Silly D&D Situations

RPGC Community Realm of the Dragons Forum
#88

Have I already posted about this one?

I was granted a wish. A one use of the last level spell in AD&D. I asked for a super power, one which no ordinary creature could ever mimicry.

And hence, I was the only dwarf in all the realms of the real world’s RP’ing systems who could suck a sugar cane while simultaneously whistling a tune with my lips.

On another occasion I had a wish granted again, I tried being poetic. “I want the power of a thunderstorm in my voice”. I imagined I could get some nifty word of command/power/whatever you call it with this flick, but instead I got a 500 decibels (like, twice the rating for an airplane landing by your side I think)… burp. Yeah, I could permanently and irreversibly deafen enemies - and allies alike - and pop small creatures’ heads with the burst of my burp.

Now picture in your head, a squirrel being hit by such a powerful sound wave and its eardrums and eyes popping off. I didn’t immediately know what power I had, for the wish spell caster disappeared without telling me, so the squirrel thing is the description the GM gave me when I went and tried against my first moving target. Well, it could be useful after some creative tactics were added. I used it to kill some enemies who were hiding underwater in a lake once. Pretty cool.

By the way, if I’m not mistaken, there’s an arcane spell that does that too…

#89

This is a story about a bad GM and me fuckin it up for him.
The situation: me (a chaotic good gnome sorcerer) and two other players come across a dwarven stronghold, we’re were asked to help fight an evil necromancer , they send a dwarf fighter with us, we battle our way to and through the evil wizards tower, only to find the evildoer teleporting away leaving us behind without a clue…
I imedeatly start scouring the wizards chamber for items and the GM must have felt he had to make up for the anti climax by making me find an incredibly powerful necklace, which I could cast a spell in, and I could then use to cast the same spell from the neclace as a free action, unlimited… the party was only lvl 5, so we were all like WTF! me happy and the other players crying not fair not fair!
The GM realized he had taken it too far so the dwarf told me the item belonged to the dwarves and it would be taken from me upon return to the stronghold.
That night, I snuck out leaving a glowing illusion letter floating in the air reading

Dear friends, be wise and think… let premature emotions sink.
Would it be wise, to follow my trail? Waste time and trace my tail?

You know when Looking inside me, nothing but good will find thee.
Better to look for evil in thy real enemy, and follow the wizard instead of me.

It pains me that I cannot remain, travel together and learn from thee
But thou shouldst not plan to steal from a friend, what he stole from the enemy

I carry no hate in my heart, and I hope neither does thee,
If I could decide, how it were, Ye would live in peace with me.

                                     -Gono Waterhill-

haha nobody was happy with that… but I was obsessed with non meta game thinking at the time and I felt that was what my character would have done. X)

oh and it was long ago and English is not my first language (explaining the crappy old english grammar in the letter)

#90

I had an echantment like that put on the staff of my favourite character. I may or may not have killed nine wizards due to the power of getting three ninth levels spells on it. I may or may not have killed the rest in making a +80 large greatsword to sell to a ridiculously rich frost giant chieftain to get myself a pair of iron colossus and lichify myself. I had Time Stop, Imprison and Mordenkainen’s Disjunction on the staff.

I also once used a Chain Lightning spell to kill an entire Aboleth city; it was underwater, and made of conductive metal, so the lightning just kept arcing through stuff, eventually killing the entire city.

Another funny story is, when very drunk, my character decided to cast buffer spell on the party. Now, since I’m a super elitist drow Wizard,nobody can tell I’m drunk off my ass. I accidentally cast delayed blast fireball, and so when nothing happens, I cast the spell again. However, since my drunk character’s memorized the wrong thing in his spellbook, I do this three more times, until the party Paladin, who I (being Nuetral Evil bordering on Chaotic) didn’t like, stepped forward and was literally completely destroyed. His bastard sword was okay, but his armour, even, was disintegrated. Our elven ranger and cleric also died, making me a happy little drow. Only the halfling rogue, (stupid improved evasion), Gnoll fighter, and I survived. We were all evil, so then we went on a killing spree until the other people had their character sheets done.

#91

Mwahahahahahahahaha!

#92

Sorc:Ok now that we found the exit the rest of you must go and check the rest of the cave for treasure when i’m out here doing my nails.

Fighter:Uhhhh ok!

Rogue:But sir we only have a fighter rogue and a Ranger we couldn’t possibly survive

Ranger:He has a point

Sorc:Yes but you rolled me for leader so you have to

1 hour later

Rogue: Ok sir we checked the four other passegeways. We used both potions and lost the Ranger.The only thing we found was a giant pile of gold which i forced the Fighter to carry who later died from poison shortly.What will we do now our party is totally diminished.

Sorc:Ok first we split the gold, I get half and you get half.

Rogue:Sounds fair.

Sorc:But now i must deduct for the potions and armour and gold lost with our fellow travelers in all you owe me…your full share of gold!

