When life gives you lemons...

Hello…it’s me with a nice ethical decision-making thread. No this time it doesn’t involve race, inter-racial love, or politics, but rather a decision that I was given in January and really throws me through a loop. READ ALL OF THIS BEFORE SAYING ANYTHING.

I’m in the Army ROTC program…and it’s pretty gay. We do PT 5 days a week and it takes up about 2-3 nights during the week doing these things called OPORDs. However, my advisor CPT Doherty, talked to me saying that I’m not exactly the top of cadets, even though I try. I just sucked as a c/1SG for a month rotation…and that’s the basis of his “counseling.” Since I graduated Infantry BCT/AIT with pride and am still enlisted…I could either try and stick with ROTC, or drop and stay enlisted a little longer. I’m very conflicted on this seeing as how dropping might make me feel happier but make me deployable.

The kids kinda suck, seeing as how they have no lives and my paranoia makes me think I’m some sort of joke, despite my Infantry status (something no one else there has). The kids that went to Airborne think they’re the shit…go figure. They’re kinda like school kids sometimes and hang in their own little circle, yet I still would like to be in that circle. They knew me as a kid who was enthusiastic over ROTC but got kicked out due to childhood asthma, and then fought his way back through hell to get back in. Apparently I’m still not good enough to hang with them. There is however a few who are cool and this Japanese girl I used to really like. DODMERB, the medical reviewers, still jerk me around, so I do ROTC for free with no contract, no monthly stipend, or no scholarship. I’m still in it for the sake of principle, and I don’t wanna see kids end up higher than me…kind of a pride issue. There’s a small hint of hope that I can beat the system and win people’s hearts over if I continue to fight. I can’t appear as a quitter to these people…but this shit drives me nuts. Most painful of all is that my gf Grace is in Navy ROTC, and wants me to stick with it. I can’t look like a quitter to her either.

On the flipside…I like being with the National Guard, where I’m not looked at under a microscope, where the sergeants like me and I do well. Unfortunately I get little pay and there’s the fear of deployment. ROTC acts as a shield from that.
I need to get a job and some places are willing to hire me but unfortunately they don’t like the whole ROTC taking time thing. If I drop I’m hired, but I could manage something around it, and my gf says she could apply “anonymously” and work the nights I can’t. I just need to finish college before I deploy, which I heard would be in 1.5-2 years, after I graduate, but I don’t want to take any chances. My parents want me out b/c I’m not getting paid and to them it’s illogical to stay. I could always do Guard OCS, but it just doesn’t seem the way I planned my officership path to go.

It’s a case of being too stubborn or too unsure of the future to drop something. I don’t feel welcome, but yet I feel like I still have a remote chance of success. My money is fading, I have a girlfriend who I love very much, and so many people to please…it’s wreaks havoc on my brain. If you were in my situation…what would you think wuld be the best decision?

In the end you’re gonna have to do this for yourself, not your gf, not your parents, not for anyone else but you. That’s all the advice I can give you because I cannot give you advice on a life decision, this is your choice, regardless of what I say.