So, in the course of my job, I have encountered many people and seen many dumbasses, but this one takes the cake for “biggest dumbass of the year”, not because of what he did to me, but because of his insistance on being a dumbass. Some people just need to learn with tazers, I figure, anyway, here is the story :
On the evening of 8th January, 2005, I was working, as always, at the Esso down on the transcanadian highway (if you’re heading down that highway on a weekend, and happen to be near Montreal and see exit 95, just get off the highway, say hi and shit, I’ve got nothing better to do since it’s in the middle of fucking nowhere, you’ll also be glad to know that it’s easy to get back on the highway) and in comes a random person. To me, it’s random person #49, since it was at the beginning of my shift. Anyway, he takes 5,19$ CAN of gas, and comes in. I figure he’s going to actually PAY his gas, but NO. SOMETHING HAPPENS! He approaches me with his driver’s license and says this :
“Dude, I forgot my money at home can you take my driver’s license and I’ll come back with it I live not so far away.”
Thing is, as much as I would normally say “Yeah sure whatever”, I can’t because we’ve got something like 200$ of unpaid bills which we’ll never be able to get back because of deals like those. 'sides, we usually say that they can call up someone so that they may help them out with a credit card over the phone (which usually works) or that they can drive down to pay for their gas, so it’s not like he had no other solution. SO I ANSWER!
“I can’t let you do that. Not only you cannot drive without your license, I cannot make a deal with you because if you don’t come back, we’ll have to sue you in a civil court instead of a criminal one.”
He says :
“But I’m leaving you my license!”
“I can’t do it. You can ring up someone to help you out, or you can leave as I take your plate number.”
Guy storms out of the store, gets in his car, shouts obscenities at me, circles the station, and exits in the only exit where I can get a CLEAR SHOT at his plate. I lift the number off it, smirking and with arms crossed all the time, and then I go to call the police. Long story short, police comes, I put in my depository (which was well-written, brief and very precise, if I do say so myself) and then they leave. I was expecting they’d do something about this but not this soon.
On sunday, the day after, I was dealing with a customer, just chatting around like I usually do (I’m a chatty bitch when I’ve got nothing to do, and this just so happened to be such a moment), and the guy comes in, throws 6$ on the counter, and yells off various obscenities (which, for the sake of my not remembering them, will not be pasted here), I tell him I followed the procedure I had to do, but he wouldn’t listen. They rarely do. Such an incident would be pretty much boring if it wasn’t for this particular sentence he said before leaving the station.
“If I see you in the streets, you’re gonna lose your head!”
Cue teh Iga trying to hold back his laughter. Not only does teh Iga know a fuckload of tricks to get rid of stupid punks like him, teh Iga usually hangs out with people that carry way too much knives and guns. Seriously, they’d blow out a metal detector. So, anyway, I’ve got a witness, and I figure “Hmm, the guy is a waste of sperm and most likely does not contribute to society as a whole…what to do?”
Then, I have a rather evil idea, if I do say so myself. I had to report to the police that indeed, he had come to pay his gas, so I call them to say that there were developments in case (insert number here), here’s my conversation with the officer I dealt with.
ME : So, I’m calling to tell you developments in the case.
HER : Which are?
ME : First, the guy did indeed come in to pay, pissed off, but that I can understand, but in his anger, he threatened to kill me.
HER : How so?
ME : I noted down the exact quote, which is…(I tell her the quote), and I’ve got a witness, I sadly forgot to take his name and number.
HER : Do you want to press charges?
ME : No, but aren’t murder threats illegal?
HER : Yes, but unless he actually acts against you, we can’t do much of anything except put in a restraining order against him to the station, since he does not know where you live. Do you feel threatened by him?
ME : Hell no, it’s just that since it was illegal and I had to call you to tell you he did pay up, I figured I would tell you this as well.
HER : As far as I’m concerned, he already had a restraining order put on him for the station, because of the way he acted when the sergeant called him to warn him that he would have a criminal file if he did not pay tomorrow, and he’s lucky to have gotten a lenient sergeant, because otherwise, he would have had a court summons tomorrow.
ME : Whoa, he was that bad?
HER : Apparantly so.
ME : Anyway, I don’t intend to press charges.
HER : I’ll have to call him tonight to close the case, so I will mention that you picked that up as well.
ME : It’s all right.
HER : Thanks for your cooperation.
ME : No problem, if I can help you out with anything else, just ask.
End conversation here.
So, bascially, I might have ruined a fucker’s life legally just because he was too much of a dipshit to rely on others and actually go through this the good way - the peaceful way.
Info, thou hast awesomenity.