Ogman’s remaining men suddenly hesitated, completely unprepared for facing another magic user in combat. “S-Sire…” muttered one. “Is he a sorcerer, too? How do we beat one such as him?!”
“Shut up, you moron!” the sorcerer cursed. “We still have our hostage, remember? He wouldn’t dare lay a finger on us while we hold his-”
“Hold what, again?”
Ogman and his goons turned back to the support beam, and saw nothing but a pile of sundered ropes. The girl had completely vanished. Cursing angrily, Ogman turned back to the warehouse entrance…just as Wil slammed him across the face with an electrified staff. The goons finally rushed in to attack, but Wil simply teleported out from between them, leaving only a small bag of powder. With a flick of his wrist, the bag exploded, showering the hapless grunts with sleeping powder. Ten seconds later, every last one of them was fast asleep.
The sorcerer uttered something unseemly under his throat. “Curse you…whoever you are! Do you really think you’ve beaten me?! I am Ogman the All-Powerful! I am invincible, unstoppable, indestructable! My powers will reshape the very nature of the universe! You are a buffoon compared to me, coward! You may have bested my goons, but you will never have-”
Realization finally struck the sorcerer as Wil smashed him across the face with a quick backhand. Even with the latter’s relative weakness, Ogman’s own physical frailty caused the blow to strike several times harder than it normally would have, sending him doubling over and grunting in absolute agony. “Look, Ivonne is already home safe. Your goons are down. The police are on their way. Just…be nice and give up, okay?”
Ogman looked at his down goons, and then back at the mage. “A-Alright. I guess I-”
The peaceful surrender ended as quickly as it had begun. A sudden wave of energy surrounded both Wil and Ogman, stunning the two long enough for the field to collapse upon them and vanish. There was no trace of either party left…
“Wait, wait, wait,” said Omega. “What does this have to do with anything? What, is…Ogman the mother or something?” The girl immediately went pale as a sheet, her hands stiffing so tight that she splintered the table.
“No, of course not!” said Wil. “Just…keep listening, okay?”
Wil and Ogman suddenly found themselves standing inside a small stone courtyard, nestled around a large grove of dying trees. Over three dozen robed figures were sitting in a circle, surrounding the two. A single figure, a beautiful young woman with shoulder-length silver hair and a satin robe, sat on a raised platform at one end, looking at the two with a mixture of curiosity and distain. “Priestesses,” she said. “I said to bring the thief only. No one else.”
Ogman’s face froze into a mask of terror. “No…No! How did you find me? HOW?!” Wil gripped his staff uneasily. He was unsure of what to make of this whole spectacle. Where was he? Who were these people? What did they want with Ogman? Why did Alan Moore get to write a Superman comic? And more importantly, why did he even care at this point?
The woman ceremoniously rose to her feet, pointing a figure at the still-cowering Ogman. “Sorcerer, you stole one of our sacred gems, upset the forests’ balance, and gravely wounded fifteen of our guards. And then you had the gall to run into the future-“ Wil’s eyes suddenly went as wide as pancakes. “-and initiate a campaign of destruction. Verily, these are no small charges.”
Ogman suddenly grasped onto Wil’s collar. “Please…protect me! Don’t let them kill me, please!”
The robed figures threw themselves to their feet and descended upon the two, chanting strange phrases under their breath. Wil looked at Ogman’s desperate face, trying to find something he could sympathize with, something that would save the sorcerer’s life. It didn’t take long to realize there was nothing there. His hands pushed Ogman away almost subconsciously, his head shooting around towards the woman. “If this is true, then he is yours. I was merely attempting to stop him from murdering my sister.”
The woman shouted something in an alien tongue, and the figures suddenly stopped. “Who are you, young human?”
“Wilfredo Martinez, novice wizard.”
The woman seemed bemused by his strained formality. “Very well, Mr. Martinez. Please come with me. We have much to discuss.”
FAST FORWARD
Wil couldn’t remember much about following the woman; he only saw the ever-increasing darkness and despair of the forest surrounding him, blocking out any hope of noticing familiar landmarks or other geographical identifiers. He could surmise he was still on Earth by the trees, but he had never seen anything this desolate since his brief stay on Iona. The woman occasionally looked back, as if making sure he hadn’t been left behind; for someone dressed in a long robe, she was surprisingly agile, easily navigating the gnarled path as if guided by some kind of sixth sense.
Finally, the two stopped at a small hut, nestled amongst the dead forest so neatly that it seemed to be a natural extension of the outside environment. The hut itself didn’t contain much of importance, except for a bed and a large bottle of wine…
<b><i>“OBJECTION!!!”</i></b>
Everyone slowly looked at the girl, who slowly began to sink back into her chair. “We don’t have a lot of time! Can you PLEASE hurry this up?!”
Wil grunted a small protest, but he could already see an increasingly impatient Val reaching for her Masamune. “Alright, you win. We talked about how the world was dying or something, and how she was planning to destroy her people’s enemies a hundred years from then, etc. And then we had too much to drink…And well…”
Everyone leaned in anxiously. “WELL…?”
Wil took a VERY long breath before beginning. “I (beeped) her (beep) while she (beeped) my (beep beep beep) and then (beep) (beep) (beeeeeeeeeeeep) her (beep beep) hard while (beep) was going (beep) in her (beep beep beep) and finally we (BEEPED!) so that we couldn’t walk for two days after that. Oh, that was such a good (beep) that we did it for two (beeping) weeks after! Ah, sweet youth!”
