Silly D&D Situations

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#92

Sorc:Ok now that we found the exit the rest of you must go and check the rest of the cave for treasure when i’m out here doing my nails.

Fighter:Uhhhh ok!

Rogue:But sir we only have a fighter rogue and a Ranger we couldn’t possibly survive

Ranger:He has a point

Sorc:Yes but you rolled me for leader so you have to

1 hour later

Rogue: Ok sir we checked the four other passegeways. We used both potions and lost the Ranger.The only thing we found was a giant pile of gold which i forced the Fighter to carry who later died from poison shortly.What will we do now our party is totally diminished.

Sorc:Ok first we split the gold, I get half and you get half.

Rogue:Sounds fair.

Sorc:But now i must deduct for the potions and armour and gold lost with our fellow travelers in all you owe me…your full share of gold!

Rogue:Huh?

Sorc:Have a nice day thank you for shopping at sprawl mart!

#93

That’s a great old trick. The funniest part is when you glumly agree to it and then cast six delayed blast fireballs down the leader’s throat while he’s asleep.
…
In case you guys can’t tell, that is my wizar’d favourite spell.

#94

and i’ve never had a chance to play dnd it sucks noone i know can play but i’ve got the books and such

#95

Well, if one of HH’s campaigns falls through, I’ll be starting one, online, that you can join, if you can make weekly meetings.

#96

We’ll see ::dekar!::

#97

Elitist drow wizards… Those are the characters I like to make. but once my drow was in jail and she was unable to break out… I was very upset, so she made baskets out of the straw lining her floor and was very successful. I’m sure it did wonders for her huge ego.

#98

note this really happened and I am not making this up, all names are spelt to how I remember them

Awaken Horse one (Cloppity): Man I wish they would of left us food.
Awaken Horse two (Stone hammer): stop complaining, oh look, someones coming
Paul: *is surpised by the talking horses.
Stone hammer: yes traveler?
Paul: I am looking for a dwarf who wears the same kind of armor as me, a teifling, a human cleric and a human battlemage.
Cloppity: It will cost you five gold.

#99

I make elitist drow wizards too. Maybe our characters could pretend to fall in love for the purposes of brutally destroying the other to steal their power!

Lolth: Awwwww so cute!

#100

Storn: ALE
Daylan: Are you sure Ale is not a key word for poision
Storn: Damn it you, Ale is ale
Waiter: Pick your poision
Daylan: HA, I knew you were poisioning us

#101

Once to be funny i took out my 10-foot pole drenched the end with oil took some more oil threw it at some kobolds and light the 10-foot pole on fire and the kobolds were incinerated.Instantly.All that was left was ashes and once I discovered that there was a 2 barrels full of oil in the room everything just went BOOM!It was hilairious.

#102

I accidentally injured all of my comrades with a cone of ice spell or something. In my defense, I was new and wasn’t familiar with the spell.

#103

I was being a DM and my brother was annoying me so I made him kill all the types of golems and a dragon.A red one.He kills it so I let him open the treasure chest it was trapped and the grround opens up.Guess what.He makes the reflex save.Then he disabled my last trick.The room collapsing because it was activated by actually touching the treasure he notices it with a spot check and a disable device check then he got all the golem manuals,the Red Dragon Orb and a Deck of Many Things.His party?5th level Gargoyle fighter,Human 6th level sorceror,5th level half-dragon fighter and a 7th level Mind Flayer Wizard.

#104

This is from a modified D&D game in which we were all superheros.
So, Earth is being invaded by aliens, and we have just discovered their “base”. We infiltrate the space station and prepare for an attack…
Nothing happens. So we (all five of us) decide to split up and look for clues. Unfortunatly one of our party, named Sepiroth (original name, isn’t it?), found the control center and decided to push the buttons. I say unfortunatly because he is TERRIBLE with all forms of technology. Here is what happened:

  • Sepiroth: Hey guys, I found a computer!
  • Us: DON’T touch it!
  • Sepiroth: What’s the worst that could happen? presses buttons
    The space station self-destructed.
    We now remember that as the time we got our butts kicked by an empty space station.

Good times, good times.

#105

Imagine:

You are a cleric of St. Cuthbert, spreading word of his will across the land… but you have the worst luck. You are the protector of a Celestial Hound Archon, who the DM wants to kill (He hated the damage reduction). As the cleric, you’re supposed to heal him and keep him alive… throughout your adventures, to this end, you have died many, many times. Finally, at your seventh life, you die from intelligence drain(Seventh death, and a new way to die!), and turn into a zombie only to be killed by your allies (Eighth death, and yet another new way to die!). I proceeded to die three more times during that campaign. Nothing ever went favorably for me.

I ended it at level fourteen. Am I the only one who gives clerics such a terrible name?

#106

Okay, heres an alright one.

Me and two friends were doing a campaign in this Egyptian-like temple. Our team was a cleric, a mage, and a fighter. We walked into a room to find three mummy kings with laser eyes and bad-ass melee damage. The mage in our group sucked, and had used all his spells earlier in the campaign. He now used a bow which he was terrible with (-4 to hit), and the player was already notorious for terrible rolls, and only one out of five of his attack would hit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that player roll a twenty. So anyway, we started attacking the mummies and the mage rolls two 3s. I’m healing and the fighter is doing all the damage and the mage continues to not help at all. Finally, the player has to go to the bathroom, so I roll for him.

Six 20s in a row.

He decimated the mummies.

Finally after a turn of looting and celibrating, the player comes back from the bathroom and asks “What’d I miss?”

#107

So in essence, his need to piss saved all your asses…that’s hilarious XD

#108

Sorry about the double post, but I had a curiosity…I’ve never had the chance to learn or play D&D, so is there a particular site or anything that explains the game well? I’m really interested in learning to play.

#109

I don’t really know, my D&D experiace has been rather… informal. You can probably get some basic rules from the internet but much of this stuff is is hard cover books telling you all froms of rules. But if you’re intreserted and can find some people to play with you guys, have fun :hahaha;

#110

This happened with some friends of mine actually. We were crossing a dangerous pit of boiling mud that sporadically shoots up and could potentially knock anybody off to their doom. Fizzles, the annoying Halfling rogue who never dies no matter how hard the DM tries, starts across. He gets about halfway across but fails a roll for once, slipping and managing to make a reflex save to grab onto the ledge. Ashbank, the cleric with the worst luck in the world manages to roll and cross to the next platform and cheers that his luck is finally changed. The DM rolls the dice to see what happens next, and Ashbank is sent flying into the near molten mess below by a sudden geyser. His comment “Fizzles, you’ve done it again”.

Needless to say, we used a lot of wish spells on Ashbank that campaign…

#111

I once had a sword eaten by a rust monster.

I didn’t know what it was until after I hit it, OK? Damn, I felt stupid afterwards, because it seemed so obvious. I had seen it in the Monster Manual already and everything.

Btw, I remember a letter in Dragon magazine about a DM who made a dungeon containing explicitly all the dumb D&D monsters, like the Flump. And boy, are there a lot of those… :stuck_out_tongue: