note this really happened and I am not making this up, all names are spelt to how I remember them
Awaken Horse one (Cloppity): Man I wish they would of left us food.
Awaken Horse two (Stone hammer): stop complaining, oh look, someones coming
Paul: *is surpised by the talking horses.
Stone hammer: yes traveler?
Paul: I am looking for a dwarf who wears the same kind of armor as me, a teifling, a human cleric and a human battlemage.
Cloppity: It will cost you five gold.
I make elitist drow wizards too. Maybe our characters could pretend to fall in love for the purposes of brutally destroying the other to steal their power!
Lolth: Awwwww so cute!
Storn: ALE
Daylan: Are you sure Ale is not a key word for poision
Storn: Damn it you, Ale is ale
Waiter: Pick your poision
Daylan: HA, I knew you were poisioning us
Once to be funny i took out my 10-foot pole drenched the end with oil took some more oil threw it at some kobolds and light the 10-foot pole on fire and the kobolds were incinerated.Instantly.All that was left was ashes and once I discovered that there was a 2 barrels full of oil in the room everything just went BOOM!It was hilairious.
I accidentally injured all of my comrades with a cone of ice spell or something. In my defense, I was new and wasn’t familiar with the spell.
I was being a DM and my brother was annoying me so I made him kill all the types of golems and a dragon.A red one.He kills it so I let him open the treasure chest it was trapped and the grround opens up.Guess what.He makes the reflex save.Then he disabled my last trick.The room collapsing because it was activated by actually touching the treasure he notices it with a spot check and a disable device check then he got all the golem manuals,the Red Dragon Orb and a Deck of Many Things.His party?5th level Gargoyle fighter,Human 6th level sorceror,5th level half-dragon fighter and a 7th level Mind Flayer Wizard.
This is from a modified D&D game in which we were all superheros.
So, Earth is being invaded by aliens, and we have just discovered their “base”. We infiltrate the space station and prepare for an attack…
Nothing happens. So we (all five of us) decide to split up and look for clues. Unfortunatly one of our party, named Sepiroth (original name, isn’t it?), found the control center and decided to push the buttons. I say unfortunatly because he is TERRIBLE with all forms of technology. Here is what happened:
Good times, good times.
Imagine:
You are a cleric of St. Cuthbert, spreading word of his will across the land… but you have the worst luck. You are the protector of a Celestial Hound Archon, who the DM wants to kill (He hated the damage reduction). As the cleric, you’re supposed to heal him and keep him alive… throughout your adventures, to this end, you have died many, many times. Finally, at your seventh life, you die from intelligence drain(Seventh death, and a new way to die!), and turn into a zombie only to be killed by your allies (Eighth death, and yet another new way to die!). I proceeded to die three more times during that campaign. Nothing ever went favorably for me.
I ended it at level fourteen. Am I the only one who gives clerics such a terrible name?
Okay, heres an alright one.
Me and two friends were doing a campaign in this Egyptian-like temple. Our team was a cleric, a mage, and a fighter. We walked into a room to find three mummy kings with laser eyes and bad-ass melee damage. The mage in our group sucked, and had used all his spells earlier in the campaign. He now used a bow which he was terrible with (-4 to hit), and the player was already notorious for terrible rolls, and only one out of five of his attack would hit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that player roll a twenty. So anyway, we started attacking the mummies and the mage rolls two 3s. I’m healing and the fighter is doing all the damage and the mage continues to not help at all. Finally, the player has to go to the bathroom, so I roll for him.
Six 20s in a row.
He decimated the mummies.
Finally after a turn of looting and celibrating, the player comes back from the bathroom and asks “What’d I miss?”
So in essence, his need to piss saved all your asses…that’s hilarious XD
Sorry about the double post, but I had a curiosity…I’ve never had the chance to learn or play D&D, so is there a particular site or anything that explains the game well? I’m really interested in learning to play.
I don’t really know, my D&D experiace has been rather… informal. You can probably get some basic rules from the internet but much of this stuff is is hard cover books telling you all froms of rules. But if you’re intreserted and can find some people to play with you guys, have fun :hahaha;
This happened with some friends of mine actually. We were crossing a dangerous pit of boiling mud that sporadically shoots up and could potentially knock anybody off to their doom. Fizzles, the annoying Halfling rogue who never dies no matter how hard the DM tries, starts across. He gets about halfway across but fails a roll for once, slipping and managing to make a reflex save to grab onto the ledge. Ashbank, the cleric with the worst luck in the world manages to roll and cross to the next platform and cheers that his luck is finally changed. The DM rolls the dice to see what happens next, and Ashbank is sent flying into the near molten mess below by a sudden geyser. His comment “Fizzles, you’ve done it again”.
Needless to say, we used a lot of wish spells on Ashbank that campaign…
I once had a sword eaten by a rust monster.
I didn’t know what it was until after I hit it, OK? Damn, I felt stupid afterwards, because it seemed so obvious. I had seen it in the Monster Manual already and everything.
Btw, I remember a letter in Dragon magazine about a DM who made a dungeon containing explicitly all the dumb D&D monsters, like the Flump. And boy, are there a lot of those… 
We were playing the lichway, and theres a long corridor which had 164 sleeping skeletons sleeping in theese alchoves either side. So, what do we do? One of the characters randomly decided to run down the corridor, holding out his hands and slapping all the skeletons. He succeeded in waking 99% of them up.
