The people in the apartment upstairs...

…won’t stop fucking. Furiously. Loudly. On a squeaky fucking bed. It started at midnight. Then they did it again five AM. Then at ten AM and at noon. Now they’re doing it again at 2:18 PM. Does anybody have some absolutely wacky but impractical solutions to this problem? If so… fuck off.

Is there actually a way I can go about this? I thought about getting them a bed that doesn’t squeak. That would cost me way too much money, but I’d actually be able to get sleep. I thought of killing them, but then my girlfriend might feel somewhat upset. I’ve banged on the ceiling, but it seems to only make them fuck louder… harder… like… like… OCTOPI or something.

I doubt there’s a solution, actually, I just wanted to bitch to a bunch of people that probably don’t have any fucking going on around them.

I must also note: if you do it loud and hard for five minutes, you’re hardly a stud.

I feel your pain, I really do. Except the couple upstrairs from me for some reason (which I try very hard not to figure out) run back and forth in between the wounded monkey shrieks.

Anyway, is there anyone you can complain to? I don’t know about the rules over there, but here you can get evicted for being too loud at night.

I once solved a noisy upstairs neighbor problem by making even harder to endure noise with a squeaky hammock holder that hadn’t seen oil nor use for a few years. I loaded the hammock with a couple of chairs and let it swing. The noise of the holder grinding against its supporting structure in the wall was so bad it almost made me give up. When they asked me to stop, I demanded them to stop their noise too. It pissed the neighbor below off, though.

You could try and drown him out. With more sex. When they’re eating.

Play hardball.

Buy a huge subwoofer or borrow one. The bigger the better. Next, download some bass test tracks off the Interweb. Play said test tracks over the sub until shit starts falling off the walls.

Then when the neighbors bitch, tell them your demands: stop the fucking or the bass continues. Oh, and tell them you made recordings of them and you’ll complain to the apartment manager :slight_smile:

Well, leaving a small note to the message board in the apartment with something to do with:

“Dear Mr. And Mrs. Duracell, it’s is quite admirable that you are such prolific breeders. Does Durex pay you royalties or something for each game of hide the snake? Anyway, would you please stop with the screwing? I’m having a hard time explaining it to the children. - Love, Canopener under your foreskin.”

… Or just wait 'til they notice sex is all they have and they dump eachother. Sheesh.

I DEMAND you leave that note. No, seriosuly, do it.

Uhh, knock on the door the next morning and politely let them know you can hear them?? If they don’t stop, call the super/landlord. How is this complex?

Because there is potential for hilarity of course.

The guy fucking might be you.

If he were the one doing the fucking he wouldn’t be complaining about the noise.

Tell them you can hear them but if they get snobby, which will in all likelihood happen, either tell the super or follow Ren’s plan. Although using Mabat’s note suggestion would be far more amusing.

I’m not sure there’s much you can do except go up there dressed like Freddie Krueger and relocalize the guy’s testicles. Did you try talking to the landlord?

make sure when you tack a silly note to there door to add in some videogame references!!! LOL :ark:

I’d tell the landlord/super about it. We had some college kids in the apartment behind us, who would be partying in the middle of the night, I have no idea what they were doing but there would be these huge bangs from the other side of the wall for hours. We complained, and they eventually got evicted (Because they didn’t stop when they were warned).

If the people living above you have any sense, they’ll probably stop if threatened with that, and if not, they’ll be out of there anyway…the note isn’t a bad idea either. :stuck_out_tongue:

You realize my post was a reference to Fight Club. Right?

Sex usually doesn’t last hours. If I had to venture a guess, I’d say it was DDR. These days I have to play silently on my tiptoes, and that’s hella hard on ten foot In the Groove songs.

:eek: :eek:

what you’ll say about single 90-ish lady jumping for hours over your head?

If you want to shut them up, do your best ‘perverted bastard’ impersonation and ask if you can join in. With luck, that’ll creep them out and ruin their sex lives forever.

Try talking to them first in an honest manner, and if they don’t even try to let up talk to the property management. I’ve had this problem before, and I didn’t have to go to the management.

Also, your last sentence had me rolling. :smiley:

Wow. I accidentally clicked on the Muay Thai thread (thinking it was this one) and casually scrolled down. I saw Sinistral say, “Take pictures!”

I thought: “Gee… why would he be so enthusiastic to see…” and then I paused. Scrolled up. Hit the back button.

About this thread: I’m not sure how serious I actually want to be. They weren’t fucking like “stoned test bunnies,” as the saying goes about a week ago. If this is anything like any other relationship, this issue will probably solve itself. If it doesn’t… well… then I’ll probably talk to them. And then the landlady.

I pretty much made this thread for amusement purposes only, though, I should have probably tagged it as such.

VM: Thanks!