RPGClassics Rat Race!

Ok, time to get Lun’s attention. :p.

I’d like to join… but I’m sure you dont me…

I’m offended that you never even considered me. I mean, I put all of these mortals to shame in terms of greed and sheer destruction! I’ll double, triple, even QUADRUPLE cross in my quest for first place! And then do it with your girlfriend. And boyfriend. At the same time.

Fine MMX2K, join. Lunaris hasn’t replied. You sure you want in?

THis just in: First staffer to join is in. :P.

Hey! count me in…please :o

Your in SS. Now, I’ll start on the chapters.

sigh

Just keeping this alive. Listen up: The fic is going to be a whole one chpater. A very long chapter. Thanks.

Here’s chapter one!


[RPGClassics Rat Race!] Notices: By Dante Fury. Also, each RPGC staffer is based on a character from the move.

Zero: based Nick Shaffer
Weiila: based on Tracy Fuascett
Orakio: based on Duane Cody
d Galloway: based on Randy Pear
Cless Alvein: based on Enrico Pollini
Crotanks: based on Blaine Cody
Merlin: based on Owen Templeton
SquallStrife: based on Donald Sinclair

One day, at one of largest casinos in the world, owned by Donald Sinclair, there were going to be six lucky people. Let’s find out how it happens.

Zero was in line to check out, wanting to get back to RPGC.

“Next!”

Zero stepped up.

“Hi. I’m checking out.” Zero said.

“How was your luck?” The Hotel person said.

“Huh?” Zero asked. “Oh, I didn’t gamble. I was here for my friend’s bachelor party.”

“Ok…” The Hotel person wait until the bill was printed out, and then handed it to Zero.

Zero skimmed over it and found something.

“Excuse me, what is this hundred and fifty dollars?” Zero handed the paper back.

“Those are your in-room movies sir.” The Hotel person said.

“What?” Zero looked confused. “No, I didn’t order any movies.”

“Afro-Whores.” The Hotel person said.

“Afro-Whores?” Zero put more seriousness in his voice. “No, I didn’t watch Afro-Whores.”

“Says here you watched it…” The Hotel person entered something on her computer. “Eleven times.”

“What!?” Zero exclaimed.

“Yes sir.”

Then, we see Merlin sitting at the bar. He looks at the waiter with a womanly haircut.

“Excuse me, Ms.?” Merlin said, trying to get her attention.

The woman turns around and turns out to be a man.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Merlin apologized. “I…thought you were a woman.”

“I am a women.” After the woman says this, Merlin looks shocked. “Say, don’t I know you from somewhere?”

“Yeah.” The person sitting next to him turned to look at his face. “You do look familiar.”

“Oh, ah.” Merlin thought. “Yeah, I get that all the time.”

Then, on the TV, it shows the forum news.

“Well, the loser of the week here is no question.” The announcer said. “Merlin made the worst forum call in history.”

They turn to look at Merlin. He’s not there.

Then, we see Orakio and Crotanks by the stairs, talking. Orakio sneaks, and puts a glass on the floor by the stairs. Orakio speaks.

“Ok, see that glass?” Orakio asked Crotanks. Crotanks nodded. “Ok, I want you to walk over there and slip on the glass.” Crotanks thinks.

“I ood ake I eck.” Crotanks said.

“I know you can break your neck.” Orakio said. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

A pause.

“Let me see your tongue.” Crotanks opens his mouth and Orakio inspects. Crotanks has a pierced tongue, and around it is very purple.

“Ow’s it ook?” Crotanks asked. Orakio paused.

“Fine, just fine.” Orakio said. “Ok, you’re on Candid Camera, make it look good.”

Just as Crotanks was about to go, some old lady slips on the glass, and they hear her falling down the stairs. Pause.

“Damn it.” Orakio and Crotanks walk away.

After this, we see d Galloway enter his room with his family.

“Here we are!” He said, putting down his luggage. “Well, you guys get settled down, I’m going to go, you know, look around.”

“Oh no.” His wife said. “You ARE NOT gambling. We came here to see David Copperfield!”

“No, I’m just going to…” d takes out a big wad of cash. “…to the gift shop, yeah.”