Rogue:Huh?

Sorc:Have a nice day thank you for shopping at sprawl mart!

#93

That’s a great old trick. The funniest part is when you glumly agree to it and then cast six delayed blast fireballs down the leader’s throat while he’s asleep.
…
In case you guys can’t tell, that is my wizar’d favourite spell.

#94

and i’ve never had a chance to play dnd it sucks noone i know can play but i’ve got the books and such

#95

Well, if one of HH’s campaigns falls through, I’ll be starting one, online, that you can join, if you can make weekly meetings.

#96

We’ll see ::dekar!::

#97

Elitist drow wizards… Those are the characters I like to make. but once my drow was in jail and she was unable to break out… I was very upset, so she made baskets out of the straw lining her floor and was very successful. I’m sure it did wonders for her huge ego.

#98

note this really happened and I am not making this up, all names are spelt to how I remember them

Awaken Horse one (Cloppity): Man I wish they would of left us food.
Awaken Horse two (Stone hammer): stop complaining, oh look, someones coming
Paul: *is surpised by the talking horses.
Stone hammer: yes traveler?
Paul: I am looking for a dwarf who wears the same kind of armor as me, a teifling, a human cleric and a human battlemage.
Cloppity: It will cost you five gold.

#99

I make elitist drow wizards too. Maybe our characters could pretend to fall in love for the purposes of brutally destroying the other to steal their power!

Lolth: Awwwww so cute!

#100

Storn: ALE
Daylan: Are you sure Ale is not a key word for poision
Storn: Damn it you, Ale is ale
Waiter: Pick your poision
Daylan: HA, I knew you were poisioning us

#101

Once to be funny i took out my 10-foot pole drenched the end with oil took some more oil threw it at some kobolds and light the 10-foot pole on fire and the kobolds were incinerated.Instantly.All that was left was ashes and once I discovered that there was a 2 barrels full of oil in the room everything just went BOOM!It was hilairious.

#102

I accidentally injured all of my comrades with a cone of ice spell or something. In my defense, I was new and wasn’t familiar with the spell.

#103

I was being a DM and my brother was annoying me so I made him kill all the types of golems and a dragon.A red one.He kills it so I let him open the treasure chest it was trapped and the grround opens up.Guess what.He makes the reflex save.Then he disabled my last trick.The room collapsing because it was activated by actually touching the treasure he notices it with a spot check and a disable device check then he got all the golem manuals,the Red Dragon Orb and a Deck of Many Things.His party?5th level Gargoyle fighter,Human 6th level sorceror,5th level half-dragon fighter and a 7th level Mind Flayer Wizard.

#104

This is from a modified D&D game in which we were all superheros.
So, Earth is being invaded by aliens, and we have just discovered their “base”. We infiltrate the space station and prepare for an attack…
Nothing happens. So we (all five of us) decide to split up and look for clues. Unfortunatly one of our party, named Sepiroth (original name, isn’t it?), found the control center and decided to push the buttons. I say unfortunatly because he is TERRIBLE with all forms of technology. Here is what happened:

  • Sepiroth: Hey guys, I found a computer!
  • Us: DON’T touch it!
  • Sepiroth: What’s the worst that could happen? presses buttons
    The space station self-destructed.
    We now remember that as the time we got our butts kicked by an empty space station.

Good times, good times.

#105

Imagine:

You are a cleric of St. Cuthbert, spreading word of his will across the land… but you have the worst luck. You are the protector of a Celestial Hound Archon, who the DM wants to kill (He hated the damage reduction). As the cleric, you’re supposed to heal him and keep him alive… throughout your adventures, to this end, you have died many, many times. Finally, at your seventh life, you die from intelligence drain(Seventh death, and a new way to die!), and turn into a zombie only to be killed by your allies (Eighth death, and yet another new way to die!). I proceeded to die three more times during that campaign. Nothing ever went favorably for me.

I ended it at level fourteen. Am I the only one who gives clerics such a terrible name?

#106

Okay, heres an alright one.

Me and two friends were doing a campaign in this Egyptian-like temple. Our team was a cleric, a mage, and a fighter. We walked into a room to find three mummy kings with laser eyes and bad-ass melee damage. The mage in our group sucked, and had used all his spells earlier in the campaign. He now used a bow which he was terrible with (-4 to hit), and the player was already notorious for terrible rolls, and only one out of five of his attack would hit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that player roll a twenty. So anyway, we started attacking the mummies and the mage rolls two 3s. I’m healing and the fighter is doing all the damage and the mage continues to not help at all. Finally, the player has to go to the bathroom, so I roll for him.

Six 20s in a row.

He decimated the mummies.

Finally after a turn of looting and celibrating, the player comes back from the bathroom and asks “What’d I miss?”

#107

So in essence, his need to piss saved all your asses…that’s hilarious XD