Sorry man, I dont critique stuff like this well. I honestly can’t see anything you should change. Except for typos.
I will say this is alot better than the original version. You’re painting a much more descriptive picture this time.
Probably this was done in purpose, or maybe I just misunderstood Peldurol’s feelings (I’m reading in another language, damn), but i percieved a Personality change in Peldurol, that didn’t make sense for me.
Let’s say: In the Prologue, Peldurol is described as a “Pacifist” (“He refused to kill anything, whether it be flora or fauna, for food or goods. He was a model pacifist.”), but in Chapter 2, He seems to get a perverse pleasure from Humans’s Suffering.
Also, I noticed a Slight Change in Peldurol’s vocabulary between chapters, (It’s probably just me, though)
Again, In Chapter one, Peldurol seemed to be very calm when talking, ("'Stop. Both of you, please. I will think about it some more. Just… stop"), and in Chapter 2, he looks more violent in his speaking ways (And a little more laconic too) (“That means I’ve been here for damn near seven hundred years.”) (“Yeah, I am”)
Also, I noticed Peldurol starts using “Yeah” only in Chapter 2, he used “Yes” in Chapter 1 =P
Excellent Storyline, By the way =P
Kor, PM 
SD, gonna go back and fix those. I rarely look at notepad when typing 