Okay, I’m going to prove, now, in this thread, why Tales of Eternia is the best RPG on any console ever, using awesome logic and skill that’ll throw you out of your chairs with it’s pure awesomeness.
Firstly, ToE is played by NINJAS, because ToE has a KATANA in it. KATANAS are used by NINJAS. So ToE is played by them.
Secondly, ToE is also played by PIRATES, because one of the characters is a PIRATE, and PIRATES love games with other PIRATES in them.
Thirdly (as if you needed anymore reasons than Ninjas and Pirates), the combat system is the BEST. EVER. You can jump up and spin around with your sword at enemies about a bajillion times and then land on your face and throw shockwaves of super-matter at them AFTER having turned into a fucking PHOENIX and flew through them on FIRE, and then you can summon NAKED WATER-CHICKS to STAB THEM IN THE FUCKING FACE with TRIDENTS. It’s like CRACK, only in 32-BIT FORM.
Fourthly, you can cook in IRON CHEF. That’s right, ToE has an IRON CHEF tournament. Does Star Ocean III have Iron Chef? Does it HELL.
Fifthly, it has LENNETH VALKYRIE, and she’s just goddamn awesome, even if she’s a potentially copyright-infringing clone. THREE extra AWESOME POINTS to ToE for having LENNETH in it.
Sixthly, it has CLESS ALVEIN and ARCHE in it. And you get to BEAT THEM UP. What did FFIX have as an uberboss? A giant floating bouncy-ball? WEAK. You didn’t get to beat up Cloud Strife and Tifa in FFVIII, did you? DID YOU? NO!
Seventhly, it has MAX, and MAX has a BAZOOKA. That SHOOTS LASERS. And LASER BAZOOKAS > YOU ALL.
Eighthly, it has GRAPHIC NUDITY.
Ninthly, Eighthly was a BLATENT LIE, but it doesn’t matter since ToE is SO AWESOME it doesn’t even NEED nudity. It’s that damn good. ToE could have been directed by Steven Spielberg AND Quentin Tarantino. At the SAME TIME.
Tenthly, it has EXPLOSIONS, and I mean EXPLOSIONS with a capital EVERYTHING. We’re talking so much damage here you can’t see the SCREEN for all the HUGE NUMBERS flying out of the bad guy’s SKULLS. This happens approximately ONCE per SECOND.
There. That’s why Tales of Eternia rocks, and you should all play it now. Don’t even try to argue with me, because you’ll be wrong and everyone will laugh at you. I mean it. They’ll all laugh, man. If you disagree you’re obviously either lame and/or tragically ToE-deprived. To cure the affliction of Disagreeing With Me I prescribe a 24-hour diet of ToE for three whole days. No sleep or food. You won’t need it, since ToE provides 100% of your daily Awesome, which is better than lousy C-Vitamens anyway.