I’m putting this up for my coursework so it’s worth about 10% of my final exam mark, and I was wondering if I could have some opinions on my first couple of paragraphs.
Bite the Bullet:
The Jack Stone Story
Author’s Notes: Okay, this does contain what I like to call Bullet Wound violence, and also a level of profanity equal to that of which I believe is a realistic level for an over-stressed police department. I do realise that this may lose me marks, but I’ll be damned if I mutilate my characters in the name of point scoring, however I personally feel that a realistic level of profanity strengthens a story, note the operative word being realistic, I don’t use characters that use curse every second word, I use characters that use profanity in situations where an average human would swear. I mean come on, there’s a sick killer on the loose, he murders your wife, what are you likely to say when you discover her corpse? I know what I’d say and I’m pretty sure it isn’t for the ears of Timmy the timid ten year old.
I awoke to the usual Saturday morning throbbing in his temples. I reached around and tried to get up, hearing the phone ring. I couldn’t get up, my head hurt too much.
“Hey Bill! Bill ya lazy bum! Get the phone!” I yelled at my young assistant, but Bill thankfully for him, was out cold, spared from my scalding.
The phone stopped ringing, and at that moment I knew he was screwed.
J.C Denton was not a nice man. In fact he was an evil man, unless of course you held out a check with at least four zero’s; then he was your best friend. But when you walk into work three hours late, he is most certainly not your friend. And from the moment I walked into work I knew he was not a happy bunny.
“STONE! YOU SEE THAT CLOCK? HUH? YOU SEE IT? IT SAYS TWELVE THIRTY! WORK STARTS AT NINE!” I begin to mumble an apology, but it was silenced.
And this is how the officially worst day of my life began. I had pissed off the chief, not a good start anyway but I had a damn hangover too. Of course this is not where it ended….as if it actually ever did end there.
“Stone, we got a new murderer in town; wise-guy thinks he can pull shit like this.”
He handed me a photo of a corpse, and not your average one at that, it was almost unrecognisable from that of a human being, it was mutilated, I could even swear there I could see through the body’s chest.
“Holy shit. Chief we got any leads?” J.C was a well-informed guy, so I did expect something.
“Nothing, this guy is new, nobody knows anything at all about him, that’s what scares me, usually my guys always have something, but this guy… this guy, he’s a mystery.”
I examined the photo once more, it was a chilling sight, something you do not want to see when you have a hangover, or at all in fact.
“Let me guess Chief, you want me on the case?” J.C smiled that annoying know-it-all smile, the one he always uses just to piss me off,
“Of course, you’re a lazy asshole Jack, but you’re the best damn detective we have, so I want you and that boy of yours to get moving, first up get your ass down to the coroner, I have a friend who says he might have some info for you.”