The King of Fanfiction: The Fanfic

Yeah, I’m this bored. And since Weiila and TD have to gather all the stuff from the LAST update, due to the damn server and their forgetfulness in getting backups, I can’t work on Naar Saga anymore. So…here goes.

The King of Fanfiction
By d_Galloway

Stage 1: The Castle of Fanfiction

Chancellor Magus and Lord Starstorm paced in front of the large door leading to Weiila’s private quarters. Star checked his watch. 10:30 exactly. How long does she sleep, anyway?

Finally, Magus had had enough. Grabbing his nearby scythe, he chopped the door into firewood. Lowly serfs grabbed the pieces and ran off as the two walked inside.

Weiila was still in bed, moaning and groaning. The two approached her carefully, with Magus being warey of what women are capable of when awakened and Star simply being cat-like. Finally, they nudged Weiila a bit. She woke up with a start, smacking Magus into a far wall and pushing Star into a dresser. Finally, she started to rise from the bed, but was obviously not in the best of conditions. Her face was flushed, her eyes were glazed-over, and her nose sounded stuffed. Finally, she just collapsed onto the ground.

Naturally, the entire castle went into a complete panic. Many were trampled trying to make the climb up to Weiila’s room. In fact, Tenchimaru Dracones himself crushed about half of them just for the hell of it. Weiila’s body was taken off to the doctor, while everyone awaited the news of what had happened to her.

Finally, they learned the terrible news: nearly a year of stress, caused by someone that’s name started with a “d”, had weakened Weiila’s immune system to the point where she couldn’t do anything anymore. She would be bedridden for a while.

“Shit!” said Star. “We have to tell King Mazrim right away!”

“Maz, sadly, is no longer king,” said TD. “He lost the title when he dissapeared for six months. It’s written in the fanfiction charter, article 90, section XXIV.”

“…you read that whole thing? Man, you have no life.”

“Shut up!” TD paced wildly. “We have to find her a king, and fast! Now what does the charter say about this again…”

They returned to the castle, with Star using his cat-like reflexes to keep up with TD at full gallop. They ran to the charter and found what they were looking for.

“In case of the injury or death of the current ruler of the Castle of Fanfiction, a contest must be held. Rare artifacts from the castle past have been hidden for just such an occassion. They must all be returned. The winner shall be named the King/Queen of Fanfiction.”

They quickly went to the phones to gather whoever was interested.

Galloway was back in the bunker, working on that potion of his, when he recieved the call. After learning that he could be king, he stuffed his poor victims into a big sack and teleported back immediately.

Ersatz was in a dark valley, writing about scary stuff and such, when he got the call. He jumped onto a souped-up mustang and rode off.

Archone was sleeping when the call came in. He left immediately, as well, although no one knows HOW he got there.

Val got the call, grabbed Gungnir, and left for the Castle. She may be a woman, but she could be King!

(Hey, it worked for QFGV, didn’t it?)

Kaiser was being worshipped in his fan club when a follower gave him the message. He quickly ran out the door and towards the castle.

Wil was eating a large pizza and playing a Breath of Fire game (may God have mercy on his soul) when the call came. He left his beloved home and went to the castle immediately.

Dante, Scott Baird, and Sephiroth Hayes were sleeping in the woods when a bear gave them the call. They left after hearing the message, but not before wondering how a bear got a phone in the first place.

Meanwhile, an evil shadowy force did an evil shadowy laugh, then accidently turned the lights on and blinded itself.

(to be continued…maybe)

Gallo, you’re starting to scare me :mwahaha: :hahaha;

But in a good way. Continue!

Can we like have a battle to the death? mroawr I may not be strong but you gotta hit me first!

Good start, and sounds promising, but what sort of challenge are we going to have to decide the new King?

I WOULD NOT RUN FROM A FRIKIN BEAR!!! I WOULD KICK IT’S ASS!!! I WOULD PULL ME PP7 AND KILL IT!!! Ok, one with the pointless rant. Pretty good.

Star: Yes, lets have a battle to the death! That’s something I might win!!!

<small>Psst, Dante… he never said you ran from the bear.</small>

And offhand, the last update is up. I’m going to work on the new one now, so you can stop chasing me for a while ^^;; And while you rejoice, take a look at the updates archive if you want. I got, ah… bored. Yeah.

Stage 2: The Challenge

The small troop gathered at the gates of the castle. The guards parted, allowing them access into the courtyard, where Chancellor Magus awaited them. TD and Star joined the ranks of the candidates. Just as Magus was about to begin, though, a man appeared, dressed in fine clothing. He closed the gates, then had his horse kick them open for dramatic effect. He rode right next to the nominees.

“I hear that lady Weiila is sick,” said the man. “I, Mazrim Taim, former King of Fanfiction, have decided to reclaim my crown and become her partner-in-crime yet again.” He dismounted his horse, which was carried off to the stables.

“Anyway,” said Magus, "as you all know, the devil bitch known as Weiila has become ill due to stress. She amazingly survived, but is still weak from the troubles this has brought upon her. Therefore, this contest shall be held. The winner shall become king.

