The King of Fanfiction: The Fanfic

That sounded vaguely sinister… backs away from Lu Bu sprite

It’s a good thing my computer is on the floor, I would have injured myself if I had been in a chair, I was laughing so hard

Val finally found herself in the deepest part of the forest. With no bloody clue about where she was, she stumbled through the dark brush and dying plantlife, until she found a stone path. It lead into a clearing in the forest, where a house-like object was found.

Val started walking towards it, but then noticed something else walking towards it as well. Her keen eyes picked up what it was:


Dante shot himself down from the rope. Cocking his gun, he prepared to leave when he heard a massive growl from behind. He turned…and saw four flesh-eating Teletubbies lumbering towards him. He did what any sane person would do.

He ran, screaming like a little baby.

Maz walked around the outer rim of the forest. He tried to remember where he had placed that Quill long ago. Finally, he found the spot.

He moved the rock blocking the cave, only to find a note. It read:

Need a Quill? Tired of bratty kids? Talk to Whynie the Bitch for all of your bitchin’ needs!

Maz concluded that the writer had intended “witch” instead of “bitch”, but quickly followed the map on the back of the note.

Hayes walked for another five minutes before running back into Dante. Naturally, the now-escape was not happy about what happened before, but just then, the Teletubbies closed in on them. They jumped onto another muddy track, which sent them slipping down onto a sloped rock, which sent them flying out of the forest. They landed with a bang onto the top of a huge rock formation.

They were obviously out of the search for the Golden Quill, but could easily make it up in the next round.

Archone and Ersatz fought off the evil creatures, but where grabbed from behind. Needless to say, they were dragged off.

Weiila continued her panic flight away from the evil winged beasts. However, she was so paniced that she lost track of where she was going and ran head-on into Star, who was looking down from on top of a tree. The two then fell into a chimney.

They bounced off a metal pot and landed at the feet of a green, warted woman with a black robe and pointy black hat.

(to be continued)

laughs I’d say they were an inept bunch of adventurers if i wasn’t scared of their admin powers.

Whoo, it looks like I might get the quill! All it will take is a good hit to d’s back with Gungnir, and I’m set!

You would stirke him in the back like a sneakly little theif? Fight like a man! Woman. Squirrel. Whatever.

Sad news, Val, but you don’t get it. Neither do I. You’ll have to wait to see who wins this round of the KING OF FANFICTION! fanfare

Ok Hayes, this is the last straw. STOP MESSING ME UUUUUUUP! WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! cries IM IN SHOCK FOMR THE TELETUBBIES!!! cires more Ok I’m done. This is just getting better and better. I want a fight scene with Hayes where something interupts it and it doesn’t even last for a second. :stuck_out_tongue:

Originally posted by Pierson
You would stirke him in the back like a sneakly little theif? Fight like a man! Woman. Squirrel. Whatever.

Oh, God, don’t tell me you really think there’s honor in battle? Look, the point of battle is, you win, the other loses. To Win is to live, in most cases, and I, for one, like to live, thank you very much.

And damn you, Galloway! shakes her fist angrily at d

“flesh-eating teletubbies”, that is hilarious, and some what creepy at the same time!

Dante you know I’d whoop that ass.


Galloway found the house to be made of nothing but candy. The walls were gingerbread, the chimney was licorice, and the dog crap out front bore a strange resemblance to chocolate pudding. Shrugging, he began to open the door.

Suddenly, he heard a loud whistling coming from behind. Val watched as her spear closed in on her target. A ripping noise was heard, followed by Gungnir imbedding itself on the chocolate door. Smiling, she walked forward, until she heard a voice from behind.

“Next time, Val, try to be a bit closer. Your spear made WAY too much noise.”

The two entered a brief battle to the death, but things stopped when they both fell into a net. Just then, a very witch-like person began to approach them.

“Well, well,” she said, “look what I caught!”

Weiila and Star broke out of the cage and searched the house for anything useful. Strangely, they found nothing. Just then, the witch began to return home. They jumped into a barrel and waited for her to come.

Maz found the house. He approached the witch and said, “Excuse me, oh farest hag, but do you have a Golden Quill?”

“Why, yes!” said the witch. “Come inside with me!” Dropping Galloway and Val with a thud, they walked inside.

The witch removed a secret panel from the wall and took out a magnificent golden quill. Handing it to Maz, she said, “Now, before you pay me, I have to bend way over this cauldron filled with corrosive green liquid, being careful not to fall in and melt into nothing.” She then walked over to the cauldron and bent over.

Seeing his chance, Maz kicked the witch’s butt, pushing her into the cauldron. She melted away instantly.

Suddenly, everything was quiet.

The monsters all dissapeared. The forest became green and lively once again. Whatever the witch had done to it had been erased. Once again, the Very Scary Forest of Bad Things was a place of life.

Maz jumped out a cookies-and-cream window. Weiila and Star followed him. Galloway and Val broke out of the nets and gave chase as well. Dante and Hayes climbed down from the rock formation. The rest of the heroes found their way out on their own.

Suddenly, a chopped appeared overhead. Magus climbed down a rope ladder. “Very well,” he said. “Now please proceed to the next quest.” With that, he climbed back up and flew off.

The next item was the “Fanwritten History”, which was supposed to be a scroll containing the first fanfiction words ever written. It was located in a place called “The Cave of Time and Space”. Mumbling, they all set off, with Maz holding onto the Golden Quill.

(to be continued)

If it’s a cave that affects our ages, then I should be set, since I’m aqbout 1000 years old. But of course, that would be too easy. -_-

So… is it still called the Very Scary Forest of Bad Things? Just a thought…

Great fic. And the first quest was completed, and there was much rejoicing.

Originally posted by Valkyrie Esker
If it’s a cave that affects our ages, then I should be set, since I’m aqbout 1000 years old. But of course, that would be too easy. -_-

You forget, Val. This is the cave of <b>Space and Time</b>. Just those alone can be conquered easily, but together, they could wipe out your 1000-year-old ass with nothing more than a butter knife.

Oh boy, why do I have the feeling we’ll all go thud! when we see the first fanfiction words ever written? :slight_smile:

Because they will be woefully unoriginal?

I wonder what the first fanfic evr written was…?

So Maz won the first round, congrats.

And this whole first fanfic thing, I have a funny feeling the words will be “Once apon a time…”. How original!!

I would put small amounts of money on the first fanfic ever being based around Star Wars. It’s just something that would set all this off…

Stage 4: The Cave of Space and Time

The trip to the next area was short, since the cave was about two feet from the forest. On the front was a sign that read:

“Welcome to the Cave of Space and Time. Inside is a bunch of stuff that you probably thought about the moment you heard the name, as well as a few surprises. Prepare, fools! While you were reading this, my Mr. T android was sent to kill you! -Kronos, the god of Space and Time”

Just then, a robotic voice said, “Prepare for your destruction, suckas!” Everyone looked up, and saw a robotic Mr. T coming at them. Since he blocked the entrance to the cave, they had no choice but to fight it.

They tried to damage it, but nothing even scratched the android. Not even the miniature nukes Dante had in his watch could damage the monster. The Mr. T android grabbed Galloway and threw him into Val, who was trying to attack from above. They flew straight into the top of the cave, then fell straight down and rolled inside.

Just as they did, a few rocks knocked loose from their impact began to fall. This was followed by a massive rockslide, which effectively blocked off the entrance to the cave. Eleven people were stuck outside, while two people were stuck inside.

(to be continued)