On the first game me and my friends ever played, the first thing we fought was Grab Grass. On a boat. We all got killed. Defeated by grass… No one landed a single hit.
Another time; we were in a dungeon. There was a door at the end of the corridor. The characters spent about an hour debating how to open the door - I still don’t understand why. But anyway, it ended up with the thief at the front, right next to the door to the right, the fighter in the middle, in the centre of the doorway. The magic-user was right at the back, at the opposite end of the corridor, to the left. They decided to -specifically - kick down the door with their left foot, take five steps back, and see what happens. The chamber was freakin empty.
Same here. I even bought a DM Screen, a character sheet folder, the Complete Adventurer, and dozens of campaigns and character sheets off the web :bowser:
Also if we start a DnD thread could I use my level 18 Half-Dragon Mind Flayer Wizard?
My ranger had to dig through Octyugh shit in order to get one of four hidden relics that proves that he’s royalty. He almost died, since it was deep in there. Really deep.
I have a few good ones - We were in a party of level ones, on our first dungeon. I was a sorcerer, we had another wizard, two fighters and a rouge. We entered a room full of goblins. Before i could do anything, some dire weasels we didn’t see had latched themselves onto our fighter, and he was immoblized for 4 turns trying to get them off with str checks, each failing miserable. He bled to death from weasels. Our other fighter was doing alright until i died. The warleader killed me, then cut off my head and put it on a stick, encouraging the other goblins. He looted my corpse and found my wand of levitation, which he then used to slam a dire boar into our remaining fighter, who spent the rest of the fight struggling to get off all the weasels and such the goblin warchief was piling on him. Meanwhile, our rouge was cornered and eaten alive by a dire boar or somesuch - and our wizard’s sleep spells were all failing. Our fighter finally managed to get the boar off and then he and the wizard made a run for it. They made it away from the goblins in no time… However, up ahead was a crossbow trpa we had succesfully made it through earlier. Our fighter made it through with no problem but the wizard got pumped full of enough bolts to kill an ogre. The fighter made it out of the dungeon, but everyone else was dead. Sucks, huh?
Although before that, we accidentally made it into the pig stockroom… And everyone was almost by the time we got out. We got totally and completely destroyed by say… 3 pigs. The townsfolk laughed at us when we got back, and it took everything we had to keep our fighter from chopping their heads off.
So… Fun times, eh?
I have a couple that seem rather tame compared to the spankings and, ahem rapings that had taken place at the begining of the thread.
This isn’t really a moment, but my friend made an Eladrin Wizard who, like the rest of his party, was an evil git. He had a Fez and Stick-on-Moustache (because Eladrin can’t grow facial hair) and he became evil at a fairly early age. Apparently, it was due to his magnificent Magic Show being beaten in his town’s talent contest by the fat, ugly kid playing the town song with his armpits.
However, I guess I can go for the Paladin within an evil party gag. I was a Half-Elf Male Paladin of Pelor, and me, an Eladrin Rogue, the previously mentioned Wizard (he had given up evil by this point, and had torn off his moustache (which was a hilarious moment in itself)) and a Dragonborn Fighter who liked to eat everything and anything that didn’t immediately fight back. Anyway, at the begining of this dungeon we were in, I was confronted by a spirit. She gave me a bracer that would return to me if I thought of it. this conversation was in private, which is the reason why this next bit happens.
Being a half elf meant that our Rogue had 2 hours to steal the bracer while I slept. By the time I noticed that it was gone, the bracer incinerated the rogue’s backpack and everything in it. The rogue was always evil. he was always good at bluff checks, too.
Sorry for double posting, but this just has to be said:
On sunday, we were running a session where the group were teenagers baby sitting three gnome children and their adopted brother Thonk, a Goliath. They run off into the woods and we go find them. In the process of finding thonk, we uncover a secret passage way. Within this passage way, we are blocked by three animated balistas (homunculi) who usually argue about stuff.
The GM had planned for all possibilities… except this one.
Elf-Ranger: hey guys, how long have you been down here for?
balistas: don’t know, can’t remember, it’s been a while
Elf-Ranger: and you’ve been guarding this place the whole time?
balista: yep. The master says so
Elf-Ranger: do you get days off? Vacation?
balista: what’s a vacation?
Elf-Ranger: woah, woah, woah. Have you brought this up with your union?
balista: what’s a union?
Elf-ranger: we need to talk…
We then convinced the balistas to form a union and then go on strike, allowing us to pass through with ease. Our adventuring company was then known only as: The Unionists
the following night…
We had a session where a different group adventured into an Arcane Tower. The group: Minotaur fighter, Gnoll Avenger, Shifter Druid, Eladrin Wizard, Human Warlock, and the leader of the group, Kobold Warlord. The group decends down an elavator into a room populated by 3 skeletons. At one point during the fight, the Kobold runs under table slides past a skeleton and attempts to grab the undead’s legs and yank them from under it.
make a thievery check to grab the legs: crit 20
make a strength check to pull the legs out from the weight of the rest of the skeleton: crit 20
make a save to avoid the skeleton landing on top of you: 19
it was an epic moment, especially since the kobold wanted to make the country ‘Koboldia’ and the Eladrin was chronicling the history, how the country was established and such.