When he finally snapped out of his long monologue, he saw that Nel was emptying her stomach of two weeks worth of food, Ivonne had gone ghastly pale, Omega’s jaw had slammed through the table, Xero was shaking his head in sorrowful disgust, Weiila was already planning over three dozen law suits, Zachary was simply confused, Gemini was trying to figure out the sheer mechanics of it all, and Val was busy jotting down notes. “Um…oops?!”
MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE THE VERY SCARY FOREST OF BAD THINGS…
The evil businessman looked over the bluffs surrounding the forest, taking in its strangely serene beauty before they began the operation. Within the nearby base camp, several men and women, outfitted in heavy blue overcoats and full body armor, were busy arming obscenely large sci-fi-esque rifles and other assorted firearms. The same messenger as before slowly approached the man, beads of sweat coming down his face. “Uh…uh…sir? May I speak with you?”
“What is it, soldier?” said the businessman.
“It’s…Wilfredo Martinez, sir,” said the messenger. “If that…thing manages to contact him, we might have-“
“We have a plan for Martinez,” said the businessman. “They should be arriving right about…”
TWO MINUTES EARLIER…
“So…you know how protection usually works?” said Wil. “Well…I guess I hit that 2% right there.” He slowly pushed himself away from the table and approached Ivonne. “I…I don’t understand everything, I guess. But I’m sorry I wasn’t there for the last…hundred years or so.”
Weiila shook her head in disbelief. “It’s true…by God, it’s true.”
“Ivonne…can you forgive an old-but-somehow-younger-than-you fool?”
The girl rose slowly, her eyes looking over every feature of Wil’s face. After several minutes of tense silence, she suddenly latched onto him in a kung-fu grip and pulled him close. “Yeah, why not?” A sudden “awwww” came out of the audience. “Now, how’s about we…”
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, the sound revertabrating throughout the compound. “Now who could that be?” sighed Omega. He pushed the nearby intercom button. “Who is it?”
There’s no answer.
“Who <i>is</i> it?”
There’s no answer.
<b>”WHO IS IT?”</b>
They’re not saying anything!
Rather than continue this obvious rip-off of a much more entertaining piece, Weiila walked to the door and punched in the correct key combination. Sure enough, on the other side stood a very, very, VERY angry-looking woman, her eyes practically burning a hole through the other side of Weiila’s skull. “Oh…hello. Can we help you?”
“Where’s my daughter?”
“Oh- OH!” said Weiila. “You must be Ivonne’s mother!” Wil screamed something from the back, but Weiila paid him no heed. “Well, you’re a lucky woman. Not many people can possibly have a 100-something-year-old kid and still remain at least somewhat…decent looking!” The woman’s gaze grew ever darker and crueler. “And…look, I’m sure Wil’s gonna be a great dad, so-”
<b><i>“WHAT?!”</i></b>
(One world-shaking scream later)
The woman pushed Weiila aside and charged into the room, just as Wil tripped over a chair and fell face-first into the ground. “Ivonne! How’d you get here!”
“Some strange half-woman shot me here in a giant cannon,” said Ivonne-1. Gemini slowly sunk into her seat. “And what’s this about a daughter? Did you get married in the last few minutes?”
“Um…wow, this is awkward,” mumbled Wil. “Well, remember when I rescued you from that nutcase sorcerer? Well, between the time I took you home and when you called me a ‘Hell Spawn,’ I…kinda went back in time and…sorta had sex with a-”
“Oh, I get it!” said Ivonne-2. “This is your sister! The one you named me after!”
Ivonne-1 looked ready to snap; she probably would have if Nel hadn’t suddenly thrown herself between the three. “Come on, mom! It’s Uncle Wil we’re talking about!” Wil was taken aback that this substituted an actual excuse. “Besides, she’s not-”
“Nelimar,” said Ivonne-1, her eyes never leaving the distraught Wil, “wait for me outside.” Nel started to protest, but her mother’s cold look convinced her to slink off quietly. “Wilfredo Martinez, I have tried to be patient with you. Your commitment to this…superhero business, your dabbling in magic, your insistence on training my daughter. But now I learn you had a daughter? And you never told any of us?!”
“He didn’t know until ten minutes ago and one flashback ago!” shouted Omega.
“Shut up!” shouted Ivonne-1. “Wilfredo, you’ve gone too far this time! From now on, stay far away from Nelimar! If I see you near her ever again…you will not like what happens.” She immediately stormed out, not allowing Wil any time to stage a protest…until she came running back in, holding a piece of paper. “Wilfredo! Wilfre-”
“What now, wench!” said Xero. The whole Task Force stood to defend their favorite dirty old man.
“Nel…SHE’S BEEN KIDNAPPED!”
MEANWHILE, ELSEWHERE…
“Yes…I understand. Of course we’re all ready to go. Just…Just get the girl down here as soon as possible.” The businessman clasped the cell phone closed in a huff, cursing at the incompetent help he had to deal with on a daily basis. “Worms. The Task Force is out of town, and unless they had some sort of backup team ready to defend the Forest, those tree-huggers won’t know what hit them!”
ISSUE 21 END
Next Issue: It’s the Task Force versus a new threat! Who are these guys in blue? What do they want? And what is Ivonne’s true secret? And what was up with that scene at the beginning? Stay tuned, true suckers- I mean, true believers!
