Why Canada should be “liberated”

We all know that this joint (RPGC) is run by Canadians and Canadaphiles, so I am skating on thin ice with this memorandum.

One of my favorite films is “Canadian bacon”. Well, the flick rates at best 3 on a scale of 10, but the idea behind the scenario is brilliant. Michael Moore is the greatest visionary of our times. Alas, the film finale sucks big time. http://movieweb.com/movies/film.php?2016
Here are just a few reasons that Canada should replace Iran and North Korea on the list of potential “liberation” targets:

  1. Liberal MP Carolyn “Chemical ali” Parrish became famous about two years ago for saying "Damn Americans, I hate the bastards” and last year at a small anti-missile-defence rally outside the Parliament buildings “We are not joining the coalition of the idiots”

Bolt your doors and hide the brew; the Canadians are coming. Our friendly neighbors from the North are invading Hollywood like never before. Maybe it’s the lure of the strong dollar, cheap beer and warm weather. Or maybe it’s just retaliation against the U.S. for stealing all the best hockey players.
"20% of Hollywood is Canadian " – Time Magazine,

  1. Canada is the breeding ground for ruthless entertainment terrorists. Many members of Al Quanada Divas group are currently on the “most wanted” list. Celine Dion (hiding somewhere in the Nevada desert), Shania Twain (hiding in the tribal areas of Swiss Alps), Alanis Morissette (became a naturalized citizen of the United States while still maintaining her Canadian citizenship), Avril Lavigne (just celebrated her 21st birthday by killing an innocent cake with her own hands: “My favourite part of the party was the cake. I was, like, sticking my fingers in!”) and a few other AQD members have a multi-million dollar rewards for their capture offered by major record companies.

  2. October 7, 2005 Prime Minister Paul “Chavez” Martin warned Americans that the Bush administration may be jeopardizing secure access to abundant Canadian energy supplies by undermining NAFTA in the protracted softwood lumber dispute.
    …the Prime Minister reminded that China and India have an enormous and growing demand for raw materials – an appetite Canada is happy to feed.http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/ArticleNews/TPStory/LAC/20051007/MARTIN07/TPNational/TopStories

And the list goes on… Invading Hans Island, mistreating the seal population, celebrating Thanksgiving before Americans etc, etc.

But this is just obscene:

  • It’s like having a rich aunt die and leave an unexpected bequest - after the giddiness over the sudden riches wears off, you sit down and think soberly about the wisest way to use them.
    It’s like that for the Alberta government. Only in Alberta, more aunts keep popping off and the “surprise” bequests keep rolling in.

…the one pledge that has risen above all the others is an estimated $400 “prosperity dividend” that will be given, tax-free, to every one of Alberta’s 3.2 million residents this year - and possibly repeated in years to come.


I rest my case.

♪ Blame Canadaaa, Blame Canadaaa!! ♫ :hahaha;

For the record, I’m a Celine Dion fan. But they can keep Morissette! :scream:

Oh, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all Canadians!! :cool:

America! FUCK YEAH!

Morissette > Dion.

Eat it, Bitch.

This is merely yet another example of why you are NOT funny Wilf, as people so clearely stated in another thread.

He’s too [strike]creepy[/strike] old to be funny.

Christmas! FUCK YEAH!

Why, again, do we want american beer?

I’m not going to comment other than that, this, and the slight following because it is quite obvious I am somewhat nationalistic, but really only when it comes to Americans. I know Europe is better than us. :stuck_out_tongue:


We’re all sinful, hateful people up here and you can’t do anything about it.


Canada has some good strip clubs.

You know I just want to quickly say something about what I think of Alberta and it’s oil.

I strongly believe that this surplus should be used to keep the rest of the country in good standings. I mean, when the Newfies were rich from ship building, they were reluctant to join Canada, then they got poor. I can see this happening with Alberta when oil runs out or is too expensive to get at… or god forbid we find a new sorce of energy. What will Canada have to show for it? Not to much. The provinces of Canada are like a bunch of 8 year olds who fight and never share when they get something good. It’s really upsetting to watch because we don’t think like a country; well, we do when it comes to the big 11 year old bully next door, or when the the two fat kids–Ontario and Quebec, but this is just a westerners view point-- start getting all the pie, but these things just don’t make that much of a difference and unless the fat and the skinny kids start working together for more than just a few small things (soft wood lumber as an example for one of these things) we just going to FAIL.

But that’s just what is upsetting me. In short, I think that we need to start acting as one entity rather than 8 year olds because in the long run, we’re just going to lose. =(

foolishly trys to make this a serious thread if only for one post


Canada would win. They’d freeze you to death and loss, like the Russians did to the French and Germans. You’re doomed and you know it!

Is this another “hate America” thread, or another “hate Canada” thread, or another “why Europe is better than everyone” thread?

A strange mixture of all three! We’re getting efficient =)


A combination thereof, most likely.

And Morissette kicks Dion’s ass at singing. :3

I’m crying on the inside. You ruined Thanksgiving.

I think I can see where you’re coming from. Personally, I feel that the oil should be shared as well. And certainly, most Albertans wouldn’t have an issue with it, provided it was a mutual agreement between the provincial and federal governments. What raises a lot of people’s ire, is the idea of resurrecting the National Energy Program, and having Ottawa take more control over the oil profits. I think, we didn’t cover the NEP in a lot of detail in Social. :expressionless:

Then again, there will always be the morons who think that the rest of Canada is out to get us, and we must segregate to maintain our status (the “Alberta Advantage”), blah blah blah. I live in Alberta, not Quebec West, thanks.

Eden and Ez have the right idea. However, the problem is that the individuals in power remain in power by giving their populace a fictitious sense of identity around which the mindless drones and peons of our society will rally.

I think Alberta should get to profit from its ressources, but that there should be a balance where the rest of Canada could also profit from the rest of it. I think that if the Albertans acted like the separatists in Qc, it would only serve to deepen the divide being created by oppurtunistic politicians. The world needs fewer rightwing zealots pushed forward by superficial and meaningless ideals of convenience they don’t understand.

The problem is that these excuses have been used for so long that they’ve become ingrained in the way people think and this kind of xenophobia is analogous to racism and has very similar consequences within individual sets of population. People are obsessed with finding a sense of identity and purpose to their dull and uninteresting lives and they accept that which is given to them. This works through discrimination, which draws on nothing else but the worst in people. In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

I think this whole dilemma would be easily solved if Alberta spent all of its excess oil revenue on building the world’s largest cowboy hat. It’d put all the unemployed to work in a productive manner, and when it was all said and done, the gigantic hat would just cover all those damn hicks up so we’d never have to hear from them again. Then maybe Quebec could start building the world’s largest beret…okay okay, just one dream at a time.

I think the Qc beret should be made of hemp and the Quebeckers should smoke it, generating a mushroom cloud you can see from space. Then they’ll also all be so high, that their anuses will dilate and the gigantic stick they have up their asses will fall out.