"Many years ago, when the evil demon Shaheen Jim ruled the land, King Mazrim and Lord Mr. Saturn hid a multitude of artifacts and relics in the deepest reaches of the land. Now a time of peace has come, but these items must be recovered.

“A total of thirteen objects exist. A list shall be provided for you. Remember that none of you are together. This is an all-out race for the prize. Should you or anyone else be caught or killed, we will disavow any knowledge of your actions, and I will say really bad things about you at your funeral. Okay, dismissed!”

Everyone muttered about how stupid this was, then turned to leave for the quest.

Mazrim looked at his list. This would be easy, he thought. After all, he hid the stuff to begin with. Of course he’d know where to look for it…

Then he remembered. During the desperate final battle against Shaheen Jim, he had been hit in the head by a rock. He had forgotten where these were! That’s why he didn’t get them back to begin with!

Everyone read their lists. The first item listed was the “Golden Quill”, which was said to have been hidden somewhere in the Very Scary Forest of Bad Things. They quickly split up and headed towards the forest.

The doctor approached Weiila’s bed. She had awakened, and seemed to be getting better.

“Tell me,” she said, “is Galloway trying to kill TD for an update now?”

“No,” said the doctor, “they both left on a quest. You see, due to your stress, the contest for the King of Fanfiction has been held.”

The moment the words “King of Fanfiction” left the doctor’s lips, Weiila grabbed a syringe, filled it with anasthetic, and used it to knock the doctor out. She then threw on her robe and flew out the window and back towards the castle.

Magus noticed a leftover list on the ground. As he bent to pick it up, though, Weiila dove in, grabbed it, and flew off towards the Very Scary Forest of Bad Things.

She had sworn a long time ago that there would not be another King of Fanfiction. The power was hers.

Not even someone as nice as she would give it up for anyone!

(to be continued)

Damn, he knows too much about my secret subpersonality… uhm… knocks everyone out with anasthetic… except for Magus, who gets the hammer treatment despite tries to scream that Gallo made him say bad things

And here I thought it would be like KoF.

Good nonetheless, d-ster.

Oh, I can’t wait to see how it pans out.

still a little dizzy from the anasthetic Man that was one wierd dream!

SO who’s winning?

Stage 3: The Quest for the Golden Quill

Everyone arrived at different areas of the Very Scary Forest of Bad Things. They charged into the owl-infested, bat-infested, bear-infested, and things-that-defy-description-infested forest.

Everything seemed to either be dead or in a state of dying. Towering trees were bare and intimidating, bunching together to block out any and all traces of the sun. The small animals seemed to be mutant versions of their former selves; squirrels feasted on dead bodies, deer swallowed entire tree stumps, and bears grabbed birds out of the sky and tore them apart, then left their remains to rot. Nothing good could be said about this place.

Hayes carefully checked his trap. He was getting a bit hungry, and even the mutants in here were nicer than the man-eating plants that seemed to be everywhere. After baiting the trap, he sat in the shadows and waited.

Finally, something sprang the trap. He ran out to find what he had captured, only to see Dante hanging upside-down from the rope. Shrugging, Hayes turned and left, leaving Dante to cut himself down.

Val speared a deer, and was about to eat, when she heard a menacing growl from behind. She turned…and saw about eighty deer, their mouths covered in blood and filled with sharp fangs, charge forward. Screaming, Val grabbed her spear and ran deeper into the woods.

Finally, she collided head-on with Kaizer, who was busy running from an army of blood-thirsty porcupines. They ran off as the two montsrous creatures charged at them.

Galloway continued walking around, checking his list every now and then. He hardly noticed that he seemed to be passing the exact same rock formation every five seconds. Finally, it dawned on him: he was lost!

Setting down the sack, he pulled out his map of RPGC and took a good, long look at it. Strangely, there was no mention of this place at all. In fact, on the spot where it should have been was a place called the “Very Happy Forest of Good Things”. Obviously, this was some kind of stupid joke.

The sound from the sack returned him to conciousness. He picked it back up and headed in the opposite direction, only to slip and fall down a muddy track.

Weiila landed on a tree branch and carefully looked around. Nothing was around her at the moment. Then she heard a loud hoot behind her.

She turned…and saw a massive army of vampiric owls. They charged forward as she flew off for her life.

(to be continued)

Is RPGC like Unseen University or something?:hahaha;

“And everyone was lost, running, or in peril, and there was much rejoicing.”

We’re BETTER than UU, because we LIKE to kill stuff and make things go boom!

Ah, that actually explains a great deal. And explains a great deal of people.

Interesting, very interesting. Seems like no one is very close to finding that Golden Quill. But it is still early goings, as of yet.


“Dante takes out his special Wolfram PP7 and shoots the rope, and continues his quest, with a desire…for REVENGE!!!”

EDIT: Oh yeah, the story is pretty good so far,

The Quest for the Golden Quill. Any need for Minstrels?:hahaha; pulls out harp and plucks strings in what he hopes are vaguely musical ways twang twang twung