Second Sun: First Dawn teaser.

Title pending, of course. I’m thinking of making this a trilogy, but oh well.

First, I need some criticism on this. Compare the old Second Sun to it. I also want to know if I should return Wesley’s (Now Andrew) parts to first person. I somehow feel more comfortable writing from that perspective, but if it’s better…

But feel free to tell me what you think.

Here’s the link to it, it’s an .rtf file: Rewrite

I don’t see anything.

Uhm oops. Editing now.

Just had a read of this rewrite, after actually getting it into a readable format. But yeah I like it, the third person perspective seems to work a lot better.

There are a few errors here and there, but njothing that shouldn’t ‘come out with the wash’, if you know what I mean. But personally, I don’t like the opening prologue, it is just rather odd. That sort of thing might work on the tv, but in writing it just doesn’t have the same appeal.

I know I’m an MIS major and should know this, but how did you get the story into a “readable format” HS? I opened it in word and it only has one or two letters per line.

Same here.

On the subject on first- or third-person, write it whichever way you feel most comfortable. Though for the context of this story, I think it might work better if Wes…er, Andrew’s parts were first-person.

Guh. Must have been the formatting I did in Wordpad. It did that with Word and Abiword too, and it annoys me. Think you’ll have to alter the margins. Sowwy.

Saving the file, opening it in Word and then changing it to “Web Format” works.

EDIT: Definately looks good so far.

Looks very promising, SS.

I especially like how you added interpersonal touches between the characters, and you seem to gave them more depth as well.

I look forward to more.

To get it readable, I copied and pasted it as an unformatted piece of text, on to a new document.

Anyway, keep working on this Star. This story is going to be a work of art, I just know it.