but it’s usually true.
no matter how tough life is, i’d never think about committing suicide. there’re so much that i wanna do… so much promised that i made to my girl… can’t die yet. :enguard:
Maz hit on a cool point. I think travel is good for the soul… sometimes I wonder if when I go to Japan, I’ll love it so much that I’ll never leave.
And Devillion, I don’t think most doctors consider cessation of heartbeat to be death… they define it by cessation of brain activity, or something like that. Not that it still wouldn’t be scary shit to go through. Did you have any weird near-death experiences from that operation?
I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who have ever lived – an entire generation pumping gas and waiting tables; or slaves with white collars. Advertisements have us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place. We have no great war, or great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We were raised by television to believe that we’d one day be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars – but we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed-off.
No, I really don’t. However, that is because I think that it’s entirely possible to change one’s life (even drastically) without ending it. Admittedly, it’s much harder that just killing oneself. But, unless one is in some kind of really genuinely desperate situation (extreme poverty, drug addiction, etc.), one’s life is most likely not as constrained as one thinks. As for school, I think that after a point, it’s less about establishing one’s “future” in the form of a job or money or something like that than it is about establishing oneself - at least, one is capable of turning it into that.
These kinds of things are exactly why I’m getting so desperate to go somewhere lately. I’ve been harassing a few people in the chat lately about that, and wanting to quit school, and I don’t think they’ve understood why; well THAT’s why. I need CHANGE. I need to end this life–and start a new one. Of course, I’d like to keep the good things in this one, and I probably can, for the most part.
True that, SK (about school). However, all high schools and many colleges (on an individual level - that is different colleges work for different people) are far from being such self-establishing places, AND…there are many, many other places and things in the world aside from schools which can serve to help one have an understanding of what they’re all about.
And Infonick, ideas are always the best places to start. I’m glad you’re not feeling despairing, because hopelessness is really hard…and really devastating. It’s a reality sometimes, and I know you’ve felt it, but I’m so happy that you’re not anymore. I wish you the best of luck with everything.
Originally posted by Mazrim Taim However, all high schools and many colleges (on an individual level - that is different colleges work for different people) are far from being such self-establishing places,
In and of itself, no place is self-establishing. Some folks go to college just to join a frat and drink beer. That’s their business, of course. But schools are what one makes of them. It’s within the individual’s capacity (though not necessarily easy) to turn college into a place of self-establishment. When an individual refuses to do that, but doesn’t have any plan for his life with which to replace that one (note that it doesn’t have to be a very good plan), I don’t think that’s such a good thing. It’d be one thing if someone were to say, “Well, I know that I just can’t stay in one place for a long time, so I want to travel around the whole world and become a poet, and I don’t think college could help me in that.” But I would be very wary of people who just say, “I’m so smart and intelligent that college doesn’t have anything to offer me,” and leave it at that. To such people, I would probably say, “Well, if you’re so damn smart, why don’t you go to college where your intelligence would be challenged and refined into something of value?”
Living is hard enough, though, without having to engage in a herculean philosophical struggle to find the simplest of meaning for living. While I guess anybody could find it in any place, certain places are easier than others, for certain people, and leave them with more personal energy with which they can create things of value. That was my meaning, anyways. I think we’re kind of talking about the same thing though.
Well, there are plenty of times I’d like to stand out in the middle of a parking lot during a thunderstorm, waving a golf putter and screaming to the sky, “COME AND GET ME, YOU BASTARD!!!”
Originally posted by Sephiroth Katana It’s not herculean or philosophical, it’s just part of living.
Finding meaning doesn’t have to be a grand struggle, though. Some places it’s more of a struggle than others. As human beings we’re perfectly free to figure out in what places, through what experiences, seeing the meaning and Truth to the world and our lives is the easiest. That way, the great “challenge” of our lives isn’t in the seeing of beauty, but in adding to it and creating it ourselves.
But…I think that the reason we feel the urge to keep on posting these replies is because we agree, but we’re coming from different places regarding the reordering of one’s life. My attitude is more about getting rid of the bullshit to find the importance glittering underneath, while yours is about carving a space out of the all-pervading bullshit and building the importance yourself. I apologize for getting this completely off topic and into the realm of stupid pseudo-spiritual philosophy, but we were agreeing on what we were talking about anyways.
People who are really too smart for college will find some other avenue for their talents and won’t spend time whining about how they’re too smart for college.
What’s all this about trying to find meaning in your life, though? We all have things we want, and that’s meaning enough.