Then, we see Orakio with one of those ‘Help save the homeless’ jars; putting their coins into the slot machines, while Crotanks follows behind, pulling the levers. Then, at one of them…

“E un!” Crotanks said, and Orakio came over. A quarter and a gold coin came out. Orakio looked at the gold coin.

“’A winner is you, please turn in to main desk for prize’” Orakio read it.

We see Merlin sit down at a slot machine, turning away from the other people in hopes of not being recognized. He pulls it and wins a gold coin.

We see d Galloway rush over to a slot machine, puts the coin in and wins a gold coin and a quarter.

As Zero was about leave the Casino, he stopped. He turned around and decided to gamble. He pulls, and a gold coin is won.

Now, Merlin, Orakio and Crotanks, and d Galloway where now in a room. It was a very beautiful room, nicely done. Plus there was free food. Then, a man rushed in.

“Am I too late?” He said in a weird, foreign voice. “Oh! Look at this room! It is beautiful! Have you seen this room?”

“Yes!” d Galloway said, annoyed. “We’re IN IT!”

“Ah yes.” The man said. “I am Cless Alvein. Now, I know what you are thinking. ‘Cless is a girl’s name!’”

“No I wasn’t.” Merlin said.

“No pun intended.” Cless said.

“What pun is that?” Merlin asked.

Then, none other than the famous SquallStrife comes in.

“Hello gentlemen.” He said. “Ok, I’ll cut right to the chase. Listen carefully. There is a meteor the size of Rosie O’ Donnel’s ass head straight toward us. But, I have built a bunker in the basement big enough for six people. All of you and myself. After the meteor hits, it will be up to us to rebuild and repopulate the Earth.”

Everybody looks scared. Not of the meteor, but the fact that their all guys.

LONG pause.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!” SquallStrife BURST OUT LAUGHING! “OH JUST LOOK AT YOUR FACES AHAHAHA!”

“Ha!” Cless said. “He made a joke!”

Just then, Zero enters.

“Ah, Zero! We were just cutting to the chase!” SquallStrife said. “Sit down sir.”

“No, I’ll stand.” Zero said.

“Ok. Anyway, listen closely.” SquallStrife said. “As you know, we are in L.A., CA. Now, in New Mexico there is a small town called Silver Spring. In that town is a train station, in that train station are some lockers.”

Then, a man comes out and passes out keys.

“Those are keys to locker 001. In locker 001 there is a key card, and right next to lockers is an ATM machine, put the key card in the ATM machine, it will open up revealing a red duffle bag. In that duffle bag is Five. Billion. Dollars.” SquallStrife said. “First one there. Keeps it.”

All gasp.

“Are you ready? GO!” SquallStrife said. No one moves.

“What are the rules?” Orakio asked.

“There is only one rule. Are you ready”? SquallStrife asked. “THERE ARE NO RULES! GO!”

“So when you say go you mean…” Galloway started to say.

“Ah, begin, commence, start moving, you have been racing for about thirty seconds now, and Zero is winning because HE IS CLOSEST TO THE DOOR! GO!”

No one moves.

SquallStrife takes out a gun and shoots it at the ceiling. Everyone scrambles out.

At the elevator…

“It’s got to be a scam.” Zero said.

“Yeah.” d Galloway said.

“Wait.” Merlin said. “So you’re not going for it.”

All just shake their heads no. Except for Cless, who was running in circles.

“Well, my room is just a floor down, I’ll take the stairs.” Galloway starts down the stairs. A couple seconds later…

“You know, It’s probably stuck.” Merlin said. “I think I’ll take the stairs too.” He walks down. Then, EVERYBODY DASHES DOWN THE STAIRS SCREAMING!

End of chapter one! Weiila, your character doesn’t appear until next time. Just so you know. ~Dante Fury

Nice work Dante.

Great job! I now have the urge to gamble away my life savings, thus cursing myself to a life of drug and alcohol abuse until I mercifully die in a gutter someplace, a bitter and broken shell of a man. And it’s all thanks to one slot machine!

Not bad. It kinds seems like everything that’s happening though has happened in the movie. So anybody who has seen the movie probably knows how this is going to end. I hope you think of creative stuff yourself instead of copying from the movie. :slight_smile:

Well of course the begining is the same. Now, it’s gonna change. Except maybe Hitler’s Car and the cow on the blimp.