short stories by me

When I was nine and ten at school I wrote this what do you think.

I was chopping up firewood, which my dad threw at me. Suddenly I was in hell it was just as I imagined it rocky and dry like with a circle of fire around it with giant bees and wasps their nests in the many nettles. There was also a boy trapped in the nettles wrapped around him, I pulled him out .
“Thank you my name is Yim.” Said the boy. I noticed he was in rags.
“Don’t mention it,” I said, but he was gone.
Then boulders and flying trees came I jumped on a boulder but a flying tree was heading straight at me but Yim flew on a giant wasp and saved me. “one good turn deserves another,” said Yim.
“how did you disappear?” I asked.
“Because I’m Hades ruler of hell,” said Hades, “and I’m going to kill you.”
His hair turned to fire his arms as hard as rock as kind as nettles he could fly like a bee and sting like a wasp now more than ever I felt the dryness and the heat of the desert he attacked with hate. My strength was draining from me. Hades started trying to suck me up I knew it was strong as it picked up a boulder buried in the ground and it was after me I felt it in my hair. My grip was loosening. My legs were in the air. I was holding on with one hand. I lost one finger and another and another I lost my thumb I was holding on with one finger. It came off. It was flying to his mouth I could feel his lips.
“you shall die,” said Hades.

“sorry I threw wood at your head” said dad, “you were out cold.”

Sorry that’s all I had time for.


No, I think he rather means that he wrote it about two years ago and shows it now.

Hmm, it has the same problem as your fanfics, Kyle; grammar, lack of detail and plot moving too fast. But remember, you can always get better and for that you need to keep working and revising.

Uhm… Now I’m confused.

Well… to be blunt, it made no sense and the grammar, spelling, punctuation, formatting, story, and transitions are awful. Work some more.

  • throws firewood at Cless’s head *

It sounds to me like you’re writing about your dreams. Fast moving action, things happening with no explanation, and altogether weirdness

Erm…I sort of get it, but your story doesn’t make any sense. This and everything else you’ve written needs work.

Are you even listening to what we have to say?

…i don’t get it… and i’m not entirely sure i -want- to get it…
weird little kids… :fungah: