RPGDude's Stories

What’s happening, all of y’all? RPGDude’s the name. I’m gonna produce some stories for your viewing pleasure. They feature these characters.

Adelbert Steiner
Donald Duck

Stay Tuned.

Man, anything that has Donald Duck in it has got to be good! Of course, you’ll be severely judged now based on your writing skills, but no pressure ^^

hmm… sounds like a Kingdom Hearts fic, eh? Good. I need a good fic to read. I hope to see it soon and welcome aboard!:wave:

Steiners not in Kingdom Hearts.

So, it can be a crossover. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Nice to meet you all. And I know Steiner’s not in KH, but OH WELL. He IS a Squaresoft character after all.


Title - Meet the Crew

Announcer - Ladies & gentlemen. Introducing the cast of characters. From Final Fantasy 7, the hero with the freakishly huge sword; CLOUD!

Cloud - (looks at his sword) IT’S TRUE! GOOD LORD, IT’S TRUE!

Announcer - And his beautiful gal; AERITH!

Aerith - Thank you! I love you all.

Sephiroth - Wait a minute. I thought I killed you!

Announcer - Pipe down, pretty boy! You’re not on yet! And the conceited ninja girl; YUFFIE! That’s right, I said it. YUFFIE IS CONCEITED! (Of course, you all knew that)

Yuffie - You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.

Announcer - And the evil psycho SEPHIROTH; the only Final Fantasy character who was voiced by a boy band member. Namely; Lance Bass.

Sephiroth - Lance Bass and I are nothing alike!

Announcer - Sez you, Lance.

Sephiroth - THAT’S NOT MY NAME!

Announcer - Whatever you say, Mr. Bass.


Announcer - Yes, it does. And from Final Fantasy 8. He needs no introduction. (pauses)

Squall - Well?

Announcer - Well what?

Squall - Aren’t you going to say my name?

Announcer - You told me you needed no introduction. So, NO INTRODUCTION.

Squall - Why me?

Announcer - And his buddy; ZELL!

Zell - Yo.

Squall - That’s it? All you have to say is “Yo”?

Zell - Pretty much.

Announcer - And from Final Fantasy 9. The hero who has the tail of a monkey; ZIDANE!

Zidane - I have a tail?

Announcer - Yeah. Haven’t you noticed?

Zidane - Not really.

Announcer - And the disgruntled knight, ADELBERT STEINER!

Steiner - This armor is too tight! It’s giving me a wedgie rash!

Zidane - Hey there, Rusty.

Steiner - Shut up, Monkey Boy! I’m going to bed!

Announcer - And from Kingdom Hearts. The hero who dresses like Pinocchio; SORA!

Sora - I do not dress like Pinocchio!

Announcer - Don’t lie to me now. Your nose might grow. And his rival from the show 7th Heaven; RIKU!

Riku - I’m not on that show. My voice actor was, but I’m not.

Announcer - And the fowl with a very bad temper; DONALD DUCK!

Donald - WHAT? I don’t have a temper! (Loses his temper) BWAAAK!

Announcer - Then, what do you call THAT?

Donald - That does it! (casts Graviga on Narrator)

Announcer - (in pain) OW! OKAY! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER!

Zidane - That’s what you get for messing with Donald Duck.

Announcer - And finally, the creatures who have appeared in all of those games; THE MOOGLES!

Moogles - (they all chant “Kupo” repeatedly)

Announcer - Now you know the cast of losers.

Cloud - That does it! MOOGLES ATTACK!

(Moogles attack Announcer)

Sora - And now, a song!

(Everyone sings “We Will Rock You” by Queen)

(Monstro falls from the sky and squashes everybody)

Monstro - I’ve got to cut down on the Ho-Ho’s.


Don’t worry. They’re all okay (except for the Announcer). Not even Monstro can bring them down.

They’ll all be back soon (except for the Announcer)

That was actually rather… well, not good, really. There was no real plot, it wasn’t too well-written, and it left me feeling slightly dumber than I did going in.

