The "Messenger of God" Review Game!

Now, I spent some time reading the reviews at GameFAQs. Hey it’s something to do.

Now, there’s one thing that really, REALLY annoys me. It’s when people give a review of a game (I generally check out bad reviews for games I consider good, but there are good reviews for bad games… I’m biased, so sue me) and proceed to act as if they are the ONLY ones who truly played the game and know the truth, so you had better listen to them, everyone are all stupid dolts and will burn in gaming hell for thier stupidity.

Kinda like Jehovah’s Wit<strike>l</strike><b>n</b>esses.

I don’t mind when people admit that it’s thier opinion and give reasons on why a good game sucks ass. It’s just the kind that act like thier opinion is ESTABLISHED AND IRREFUTABLE FACT. (Tip, look for reviews that claim to be unbiased.)

Thus, the game. Go out and go to GameFAQs and find “Messenger of God” reviews. Post them if you wish. Ridicule them if you like. The best (worst?) review found gets a cookie.

Can’t find it ;_;

Yeah, so in Messenger of God, do you, like, go to the Almighty for powerups after missions, or something?

<img src=“”>

facepalms The idea is to find game reviews where the reviewer acts like a “Messenger from God”, nto to FIND the game “Messenger of God”

TD: Too bad I can’t access that thread.

Originally posted by Tenchimaru Draconis
<img src=“”>

This page won’t load for me.

Starstorm: I get a cookie every time I log in to post.

<img src=“”> Yet another reason to MAKE MORE SHRINES FOR MOTHER <strike>RUSSIA</strike> RPGC.

… Less smartassery, more reviewy.

Would it be okay to show that lovely review to the rest of the gang? SK’s call methinks. It’s a strange one…

I have a good one. I understand what you mean, having read some reviews on gamefaqs. I’ll post a demo, from FFTactics (not advance)

This is somewhat messenger of god-ish, but it’s still wicked stupid

Originally posted by IonMage
[b]I have a good one. I understand what you mean, having read some reviews on gamefaqs. I’ll post a demo, from FFTactics (not advance)

This is somewhat messenger of god-ish, but it’s still wicked stupid [/b]

…oh dear God.

For the record, that isn’t my review :stuck_out_tongue:

I like FFT

Stupid… people…

Originally posted by IonMage
This is somewhat messenger of god-ish, but it’s still wicked stupid

That is stupid yes. Not “Messenger of God” stupid, though.

Here’s one Weiila showed me:

I really wanna see the flame SK got. Was… told about it and… jsut man. That would be perfect “Messenger of God”. Cursing, drunken, abusive, neanderthal fanboy-type “Messenger of God”, but still.

…woah… that was dumb. Now i get the idea, how about… this…?

Admittedly, he only bashes the opinion of one other, but does that count?

How about this one for Chrono Trigger. True, this would be one of the few reviews that don’t claim that CT is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but the way the review is written, I don’t think I’m just singling it out for being different.

Is this any surprise to you?
It’s from GameFAQs after all.

Originally posted by Merlin
[b]Here you go, I forwarded a copy to SK so that he could reply to this person who uh, “didn’t like” Sephy’s review of Shadowrun, but this was so awesome that I just had to post it here for all of you to see. Just keep an eye that in some parts the text of SK’s review and the guy’s ragings get merged into an ecstatic orgasm of ignorance, so just keep an eye on it :P…

This message is in regard to your Shadowrun review located at: (
I belive it was a very innacurate review for the following reasons - that is, if you even care to here me out.

Title Shadowrun
Developer Data East
Year 1993
Platform SNES
Capsule Rating 2

Capsule Review:
Shadowrun starts out very promisingly,

Indeed, it does

with your character’s death. While a rockin’, sludgy riff plays (turn up your speakers for this one, it’s actually one of the best pieces of music to be found in just about any video game), said character suddenly gets to his feet for no evident reason, with no clue as to who or where he is. Thus begins his trek around the city, with nothing but the clothes on his back, and his quest to find out just what happened and who was behind his death and rebirth.

Shadowrun has nothing

Wrong, it has allot many games do not, which is origionality, creativity, and allot more you could ever come up with for any game

if not a unique feel - with its dirty cities and trashy-looking sprites, this is probably the grittiest game the Super Nintendo has to offer outside of Doom, and it’s got an industrial-type guitar soundtrack to match.

