I am taking a short (or long) absense from posting on the Agora. Major real-life issues that I am trying to deal with are taking up all my time.
The reason for this is that my girlfriend broke up with me, and from that sprouted many, many, many problems. Schoolwork’s been going down, skipping class, et al. Since then, I’ve been feeling incredibly depressed, even to the point of <i>suicidal thoughts</i>. I don’t know, this is my first girlfriend, and it lasted pretty long (10 months), and it’s really hard on me. You all probably don’t want me to get into details, so I won’t.
But, for the time being, I’m not able to cope with this. It’s kind of difficult to move on, because she was a big part of my life, and now that she is gone, I believe I don’t have a future.
I don’t think I have a future, because first and foremost, I don’t really have anyone to love, or to love me. I’m the kind of person who believes that parents and sibling cannot love each other, but love can only be expressed between a man and a woman. And I only have a handful of friends. I think I have about 5 or 6 friends in total. 1 of them is an internet friend.
I’m doing terrible in school. Last semester, I came into math with the highest in my grade for my school, with a 98% overall for Grade 10 mathematics. Since my Functions and Relations teacher for Grade 11 wasn’t english, she didn’t really do her job that well. She’d pretty much just tell us to do so and so problems on so and so page, and just do the work. No explanations or anything. I passed with the lowest in the class with a 55. Now that I am back with a fluent english math teacher for Grade 12 calculus, I’m still maintaining such a low mark due to my poor education in Functions and Relations. I currently hold a 42% overall in calculus.
I have a disability called Asberger’s syndrome. From my knowledge, it’s kind of a mix between ADD and OCD, in the sense where I have an obsession over an object/person, and I seclude myself to that object/person. I don’t know if this is affecting my state of mind over this whole break-up thing or not. I don’t know much about it, other than I have it.
I don’t know what is going on with my life, and I guess I need some answers. I realize this is not a good place to post this kind of stuff, due to past experiences, but I don’t really have anyone else to talk to. Posting it here means I get an unbiased anonymous answer/opinion, whereas if I talk to a doctor, it’s neither anonymous, or unbiased. Parents too.
Please help me.