This isn't how it was supposed to be

I’ve had a college degree for three months, and that was supposed to “solve all my problems.” I don’t know what in Hell I was thinking. So I’m still working at Price Chopper, living with my ex-girlfriend in a lease that I can’t get out of, and we’re in the shitter, financially (mainly because she quit her relatively high paying job so that she could work at a clothing boutique because her job was stressing her out too much). I tried to get several jobs, including a job to teach in Japan, but they didn’t want me. My girlfriend was one of the main things that stopped me from going into the armed services, and so now I’m looking into going into the Navy as an officer, but I’m afraid that I won’t make it again.

I know that it’s hyperbole. I know that I’m just bumming myself out, but it just doesn’t seem like I can attain any goal that I set for myself.

I’ve stopped writing. I don’t know if I ever was good. Yeah, I won a fucking award. Yeah, my professors said my stuff was good (“although, Ken, you struggle with literary themes while sticking to genre- do you really want to write popular fiction?”). I don’t know. I just don’t feel like writing anymore. Honestly, I don’t much feel like getting up.

And not only that, but this place… what happened to this place? I guess it’s only reasonable to expect people to move on, but where’s Sinistral? Where’s Maz? SK? Not that I’m a frequent poster. Not that anybody is a frequent poster anymore. Is this forum dead, or am I just imposing the little deaths in my life to make another little death on the forum?

I don’t know exactly why I’m posting this. I guess it’s somewhat a desire to be cheered up. I guess it’s also because I don’t want this place to end up dead. I want this place to be as alive as I remember it, even with all the trolls and idiots that aggravated me so much. But I don’t want to be the same person that I was (man, was I a dickhead). These past three months might as well have been three years. I’ve stopped enjoying my video games and television, really (although I have been reading more books, lately). I want… I don’t know what I want.

Do I want a new relationship? Do I want closure on whether or not my newest career choice will work out? Do I want friends? Do I want to help this place grow with a shrine or a subsite or something? I don’t know. I probably want all of these things. Or maybe I just can’t go a year without a “boo hoo, Ken is a fucking sad little shit” thread. But then, I looked at all of those, and I didn’t realize how lucky priveleged I was. I’m not living in the sewers or anything, but I guess I’m just not used to living lean. Lean enough to cut all of the things I enjoy, but apparently not lean enough to take away the PRECIOUS cable fucking television box that she enjoys so damned much. I don’t know why I spoiler marked that. I guess I kinda thought it was funny.

A man and woman
Are one.
A man and a woman and a cable box
Are one.

Here’s what you need to do.

Sit down with Leaves of Grass and read it all the way through, then sit down with the collected poems of Wallace Stevens and read it all the way through. Not only will that make you feel good about being a human, that will make you feel good about being an American.

I click on this thread. Because I thought you came through time. And changed it somehow. And now everything is all different. I’m very disapointed.

Being obliged to live with an ex because of your lease sucks. Add to that lower income and you can even make yourself believe you thought a (literary) degree would be the answer to all your problems. Now cue the sig about the degree’s power being broken. If you’ve decided everything’s going to hell, confirmation bias kicks in. If you’ve got any good friends hang out with them till the lease expires. Do stuff you enjoy, preferably away from home. [btw could you try subletting?]

You don’t really need me to tell you to write what you want, right? Opaque and snobbish are hipster, not writer traits. Don Quixote was arguably genre fiction (parody thereof) and Shakespeare was popular in his day. Don’t be discouraged by academia and if you want to write genre while being literary please do. The subject you choose has nothing to do with the quality of your writing. Just keep writing. Your writing isn’t insulated from your everyday life, that’s the meaning of the whole thing. Reading will help you find something you want to write about. Remember: 90% perspiration, 10% inspiration.

Don’t worry about cutting down on TV and VG. Everyone goes through cycles of VG enjoyment. I usually play an oldie I know it’s fun (e.g. Metroid) when I want to remember why I enjoy video games. Also congrats on reading more books.

I got my degree, and here I am still living lean in a rented place I can barely afford, working a job that (other than providing morbid carwreck style entertainment at the expense of the human condition, which always translates well to material for the artist/writer/etc.) is dull, unsatisfying, unfulfilling, and frustrating.