Thats the point, dirty citys, the year is in the 2050’s afterall, what are you expecting? Rainbows? Clean water?? Incase you don’t already realize it, Shadowrun isn’t just a SNES game, its based off the RPG known as “Shadowrun” its a popular underground one at that. Thats the problem with you game review writers, all your writing is worth shit. It sucks. You base it all off your own opinion and no one elses. You also don’t ‘review’ shit for that matter. I wouldn’t be surprized if all you did was chug down doughnuts and laugh your fatt ass off at a game with 16-bit graphics. It was made in 1991 for christ sakes you stupid jerk off! Go fuck a cow!

With the brilliant exposition

Indeed it was you fat ass fucker
, the first half hour or so of the game is rife with suspense, as one stalks the streets under heavy sniper fire.

They are NOT snipers you stupid asshole, they’re called “Hitmen” they are not some governmental people working for the U.S secret service, they’re HITMEN!! PEOPLE WHO KILL FOR PAY! CRIMINALS YOU STUPID FUCK!

Unfortunately, that half hour is all the game’s got

It’s got more than that 1" dick you have thats shoved down your throte

, and after it’s over, one starts to see the drawbacks, not the least of which is a poor combat system.

Its better than DOOM you faggot
Basically, one walks until one sees an enemy

Basically, you should walk once in a while and burn some of that fat
, one draws one’s gun

I’d like to ‘draw’ a gun at you
, and one guns it down from where one is standing

No, there’s also HITMEN TOO. H.I.T.M.E.N.
This could have been orchestrated much better -

So could this review written by some fat ass 12 year old who only enjoys the cutting edge graphics of video games in 2005. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!@
for instance, why the devil can’t one move while shooting?

LMMFAO!!! “Why the devil” ?? What, did your mother spank you if you swore?
There you go…right there, its proof, you dont like it, your basing your opinions souly on your own, You see, people like you dont get the fucking point, if you think a game sucks, dont even WRITE a review, stupid bitch, no one wants to sit there and read your bitching and complaining, I mean, WHY THE DEVIL CANT YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP? FAGGOT!

Furthermore, if one walks until one is in a position to shoot the enemy, that in almost all cases means that the enemy is in a position to shoot back; holstering one’s gun and running takes too long and is counterproductive, and thus, there’s no strategy involved - one just draws and hopes one have enough HP to survive.
No, you obviously dont know how to use a SNES controller dip shit. And why the fuck do you use the word ‘draw’ people dont fucking ‘draw’ guns in the year 2050. Do you sit on your fat fucking ass at 1 AM and watch old western movies as well? I thought so.
But that’s not the game’s worst flaw
It doesnt have any, except for its asshole haters like you
, which is the utter lack of a compelling story after the first half hour.
189,000 RESULTS!!

Sure, there’s plenty of wandering around and learning about “The Matrix” (which, after the movie, should cause naught but guffaws),
but that’s not interesting.


The protagonist,

Jake, has no characterization whatsoever; he’s an ugly former hired goon who guns down ugly hired goons.
OH BOY, YOU ARE A FAGGOT!!! YOUR JUDGING OTHER MALES!? Not to mention the fact they’re consists of pixels on a 16 bit game, where in the year 2050 not everyone is exactly beautiful? Hey man, just because your fucking ugly, and gay, doesnt mean you have to take it out on this AWESOME RPG.
Likewise for the other characters. Sure, there’s even an attempt to introduce a “spiritual element,” in the person of the Dog character, and various fantasy elements in the persons of all the Orcs and Dwarves, but this works so poorly
Oh does it? Not quite ou stupid ass, check the results, check the GOOD reviews. Also note the fact Microsoft owns the licence for the game. Take a guess at why.
in the futuristic context of the setting that it’s only laughable.
Was your TV off when you where laughing?
The setting, incidentally, only exacerbates all these problems, as everything looks so alike - the same deserted streets, the same ghettoes, the same broken windows and the same overuse of earth tones. In the end, one is liable to just get bored with the creative poverty of this world, and move to better ways to spend one’s time.

Your site is boring. It makes me sick. You prick, fuck you, die, I hate you, I hate your cheezy site at its attempt to lie about good games. Your so self centered, get a god damn life asshole, loose some weight, and again, FUCK YOU!!!
PS: Everyone hates you, did you know there is even an ANTI-RPGCLASSICS website about you that gets more visitors than your own site? THEY THINK YOUR A FATTASS FAGGOT WHORE TOO!!![/b]

LMAO that rocks.

It’s kind of hard to write a review and not act lot your opinion is the most important opinion. If you don’t, the person reading the review thinks you’re unsure of yourself and isn’t really interested in what you have to say. What gets me more are reviews that rehash all the established pros and cons of a game as established by other reviewers and are completely uninteresting.