The Reaver Saga

The Reaver Saga part 1: The Quest Begins

Galloway woke up to find himself tied to a chair, facing three shadowy figures. To his side was two Valkyries, armed with a sword in one hand and a spear in the other. Galloway’s eyes darted around anxiously. “Where the hell am I?” he shouted.

“You are back in the Heaven World,” said one of the shadowy figures. “We understand that you now have the Soul Reaver bound to your arm. It is our intention to have it removed.”

“Really?” asked Galloway. “Then why am I tied to a chair?”

“I understand your anxiety,” said another figure, “but these things are delicate. That’s why we had the Valkyries retrieve you from the mortal realm while you were asleep. We also retrieved your armor, so you can change afterwards.”

“Okay…” said Galloway. He frantically began to move his fingers in various positions. “Well, I suppose I could…JUGGLING LIGHTS!”

Three lights danced over Galloway’s head, illuminating the whole room. Finally, Galloway could see the three shadowy figures: Kai, Odin, and Raiden.

“Damn it,” said Odin, “I told you we should have used the magic-draining ropes!”

“Shut up, okay?” said Raiden. “Now, we want the Reaver to be removed as quickly as possible. However…”

“I knew it!” said Galloway. “There’s always a catch, isn’t there? Okay, what’ll it be?”

“It’s just…” said Kai, “…we cannot remove the Reaver here.” Galloway would have fainted if he wasn’t tied to the chair.

“The Reaver, we believe, originated in an area called the ‘Dark Side of the Universe’,” said Odin. “It’s a virtually unknown sector of the multiverse. We can tell you of a few of the outlaying worlds, but beyond that, even we Gods do not know about what dwells there.”

“This is very dangerous,” said Raiden. “That is why we will require you to hire a Spirit Guide. We had the Valkyries go through your wallet while you were asleep, and we hired the best Spirit Guide we could afford. Now, get your armor on, go back to Earth and get your ship ready. Also bring along one other person of your choosing.” Galloway sighed, threw his armor on, and dissapeared in a flash of light.

Galloway ran to the Flying Bunker, only to find a bunch of suited thugs standing in front. “Mr. Galloway?” said one of the men.

“Yeah,” said Galloway. “What do you want?”

“We’re from the Federal Aviation Agency,” said the suited thug. “We’ve done some testing on your ‘Flying Bunker’, and until our results are conclusive, we cannot allow it to fly. Now, please leave.” He then pressed a button, and Galloway fell through a trap door and into the sewer.

After crawling through sludge for a while, Galloway went to the old hanger on the abandoned side of RPG Town. He pressed a few buttons, and one of the hanger doors opened.

“Damn it, Gallo,” said a voice, “what’s going on?” Galloway looked at Weiila, who looked like she had gone through a shell storm. Her hair was a mess, her clothes didn’t even remotely match, and her glasses were on crooked.

“Sorry to bother you,” said Galloway, “but we’re going on another little adventure.”

“Oh no!” said Weiila. “I’m not going at 12:30 in the morning on another hair-brained adventure to save the universe! I’m NOT a morning person!”

“Whatever,” said Galloway. “You’re the only one I’d trust with this mission. We have to go to the most dangerous part of the multiverse in order to get rid of the Soul Reaver.”

“So this is more of a personal mission?” snapped Weiila. “You woke up my whole damn family for this? Go by yourself already!”

“Weiila,” said Galloway, “if you don’t go with me, I’ll give Star…the pictures.”

Weiila’s half-closed eyes suddenly sprang open. “The pictures? No, anything but that!”

“If you don’t want your kitty to see them,” said Galloway, “then come with me. I have a ship in the back of the hanger. Let’s get going.” He then dragged Weiila into the hanger.

In the back was a large, grey ship. It looked a bit like two femurs slapped together, with spikes at the end of each one. “I bought this off some guy about a year ago,” said Galloway. “He was a lousy drunk, so I actually got a good deal.”

“Whatever,” said Weiila. “Just get me to a bed already.” Galloway sighed, then dragged her on board. Waiting on the man deck was a large crate, as well as a big crowbar. Galloway threw Weiila onto a nearby cot, then pulled some switches. With a tremendous roar, the ship lifted off, taking down the whole hanger with it.

Galloway: What adventures await us at the Dark Side of the Universe? Who knows? Then again, who cares?!

Originally posted by d Galloway
Then again, who cares?!

Us, for a start.:hahaha; Please, continue.

This looks really good.

Ooooh boy… Valkyries + Gallo + Reaver = Mega Mess XD

Sounds like an incoming laugh bomb.


What… pictures? <<;; >> I have no idea what you’re talking about! Really!
Looking good, Gallo :slight_smile: But, timeline of the latest sagas please, I’m starting to get confused.

Not bad gallo. not bad. sooooooooooo. Is this going to be a more serious fic than you usually write or can we expect sheer madness to insue?

Originally posted by Weiila
What… pictures? <<;; >> I have no idea what you’re talking about! Really!
Looking good, Gallo :slight_smile: But, timeline of the latest sagas please, I’m starting to get confused.

Your official saga timeline:


Thanks a lot, just to be sure that the archives are properly organized :slight_smile:

The Reaver Saga part 2: The Abandoned Ship
By d_Galloway

Weiila slowly came back to conciousness, took one look around, and collapsed again. She was awakened when a bit of turbulance shook the whole ship.

She rose from the bed, and found herself in a large bedroom-like area. Her bed was little more than a matress and a sheet, and the only other furniture was a table, a chair, and a large bookshelf.

She walked to a strange wall panel, which slid open instantly. She stepped through, only to find herself staring at a wierd hallway. The walls were blue, and seemed to be covered with wierd shapes. The floor was simple metal, the kind usually found on interplanetary spaceships.

She walked through a bunch of wierd doors, until she found Galloway staring out a large window. Strangely, there was nothing out there but stars. Which meant…

“GALLO!” she shouted. Galloway turned around, crowbar raised.

“How nice to see you awake,” he said. “Well, we’re on our way.”


Galloway sighed, then shouted, “Calm!” Weiila suddenly relaxed and sighed.

“All right,” she said, “I’ll just go along…until I can find a way to escape.”

“Actually,” said a voice from within the large crate, “if you try to escape right now, your heart will explode, your brain would disintegrate, and you’ll be nothing more than a heap of blood and guts.”

Weiila looked dumbly at the crate. “Okay,” she said, “who’s in the box?”

“I don’t know, really,” said Galloway. “The label on the side read ‘Heavenly Discount Spirit Guides’, so I guess it’s the guide.” He then stuck the crowbar into the side of the box and pried it open.

The whole thing collapsed, revealing a small red robot. Its head was a gumball machine with a small, bird-like mouth, its arms were slinkies with plastic hands, and instead of legs, it had a small, inner tube-like device that was softly humming. They both looked on in dumbfounded horror.

“What’s everyone staring at?” asked the robot. “Haven’t you seen a spirit guide before?”

“Uh, you’re a small robot,” said Weiila.

“Of course I am!” said the robot. “Tom Servo, at your service!”

“I had no idea robots had souls,” said Galloway.

“Well, actually, I’m not dead,” said Servo. “I’m just acting like it so I could get the job. It doesn’t pay too well, but has an excellent health and benefits plan.”

“How many benefits does a robot need?” asked Weiila. Tom snarled, then jumped onto her. Galloway watched as the robot somehow managed to overtake Weiila and pin her to the ground.

Suddenly, the ship began to shake violently. Galloway checked out the window, but didn’t see anything. “Come on, you moron!” said Servo. “Look out the other window! Open Hexfield!” A nearby hexagonal shutter opened, revealing a large spaceship that had ran into the ship.

Galloway turned on a nearby radio, only to hear several bloody screams and shouts for help, followed by an eerie silence. “Something’s on that ship,” said Galloway. “That means only one thing…”

“Run like hell!” said Servo.

“No!” shouted Galloway. “We go on board and check it out! For all we know, it might have something important on board!” Weiila didn’t even bother saying anything; she just threw Tom off of her and grabbed her whip.