I’ve cut a lot of stuff out of my life to “live lean” and I can give up cable TV easily [and did] but I’ll still blow cash I really shouldn’t on a video game, and heaven forbid I try to go without the intarnets for a month or so. Everyone’s got some vice and inconsistency in them. :slight_smile:

Life never really gets better no matter what “stuff” you acquire, until/unless you [and I’m gonna sorta borrow some words you said to me once, because they’re true now like they were then] learn how/choose to be happy.

If you enjoy writing, absolutely keep doing it and on your terms and don’t worry about making money off of it. Intrinsic reward is the only thing you can really count on, even if you’re really good; there’s no accounting for taste, especially in this country.

The trick of course is to not feel the discouragment that is natural from the job search as it goes on [I’m right where you are on this front, and all I can find out there is crap that would be lateral moves and more of the same nonsense in a different corporate wrapping. Still gotsta keep looking though. Market sucks, oh well.]

I doubt of course that I’m telling you anything you don’t really already know.

The first thing I will say is that living with your ex-girlfriend really, really sucks. I feel for you on that one. At least yours makes some money, though. When mine got kicked out of her house, she lived entirely off my charity. So, there’s always a bright side, huh?

I don’t thing college degrees really solve too many problems, they’re of a tool for getting around them. As for jobs, I’d try to do something in your field of degree, even if it’s something you have to do yourself. Adult writing seminars can rake in the cash, and if you do want to keep writing, licence fiction is a boiling geiser of Cash Money. It is also noticeably easier to get published in this field than in reg’lar fiction, since you are good, and the vast majority (though not the totality) of license writers are awful.

As for joining the military, from the experiences of my involved friends, I wouldn’t reccomend it. Although, they went in the Army/Marines, not the Navy, so I guess it’s not exactly the same, the experiences weren’t wholly good. In one case, not really any good at all. (And the Marines close combat training? It’s like MMA with a few elbows and even worse flow.)

It’s genuinely hard to write when you’re feeling the way you say you are, at least for me. When I’m sad or whatever, that’s something to write about, but the sort of empty, future-up-for-grabs thing makes it really hard to focus on a plot or anything.

I don’t think RPGClassics is dying, most forums die down a little during the summer. I don’t know where Sinistral is, and Maz left before I joined, I guess. SK still comes around for big socio-political debates, usually, and smashes the puny whelplings who oppose him.

On another note, I’ve wanted to shrine something for a while, too, but I haven’t gotten around to it. We should coshrine the hell out of some poor, unsuspecting game.

You’re not the only one in the boat. A lot of my friends and I can’t get work in the major we studied in because of lack of relevant work experience. Now we work highschool jobs for cash while doing whatever we can to get experience.

You say you’re unsure of what you want. I think that’s largely because you’re being pulled in many different directions while at the same time you don’t want to remain where you are. I say choose a direction and focus on it. What others have said about friends is good. If you don’t have some space that’s free of your ex, you’re gonna feel like she’s taking up more and more of your personal space.

First, if genre fiction’s what you want to write, then that’s what you’ve got to write. Second, if you write genre fiction with enough passion and persistence, you’ll make significant money doing it. That’s not always the case with literary fiction. Third, most creative writing professors have very odd job histories, and don’t become professors until they publish a successful book. For example, a former professor of mine did cleaning work for the city, worked at restaurants, and between jobs, hitchhiked across the country.

Do what you want to do, and enjoy life in the process, and don’t worry about what you’re “supposed” to be doing. That’s the only way you’ll maintain enough passion to write well.

I wouldn’t worry about not getting a job with the degree you have. Like previously mentioned, if you are persistant enough you will accomplish what you set out to do. I find things like writing, art, and music you don’t get a degree in it to get a job and make money, you do it because you are passionate about it. That’s why I’m studying Fine Arts. I don’t expect to get a great job out of it… right away atleast. Things come in time, you just have to be patient and stick onto the roof of society’s mouth like the goey peanut butter warlord you are.

Sinistral is World of Warcraft addicted and loving his job, even I barely see him around other places.

Mazrim…nobody really knows where Mazrim went, other than to discover what life had to offer.

SK I see occasionally off Instant Messanging services, we played SC a few times in the last few months, but I don’t have the time for it much so it’s not as often as I’d want.

I haven’t been around nearly as much as I used to be since I’ve graduated. I’ve been working full-time at a health insurance company that’s understaffed so I work my ass off for little pay and when I get home I don’t feel like doing much other than going to bed. I’m just biding my time until the posisition I want becomes available. Aside from that I’ve been crawling through a few games. I finally finished Suikoden V and started Dragon Quest VIII. I guess I’ll finish that by the end of fall at the rate I’m going.

Sil: I started reading House of Leaves a while back, but I was overloaded with coursework. Maybe after I’m done reading Something Wicked This Way Comes I’ll give it another crack.

Rigamorale: Actually, living with my ex isn’t terrible or anything, she just really annoys me at times. We’re still friends, and all that, and I think we probably will be for the rest of our lives. We’re just incompatable, that’s all. And what you say about writers and writing is very true.

Kaiser: Yeah, you’re right about the inconsistency. After all, I still “require” the internet, and all of that. :stuck_out_tongue: And yeah, I suppose that I make myself miserable a lot of the times. I don’t remember telling you what you said I told you, but I probably did at some point.

Arac: Well, as for the Navy, I actually want to join. First of all, joining the Army and the Marines… whoo boy- that’s a different kettle of fish right there. They’re a lot more “military” than either the Navy or the Air Force (I’ll take it from my father and uncles, who were in the Navy and the Air Force respectively). Also, being an officer probably won’t be as terrible as being enlisted. I’ll get my master’s degree completely paid for, and I’ll get free health insurance (and cheap life insurance). I’ve never considered licensed fiction, but I think that my writing may be a bit too “weird” for the tastes of the Star Wars/Dragonlance crowd. As for the shrine… I’ll think about it. Sexually.

Lex: Lack of work experience! Ah! Yes- that is the thing. Entry level jobs require that I have experience. I didn’t have time to fucking intern… work for FREE!? Are you fucking kidding me? I have to pay my rent. So since I didn’t work for FREE, I’m just not supposed to get a damned job? It baffles me.

Xwing: I guess that it would be unusual enough to join the Navy after going to college, then. :stuck_out_tongue:

Gila: I AM a gooey peanut butter warlord… aren’t I?

Zero: Thanks! You’re a sex puppet. You truly are.

Oh, man. I feel a little bad thinking about SK, now. I remember that I used to get into little bitchfests, and then he’d tell me to “chill out” or whatever, and then I’d completely flip out on him, like he bit me or something. I should have realized that he was just trying to give me some damned advice, or something.

EDIT - BX: Wow. I’m kinda glad that I’m not working in an insurance office. The same problem happened with my ex, actually. And eventually she just couldn’t take it anymore, because her bosses were evil pricks that were overworking everyone (and underpaying, I might add) whilst they were having buttsex in their $20,000,000 ranch. And when I say that, I mean exactly that. Small companies. :slight_smile:

Yeah. So you have plenty of experience. It’s just all in the Plaguelands; which can’t be applied at all in Kalimdor.

Check out They have a listing of current internships in all fields. I believe you get a stipend of around $1800 a month. I really hope it applies to where you live. I found the site off of CIBC’s site so it’s reputable.

That’s Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman, not that other thing you mentioned, if that’s what you thought I meant.

And Stevens:

And the soul, O ganders, being lonely, flies
Beyond your chilly chariots, to the skies.

Damn, Sil, I thought I had misread you and were feeling guilty for the last few minutes.

I joined this forum with the sole intention of cheering you up. Really.

How much longer do you have on your lease? If jobs are that hard to find and life is starting to suck, fuck the Syracuse area. Start mailing out resumes and cover letters to different relative firms across the country. You are bound to hit something eventually. You can always make new friends.

Be relentless. Life only gets better

Oh, man. Sorry- I was tired. I’ve read Leaves of Grass a while ago. It’s pretty damned good.

Lex: That seems to be more the California area type thingiddy, but thanks.

KyleG: Uhhhh… thanks? Bizarrepants.

Really? 'Cause I live in Ontario and I was able to get interviews with some places off there.

Don’t worry about it. As you can see, I still look at the forums regularly. I just don’t post as often these days.

Now, regarding your situation, I would suggest some kind of small government job, like data entry at your local post office. I realize that it’s very dull and requires no creativity at all, but it might at least pay more than Price Chopper. As far as I know, Price Chopper pays about $7 per hour, whereas this type of data entry work can pay around $13 per hour. So your life could be a little less lean while you search for something better.

As far as I know, Price Chopper pays about $7 per hour, whereas this type of data entry work can pay around $13 per hour.

How does one get such a government job?