To be honest, there are a lot of flaws in that:

  • It was rather disorganized

  • The characters don’t sound anything like themselves (a bit OOC is fine, but what you did kind of pushes over the limit)

  • It’s hard to understand

  • …I really hope my I.Q. didn’t just go down from reading that

Do you plan to change it more like a story? I could understand the type of setting it had, but I’m a little clueless. Of crouse, you’ll have to wait to hear Misstress Weiila’s advise. She knows more than me. Of crouse, I’m her student. Well, almost :slight_smile:

I knew that was coming. :frowning: There WAS a plot. You just missed it. The plot was the introduction of the characters, and it shows what big jerks some announcers can be.

I know Valkyrie doesn’t always mean to be a bitch, even to us newcomers, but I do take offense easily! So, if you no one has anything positive to say about my writing, then please keep those not-so-positive opinions to yourselves. And no, I don’t care if you’re just being honest.

That’s all. Thanx.

I didn’t mean any offense new one. pats RPGDudes back There, there. Maybe you could’ve put it differently. examples: Describe the scene; tell us whats happening and where is it at; a.k.a the setting. Maybe, also, you could put into a poem like struture (read the Dairy of Anne Frank) take this for an example:

(Sora enters the arena (I’m gussing its an arean) waving his arms about. He has a murderous look on his face as he apporaches the announcer)

Sora: I do not dress like Pinocchico! (still approaching the announcer hand on the hilt of the Keyblade)

Please don’t take this offenseively. I don’t mean to be mean…:frowning: I’m just giving a little advise before people bite your head off… and mine. :slight_smile:

Just, take a look and think about what you could do that won’t confuse the readers. I’ll PM you so you can understand what I mean, Kay? :kissy:

I apologize, I wasn’t attempting to be mean. I just tend to be blunt about things i see wrong with writing. And believe me, I tell it a lot better than most would here. Although, I do apologize for the “dumbing down” remark.

make sure you look in your PM. Kay? Now, don’t take anything seroius young one. people only try to help out, kay?

For starters, if you take offense easily, you aren’t going to survive on this forum. :stuck_out_tongue:

Even if our opinions may sound slightly cruel, it’s because your writing skill COULD use improving. It doesn’t mean we’re being jerks to you. If you’re not going to take criticism, there’s no point in writing stories.

Oh, well, if you were looking for only compliments and no real constructive criticism, then you should have said so in your first post.

Not that I can think of any. :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

Oh for fucks sake.

It’s called constructive criticisim, you just got some of it. You’re going to get it for the rest of your life, and you’re going to have to learn not to take offense to it, otherwise, you’re going to be living in one big spiraling wave of shit for the rest of your life, and you aren’t going to like it because you don’t seem to be able to take constructive criticisim.

Your story was chaotic, made no sense, had no plot, no character development, and most of all lacked any sort of structure.

Now, how exactly do you correct all these things? Easily.

First off, ditch the shittastic script style format. It doesn’t do anything for anybody - in fact, I believe it makes most stories suck. You have got no room for any sort of development. All you’ve got is one line after another of dialogue, and maybe a nice little paragraph explaining just what exactly went on.

Next, go into depth. Don’t go massivly into it, otherwise you’ll bore us all to tears - instead, be descriptive and explain things in a concise, quick to the point method.

Lastly, add some flare to your characters, make them different. Make each one of them interesting, and try to induce a feeling into the reader from actions the characters do.

Yeah, I’m with Sorc on that one. Stories in movie script form don’t really convey the fire of the story or the emotions of the characters to the readers very well.

It might seem harshly expressed, RPGDude, but you mustn’t take it as a personal attack. Actually, we’re just trying to help you become a better writer. We’re NOT bashing you, but attempting to show you the flaws of the story so far so that you can become a better writer.

First of all, how I choose to handle constructive critisism is my business. I don’t just deal with it easily and/or “learn to” just like that. So, don’t give me any of that “Oh for fuck’s sake!” BS! If you’ve got a problem with what I just said, PM me about it.

Second of all, Script-Form is how I write this stuff. Paragraph-Form is good, but not my style of writing. So, GET USED TO IT! I’ll add a plot description next time, but that’s it.

And as for Valkyrie - Fortunately for you, I’m a forgiving person. So, apology accepted. :wink:

And if you’re all going to help, don’t be too harsh about. My signature is a message to you all.