They crossed through a small connection-tube thingy onto the other ship. Like the radio, everything was completely quiet. However, after about five seconds, a scream echoed throughout the ship, followed by a loud splash. Galloway then turned on the flashlight mounted on his pistol, and saw a line of blood heading towards a nearby room.

Everyone slowly snuck to the door. Weiila tried the nearby switch, but it didn’t work; it seemed like the power was out. Galloway then kicked the door in, sending it flying onto the ground.

The room was probably a sleeping area once, but was now soaked with blood. Several bodies, seemingly human in race, were lying all over, torn apart in many places, a look of fear frozen on their faces for all eternity.

“Man,” said Servo, “what the hell went through here?”

“I have no idea,” said Galloway, “but we should probably get out of here-”

Suddenly, several monsterous creatures dropped down from the ceiling. They were large and completely black, with skeletal bodies and large, long heads. They opened their mouths, letting out a loud hiss. Barbed, tentacled-like tongues flicked in and out of their mouths. Galloway sighed, raised his pistol, and killed them all with a few bullets.

They ran back to the entrance, only to see a bunch of slime blocking their way. Galloway tried to cut his way through, but their was no affect. “We have no choice,” said Weiila. “We have to find another way out.”

Galloway: Nothing to see here, folks. Move along, folks, move along.

The Reaver Saga part 3: Adding Puzzle to the Pieces
By d_Galloway

“What the hell is going on here?” asked Weiila, scanning the entire hallway with her flashlight-whip. “One minute, we’re floating around in space, and the next, we’re trapped in a ship of blood and death!”

“You get used to it eventually,” said Servo. “Man, with the number of aliens and monsters I had to face back in the day, I should be dead a thousand times over!”

“Weiila,” said Galloway, “I don’t mean to insult your judgement, but that flashlight-whip of yours is the dumbest thing ever. A whip by itself is perfectly fine, but if you try to snap that whip, you’ll simply blind yourself with the light, leaving you wide open.”

“Better than any wimpy pistol,” said Weiila. “Besides, I thought you were a Saiyan. Why do you need a pistol to begin with?”

“I just like guns,” said Galloway. “Now, be quiet or I’ll splatter your brains all over the place!”

A bunch of aliens suddenly sprang from the ventilation shafts and dropped from the ceiling. Galloway raised and fired his pistol a couple dozen shots, killing the aliens. Weiila did try her whip, but the light blinded her, so she tore the flashlight off the whip.

“This doesn’t look good,” said Galloway. “These freaks seem to be all over the place. We should just duck into the nearest room and pray to God.” They then ran into the next room and locked the door.

When they finally calmed down enough to examine the room, they found that it consisted of a large generator and an enormous, high-tech computer. Galloway flipped on the generator, causing the entire area to light up. He then took the batteries out of his flashlight and put them back in his walkman.

“Hey,” said Servo, “this big computer might have some info. Maybe we should check it out.”

Galloway began to click and type, until he finally kicked the computer in disgust. Weiila then pressed one button, and the entire machine began to work.

“Exploration Ship X-F1, Department of Universal Knowledge Data Bank,” said a computer-like voice. Voice databank damaged. Automatic playback of most recent entry."

A bunch of text began to scroll down the computer screen. “Captain’s Log, number 51,” read Galloway. “The so-called ‘Dark Side of the Universe’ is no longer completely unknown. We have documented many different planets for the first time in our good planet’s history. However, I am a bit disturbed about our other orders. We grabbed a specimin off one of the worlds, but I cannot help but feel wrong about taking such a young specimin. We’re holding it inside the Cryogenic Chamber, but I’m worried about those wierd boxes we got…I keep hearing a loud hi-”

“There’s nothing else,” said Galloway. “I guess whatever did this got the captain, too.”

A shadowy figure sat on a large throne, drinking something out of a wine goblet. A soldier-like man entered the room and saluted.

“Sir,” he said, “we have eliminated the threat. We have bugged the cameras if you wish to see it yourself.” He then wheeled in a TV screen, which showed a bunch of different rooms.

Suddenly, the TV showed Galloway, Weiila and Servo examining the computer. The figure held up his hand, and the camera stopped. “Zoom in on the man,” he said, in a deep, harsh voice.

The camera zoomed in on Galloway, until it revealed his face. “At last,” said the voice. The one with the Reaver has appeared. Now, let’s see how he fares…"

Galloway: Remember kids, don’t do drugs, or we’ll make you watch a thousand commercials involving frying eggs and using them as metaphors for your brain on drugs!

The Reaver Saga part 4: Zerg Rush
By d_Galloway

Galloway continued to browse through the computer, until he came across a map of the ship. “We need to get off of this piece of crap as quickly as possible,” said Galloway. “According to the map, the Cryogenic Chamber and bridge are close to each other, so we should hit those specific targets first.”

“That’s nice,” said Weiila, “but how the hell do we do THAT?!”

“Easy!” said Servo. “We run through, screaming and panicing like little school girls, until something falls from the ceiling and kills us.”

“Or,” said Galloway, “we just walk five backwards. The back door to this room leads right to the bridge area.” Everyone turned around, and saw another door. Sighing, they stepped through. Sure enough, the flickering lights revealed two doors. One said “Cryogenic Chamber” and the other read “Bridge”.

“Weiila,” said Galloway, “you and Servo check out the bridge. I’ll check out the Cryogenic Chamber.” He then stepped through the Cryogenic Chamber doors before Weiila and Servo could argue.

The Cryogenic Chamber was colder than a walk-in fridge; cold as a gun. Several empty tubes adorned both sides of the room, as well as one occupied one. Galloway couldn’t make out what was inside, but didn’t care; it might have some information on the Reaver.

He pressed a few buttons on a control panel by the occupied tube. It slid down, as a single figure dropped out. Galloway flashed his light onto the figure, and was surprised to find a young human girl.

Weiila and Servo opened the doors to the bridge, only to be shocked by what was inside. Dead, cocooned bodies were scattered all over, many of them showing the same shocked expressions that they had found on the other corpses. Some were still clutching large, laser-like guns, while others had been torn to tiny shreds.

“What the hell is going on here?” asked Weiila.

Suddenly, as if in response, the aliens dropped down from the ceiling and popped out of the air vents. Weiila and Servo tried to run, but more aliens quickly blocked their way.

Galloway ran back into the hallway and began to fire rounds into the aliens like crazy. However, for every one he killed, ten more seemed to show up. Soon, he was out of ammo. He holstered the gun and ran right into the crowds of aliens, while Weiila and Servo tried desperately to hold off the ones coming from the bridge.

Suddenly, alien parts went flying around. Weiila and Servo turned, and saw Galloway, standing on a pile of alien goo, wielding the Reaver. The aliens hissed and snarled, but suddenly ran off.

“I guess we did it!” shouted Galloway. Then he heard a crackling sound, followed by some smoke. He looked down, and saw that his shoes were on fire. He jumped around like a maniac, then lept right back into the Cryogenics Chamber, where his feet finally cooled down.

“Damn alien blood!” he shouted. “The stuff’s like acid!”

“Okay, now,” said Servo, floating calmly over the piles of blood and goo, “we’ve got that problem done with, except…”

“What now?” asked Galloway.

“Well, what did they run away from?” asked Servo. “They looked paniced long before you used that flaming sword-thingy.”

“You don’t think…” began Weiila, but a loud rumbling confirmed their fears. An enormous alien, with an armored head and body, smashed through the wall and charged towards the group.

Galloway: Weiila, I need sixty bucks for a new pair of shoes. Got anything?
Weiila: I can give you a nickel I found at a bus stop.
Galloway: It’s a start!

HMM. Gallo + SC world = madness. Hmm. Les See Gallo + story = Madness. Damn it. Gallo + serious = Error does not compute. ARghhhhh.

Oh boy… Now what will come next? XD
By the way, Gallo, should we be expecting the Reaver to make any weird comments? Raziel should be pretty cranky after being awakened like that. XD

The Reaver Saga part 5: The Journey Truly Begins
By d_Galloway

Galloway powered up to Super Saiyan and charged at the monster, only to get slammed aside with one claw. Weiila tried to cast Holy, but lost her concentration when she jumped around in pain after getting struck by acid blood. Servo just hovered there, screaming, before finally getting batted away.

“Very good, my pet,” said a dark voice. A far set of doors opened, and a man, dressed in black and silver clothing and wearing black shades, entered the hallway. He approached the monster and began to pet it; it hissed softly in response.

Suddenly, Galloway smashed back through the wall, still in SSJ form. “Who the hell are you?” he asked.

The man looked in horror at Galloway. “I created a way AROUND the SSJ power,” he gasped. “How is it that he’s still alive?” Galloway suddenly realized why he was beaten in one hit, and powered back down.

“There is more to this Saiyan scum than meets the eye,” said the man, now grinning. “Quertyl, finish him off.” The monster turned and snarled at Galloway, then charged.

Galloway quickly summoned the Reaver and raised it to face level. “Come on, ugly!” he shouted. “Your mother was a cockroach!”

The monster’s snarling rose to a crescendo. Galloway had obviously pissed it off. It lept at its target, only to watch it roll out of the way, jump in from befind, and slam it into the ground using the Reaver.

The man just stared on blankly. “What the hell is this Saiyan?” he gasped.

Quertyl began to return to its feet, only to get uppercutted into the air by Galloway. He then jumped up to the monster’s level and repeatedly slashed it, then blew it away with an energy blast. The monster rose again, but Galloway teleported close to it and uppercutted it back again.

This time, it went flying through the bridge and into the window. It smashed through, creating an enormous vacuum. The door to the bridge closed just as the bodies inside were blown out, along with the alien, which promtly exploded.

“My pet!” shouted the man. “How is this possible?!”

“If you want,” said Galloway, “I could send you to meet it. But first, who are you?”

The man regained his compusre. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “My plans continue regardless.” He then threw Galloway a piece of paper.

“I know of the Reaver,” he said. “Someone stole it from its home world, then lost it on Earth. That parchement has the location of every world that knows about the Reaver, and the new story that will unfold with it. Follow the worlds, and you will have your answer.”

“That doesn’t answer my question!” shouted Galloway, but the man suddenly dissapeared. Galloway willed the Reaver to dissapear, and puzzled over this information.

“Emergency!” shouted the computer. “Emergency Self-Destruct has been activated!” Galloway snapped back to reality, grabbed Weiila, Servo and the girl, and ran like hell to the nearby escape pod bay.

He launched one pod, wedging himself in with the others. He then spun it around back onto his ship. He quickly got rid of the connection tube-thingy and blasted off, just as the abandoned ship exploded.

“That was close!” he sighed.

“I’d say!” said a voice. Servo pulled himself up from under the two girls and gasped for air. “Do you know how many times I’ve been hit around!”

“I thought you were experienced,” said Galloway.

“I am!” said Servo. “With the number of aliens, monsters and freaks I’ve had to face in the past, I should be dead a million times over!”

“Shut…up,” said Weiila, pulling herself back up. “Let’s just go.”

“What about the girl?” asked Servo, pointing to the child. Galloway finally got his first good look at her. She was about ten years old, with long purple hair and a large forehead. She could be picked out from about a hundred yards away from the looks of it.

“We’ll take her along,” said Galloway. “I’m interested in learning about her, too.”

Galloway: For a limited time only, the Soul Reaver! Steal your friend’s souls for fun and profit at NO MONEY DOWN!

Dontcha know that purple haired girls with big foreheads come from animes and are often ev0l?! … right, Galloway… doesn’t matter in the end…

Originally posted by Weiila
Dontcha know that purple haired girls with big foreheads come from animes and are often ev0l?! … right, Galloway… doesn’t matter in the end…

It’s from an anime, yes…but it’s not evil. Annoying, yes, but not evil…

The Reaver Saga part 6: Dark Side of the Space Station
By d_Galloway

The girl came to her senses a few hours later. She was lying on a cot at the bridge. Galloway was a few feet away from her, piloting the ship, while Weiila and Servo were at the counter by the window drinking tea.

“Where…where am I?” she asked.

“Welcome…to the Sattelite of Love,” said Servo.

Weiila immediately spat out her tea. “Sattelite of Love? What kind of stupid name is that?”

“It’s the ship’s old name,” said Galloway. “It was based off of designs of an older sattelite that was destroyed several years ago.”

“…sattelite?” asked the girl. “What’s a sattelite?” She looked out the window, and ran to the counter. “Are those stars?”

Galloway looked at the girl strangely. “Of course. A sattelite’s a large thing that floats around in space. What backwoods planet do you come from?”

“Ignore him,” said Weiila. “He’s a nutcase. What’s your name?”

“Yuushi,” said the girl.

“Well, Yuushi,” said Servo, “welcome to our little group! Now, Mr. Galloway, what is our current position?”

“We’re approximately 15 million yards from a space station,” said Galloway. “We might want someone to check out our little sattelite.”

Servo gasped. “You idiot! There are no space stations on our route! You’ve driven us off course!”

“Well, if a certain red robot had been a little more helpful,” said Galloway, “we wouldn’t be having any problems, now would we?”

“Shut up,” said Weiila. “We can just check our position at the space station.”

They reached the space station a few hours later. It was round and circular, with several different decks and ports. Galloway steered the SoL into one of the ports and put it in park.

“Okay,” said a blue alien, “that’ll be 1305950 space cre-” It looked at Galloway, then gasped and backed off. “A Saiyan!”

“You got a problem with that?” asked Galloway.

“N-no!” said the alien. “In fact, I’ll service your ship for free! I’ll even give you everything I have! Just don’t hurt me!” He threw an electronic card on the ground and ran off.

“Well that was wierd,” said Galloway. “I guess Saiyans are known here, too.” They then got off the sattelite and made their way to a bar on the station. Everyone’s eyes turned to Galloway when they entered; some were filled with hatred, while others were filled with fear.

The man from the spaceship entered the head office of the station. “A Saiyan is on board,” he said to a figure behind a chair.

“Really?” said the figure. “Well, it’s time we stopped the prophecy from being completed. Kill the Saiyan and the other alien.”

“Which one?” asked the man.

“You know,” said the figure. “The one we picked up a week ago. She’s been a nuisance for too long anyway; she’s a regular bitch.”

“It will be done, sir,” said the man. He bowed, then left the office.

Galloway: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Weiila: You’re as funny as a urinary infection.

The Reaver Saga part 7: The Awakening
By d_Galloway

“This is a nice place,” said Weiila, not even attempting to disguise her sarcasm. “Wierd alien guys walking around, indescribable smells in the air, the fact that someone’s trying to eat my wings…” She then elbowed a small creature that was nibbling on one of her feathers.

“This isn’t that bad,” said Servo, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer. “At least they allow smoking and kids.” Yuushi just leaned forward and drank from her milk.

The bartender made his way into the back, where he found the only available waitress. “All right, kid!” he shouted. “This is your last chance before I throw you in the special!”

A small, animal-like figure emerged from a dark corner. It had spikes on its head that were combed forward, and wore a red dress. Were it not for those facts, it would have passed off as a guy.

“There’s a Saiyan out there,” said the bartender. “Make sure he and his friends are happy. I don’t want a repeat of our previous problems…”

“Sir,” said the girl, “those weren’t my-”

“SHUT UP!” shouted the bartender. “Do this right, or I’ll make a…a…whatever-the-hell-you-are pie!”

“Hedgehog, sir,” said the girl.

“SHUT YOUR STINKING MOUTH!” said the bartender. “Go to the Saiyan. He’s the red-haired one with the tail!” He then threw an apron onto the hedgehog and kicked her out of the back.

“So, according to that one drunk guy,” said Yuushi, “we should head 35 degrees north until we reach the Ritzbreaker Nebula, then go 96 degress until we reach the first planet on the list.”

