Um, I wrote.

I was bored, my writer’s block has been blissfully eradicated, so yeah.
I know how stereotypical some elements are too. So bite me.

The man smiled, his sword gleaming in the firelight. He flashed his blade and the merchent dropped to the ground in a puddle of blood.

‘Why are you doing this, you asshole!?’ the teenager screamed, right hand on swordhilt and his left in his belt pouch. ‘What do you stand to gain by killing a simple merchant!? I can understand assassinating a corrupt king responsible for killing so many, but a humble, simple merchant!? What is WRONG with you!?’ The teenager screamed with a scowl.

‘All will be explained soon, boy. I cannot tell you yet, just watch as I finish my plans.’ The cold look on the man’s face disgusted the teenager. ‘Now pick up the damn bedrolls and let’s get going, Keryl.’

‘No. I will not. I’ve had it this time. You won’t kill one more person! I can’t handle all this senseless violence! STOP IT!’ Keryl drew his sword and pulled a disk out of hist belt pouch. ‘KEN-TAKI-BI!’ he screamed, bringing the sword down to strike the disk in his hand. The sword’s blade started to glow a bright red, then exploded into a bright flame. As the flame grew to its full length, whch was about twice as long as the sword Keryl carried, it charred the man’s face a bit.

‘You don’t want to do this, Keryl. Put it away.’ the man replied, his smile slowly vanishing and his look deteriorating into a creepy sort of scowl.

‘No. This is it. One last chance. Tell me what’s going on and why you’re killing people at the drop of a hat, and I’ll allow you to breathe.’

‘Like I said, I cannot. You will understand when the time comes. You’re being irrational and this needs to stop now.’ The man replied once again, startign to sweat from the flames an inch from his face.

‘You have breathed your last, you wretched cur. Die now.’ Keryl stepped forward and slashed downward, slicing the man into two perfect halves, the cut charred and glowing red-hot. He let go of the hilt of his sword, and as it clattered to the ground it extinguished, the blade fully restored. He reached down and retreived the sword, sheathing it and pulling a green disk from his pouch. ‘Chikyu-tsubame.’ he chanted three times. The disk glowed, then a thin beam of green energy burst forth from the disk into the earth. The earth opened up, the man and merchant’s bodies falling in, then closing once more. It was as if they were never there. He walked off into the woods, stepping quietly and discreetly. ‘Tina?’ he asked noone, and a girl almost identical to him in every way dropped from the treetops. ‘I’ve done it. He’ll kill no more.’

‘Thank you, brother. It’s good to know I can always rely on my twin.’ She said, drawing the staff on her back and walking with her brother into the woods.

Keryl thought to himsefl. Well, Sensei, I knew I’d have to end your life someday. I just wish it was a bit more difficult. No challenge at all.

Well, you have good descriptions in this, like the “sword gleaming in the firelight”. Overall though, you need to spellcheck, there are some odd typos in there, like “merchent” and “startign”.

Also, in the second paragraph you state twice that the teenager screamed. It’s enough with once :slight_smile:

The story moves like a flash, I don’t know if it’s original or fanfic - don’t recognize the names - but either way, it’s a bit too short to estabilish the right umph I think you’re going for. I’m left with a feeling oh “… huh?”.

Still, there’s a lot of potential in this, so don’t be discouraged.

how the hell do you scream with a scowl

Yeah, I type everything, so sometimes typos happen. It’s all original, I assure you. And a good friend of mine has found me a full list of japanese sword terms, so it’ll be much improved next time. Yeah, this was just a short, shall we say, excerpt of what I’m trying to turn into a full-length novel. It’s not working out too well, I’m afraid. I’ve been working on this for 4 years now.

Oh, and Cless, you can too scream with a scowl. You just have to be a bit leet.

Or rather 1337. 1336 at least.

Hehe, nice one.

Cheap trick :wink: