The truth about Japan

Maybe the funniest website ever grace the web…

I like that guy’s writing style, he’s a good story teller.

I shit you not, I have to play Dodgedick with Japanese Jr. High kids on a weekly basis. Boys and girls! Age, gender, doesn’t matter, they all want a stab at it. The boys are actually more persistant though. I had one boy grab for it, and when I said “No!” he put his hands together and, in English, said “Please!” Oh hell no. I was sitting next to a 12-year old boy who kept grabbing at it, and when I told him “No!” he asked “Why not?” I wondered if there weren’t some cultural bounds I wasn’t understsanding, so I said clearly “age 10 years and become female since birth, then we’ll talk.” His solution was to ask the girl sitting next to him to trade seats, grab my dick, and tell him about it.

That’s hularious, looks like I found funny reading material…

Interestign how those kids are so despereate to touch an American’s dick…weird…

I love Japanese culture and I always will, but people from that country are fucked up on so many levels. :stuck_out_tongue:

I guess…but I’ll still wrship Japan until the day I die. :biggrin:

One day after a school assembly, this ichinensei girl walked up to me and asked me how to say “oppai” in English. “Oppai” being the Japanese word for a woman’s breast. And now I’ve taught you a dirty Japanese word. But it’s not that dirty, so don’t get too excited. I told her that kind of English was definitely not for her. But she continued to persist, and finally just breaking down my will to live, I gave in and told her - “breast”.

Unfortunately, she didn’t quite understand it, and asked me to repeat it several times. I did, but her Japanese tongue couldn’t get it right - “buraido?” “burasuto?” Also unfortunately, she decided to practice rather loudly, which got pretty much the whole school’s attention. My english teacher, the Americanized one, overheard and said to me “Aw, don’t teach her that!” I said it’s probably best she learn the correct term for it before she gets something vulgar from TV or music. “Oh, like tits?” My Japanese teacher asks. I told you her English was pretty good.

Anyway, she almost agreed with me on that point. Almost. Until the girl ran by screaming at the top of her lungs “Breasts! Breasts!”

She doesn’t even have them. And since she’s Japanese, she probably never will.

That’s my favorite bit so far.

OMG That’s…just…trippy.

I like this a great deal. Probably due to the fact I take Japanese.

One day after class, a ninensei girl walked up to me, and out of nowhere proudly exclaimed “Spread your legs!” Perhaps mistaking the look of shocked bewilderment on my face for misunderstanding, she stuck her chest out and repeated it even louder - “Spread your legs!”

She then produced a book of colloquial English expressions. Apparently. She’d taken the phrase from the police section…you know, “Get out of the car! Against the wall! Spread your legs!” She had just randomly selected “Spread your legs!” and decided to hit me with it one day.

But imagine one day a 14-yr old Japanese girl walks up to you and just shouts out “Spread your legs!” I had no idea how to react to that. If she’d whipped out a gun or a a samurai sword or even a small woodland animal I could have dealt with that, but “Spread your legs!” left me completely incapacitated.

This is rolling-on-the-floor, laugh-out-loud hilarious. This is my favourite part so far.

I wanna take Japanese! T.T

Hahahah, I love it.

This is good stuff.

Seen those before. Hilarious.

I remember when one of my friends moved to Japan, on the first day, he messaged me saying he had managed to accidentally call four waitresses prostitutes. He also got into a fight with a Yakuza, and ended up spotting a girl 50 yen to buy some panties from a vending machine.
The funniest part is, all of that but the Yakuza definitely happened. He took pictures of the girl, and he isn’t the kind to brag about calling someone a whore on accident.

I play Dodgedick all the time. All the ladies want a piece of me.

Serious though, awesome find. I didn’t know the author was african-american 'till he actually mentioned it.

This is brilliant! I’m going to have a LOT of laughs reading these. :smiley:

Just buy a book :stuck_out_tongue: Thousands cheaper and much easier. I taught myself katakana that way :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh yeah, learning a language from a book is so easy, especially one like Japanese. Expect to be completely fluent in a matter of weeks.

Oh…oh man…that’s rich. That’s some good stuff, esp. how much they can slaughter our culture and we do it right back in kind.

I should go get a book, too.I only know a few phrases here & there…stuff everyone knows…