“Can we really trust a drunk guy?” asked Servo. “Maybe you should relly on a superior robot to guide you!”

“Superior robot?” said Weiila. “You have a gumball machine for a head!”

“Excuse me,” said a small voice. Everyone looked around, then looked at the girl hedgehog talking to them. “I’m Amy, and I’ll be your waitress tonight, Mr. Saiyan.”

“Don’t call me that,” said Galloway. “Just treat me like anyone else that gets served like this in a bar.”

“Okay,” said Amy. “Anyway, our specials are Koring’dehla and Frea-nfbyes’bdyer. Anything sound good?”

Weiila, Servo and Yuushi passed, but Galloway went into thought mode almost instantly. “The first one sounds tempting…but I guess I’ll try the second.”

Amy stared at him, dumbfounded. “Very well, sir,” she whimpered, before backing her way into the back of the bar. The bartender was on her almost immediately.

“You know what this means,” he said. “You did a good job…too bad he ordered that special, isn’t it?”

“Wait a second!” shouted Amy. “You have plenty of hedgehog meat! You try to make me eat it every day, remember?”

“No, that was dog food,” said the bartender. “After we spent that month demoralizing you to the level of infancy, we could pass anything off as whatever we wanted!”

“Excuse me,” said Galloway, tapping the bartender on the back, “but what exactly did I order?”

“Don’t you know?” said the bartender. “What kind of Saiyan are you?”

“I wasn’t born on the Saiyan homeworld, if that’s what you mean,” said Galloway. “I was born on Earth. But enough about that; what the heck did I order?”

“The literal translation is ‘meat pie’,” said the bartender, “but we find the rare hedgehog meat a few light years from here to be better than any other available.”

“So,” said Galloway, slowly realizing what was going on, “I just ordered Amy to her death…”

“Yes,” said the bartender. Amy, however, was already crawling through a ventilation duct. The bartender grabbed her leg and tore her back into the room.

“Don’t bother trying to escape again!” said the bartender. “The man wants his hedgehog pie, and that’s what he’s gonna-”

“I don’t want HEDGEHOG, you moron!” said Galloway. “Let the girl go!”

“Make me!” shouted the bartender. Their shouting match had caught the attention of many of the patrons, who had entered the back area now.

“Okay,” said Galloway. He summoned the Reaver and plunged it through the bartender’s chest, leaving him a lifeless husk on the ground. The other patrons charged Galloway, but he quickly sliced them apart using his new weapon.

Finally, nearly everyone brave enough to fight Galloway had either died or ran off. Galloway willed the Reaver away, then helped the cowering Amy to her feet. “Are you all right, my dear?” he asked.

“Wh-what the heck was that?” she gasped.

“That was a question,” said Galloway. “It is a type of sentence used to reinforce a request for information, such as…”

“No!” shouted Amy. “What was that sword?”

“Oh, THAT!” said Galloway. “It’s called the Soul Reaver, if you’re interested. I might tell you more about it, but first, we have to cut our way out.” He grabbed Amy (who had grabbed a nearby cardboad box) by the arm and teleported back to the others, who had ran back to the Sattelite of Love.

“We found a bunch of time bombs on board!” said Weiila. “Good thing Servo knows how to disarm them!”

“Disarm them?” asked Servo. “I thought you said to disCARD them!” The space station was suddenly rocked by a large explosion.

“Everyone, get the hell on board!” shouted Galloway. He grabbed the confused Amy and threw her right into the ship, passed Servo, and into a side wall. He then jumped on himself and closed the entry. The SoL rocketed off as the space station exploded.

“Fools,” said the man, flying off in his escape pod. “It was stupid of them to trust me. Oh well, two birds with one-” He then saw the SoL flying off, and cursed silently.

“The boss won’t be happy about this!” he sighed, before flying off into the distance.

Galloway: Space…the Final…Frontier…These are the…voyages of…the starship…Enterprise…
Weiila: It had to happen, folks. It just had to happen. smacks Galloway on the head and drags him off

Why do people always try to eat my wiiings? ;_;