You don’t know the story of the Ice queen? Shame on you. I rewrote this fairy tale rpgc- style, and yes, I intentionally didn’t post this in the media forum. If you’ve read this, you’ll know why. Trust me.
<center><b>Zero, the <strike>shiny</strike>Ice <strike>queen</strike>King</b></center>
Once upon a time, there was a mirror. But it wasn’t just any mirror, no! It was made by the ev0llest of all wizards… Merlin, t3h d3v0l himself. The mirror turned all good thoughts of a person into bad thoughts, and and all good intentions into ev0l intentions when you looked into it. T3h d3v0l was very content with his work, but one day, it wasn’t enough anymore for him and he said to himself: “Hah! I will take the mirror to heaven and hold it in front of all angels and even god himself!” And so, he took the mirror and rushed up into the sky. But he wasn’t out of hell for a minute as a huge piano came out of nowhere and crushed him back to hell. The mirror shattered into hundred million pieces and fell to earth, and the shards spread throughout the world. Whoever got a shard into his eye saw the world as a terrible place, and when you got a piece into your heart it was very, very bad.
Now, there was a very, very big town called Arpeegeeseesia. In this town, there lived many many wizards and dragons and all creatures you can just imagine. But especially the dragons took away a lot of space from the town, and people had to live very cramped. They didn’t even have enough space to have gardens.
In this town, there lived a happy little girl called Dragonessa with her grandmother Esker in a small house. Her pet, Tenchi, a talking pony, was too big to live in their house, so it lived in the opposite house and always stood on the balkony so they could see each other every day. Because they were lacking a garden too, Esker planted many roses between the houses, and Nessa and Tenchi played together every day (or at least, Tenchi ate the roses and Nessa watched) and they were very happy. But the day in spring the mirror shattered, something very bad happened.
“Ow! Something poked me in the eye! And now, in the heart!” Tenchi squirmed. “Are you alright?” Nessa was worried and pet Tenchi’s mane. “I think it’s gone now…” But it wasn’t gone. He got two shards of the evil mirror right into his eye and heart. Nessa still looked worried. “Let me have a look, maybe–”“Back off! Don’t touch me!” Tenchi snorted at poor Nessa and then started to insult her for no reason. Nessa started to cry. “Why are you crying? Stop crying, right now! You look almost as terrible as these roses when you’re crying!” And with that, he jumped into the roses and stomped them into the earth.
The seasons passed, and it became winter. Nobody could explain what happened to Nessa’s pet, but Tenchi still didn’t change in the slightest. He didn’t even play with Nessa anymore, instead, this winter, he always went out with the other ponies to play in the snow. They played games and always ran after other people and bit them.
Nessa just sat at the window and looked at the snowflakes while grandma Esker told her stories. But Esker noticed that Nessa barely payed attention and said: “Do you like snowflakes? Those are the white bees. They also have a <strike>queen</strike>king. They call him the Ice King.” Suddenly, a big snowflake fell down right in front of Nessa’s nose. And it grew. And it grew…and grew… and suddenly, the Snowflake became a man, just made of (literally) shiny, blinking ice. He smiled and waved at Nessa. But just when she wanted to touch him, he was gone.
“Hey, look at that guy!” Tenchi shouted and pointed to a strange looking figure who wore a long coat. “You’re not biting him without being turned into a pile of ashes”, his friend said and looked doubtfully at the person. “Hah, wanna bet?” In an incredible speed Tenchi ran towards the guy and… stopped. His eyes grew by several inches when he saw the long, shiny, hair of this weird figure and so, he slowly stepped towards the person. “Can’t… resist…urge…have to…touch…” “Want to see this hair for longer? ^.~” And of course he wanted. Hypnotized by that shiny hair, Tenchi followed the guy. His friends screamed and shouted, but he just tapped after the man, for hours and hours, out of the town, away from the land, and suddenly, the person lifted him up into the air and brought him to his palace on the north pole, because the person had been none other than Zero, the Ice King. And when Tenchi finally got to tough the shiny hair, he forgot everyone and everything he once knew. Arpeegeeseesia. The roses. Even poor Nessa.
Nessa was very worried when Tenchi didn’t return. “Tenchi is dead!” She said. “No, I don’t think so”, the sun replied. “He IS dead!” Nessa insisted. “Nah, we don’t think so”, the wind and the clouds replied.
And so Nessa waited. And waited.
The winter passed, and spring came over the land. But Tenchi still didn’t return. And the people began to say that he had drowned in the river. Nessa walked to the river and spoke to him: “Is it true what people say? That you took my pet, I mean? I will give you my new hair ribbon, if you give me back my Tenchi.” And with those words, she threw her ribbon into the water, took her small boat and followed the ribbon.
But the river became more and more furious the longer her journey took. Soon, Nessa couldn’t control the boat anymore. She was incredibly hungry, and her strength failed on her. “I have to rescue Tenchi!”, she thought. “I can’t fail no-- aaah!” But it was too late. Her small boat crashed into a rock and Nessa fainted.
“Ah, I see you’re awake!” Nessa looked around and then faced the fine young man who was standing in front of her. He was wearing a long coat and held a long staff covered with flower engravings in his hand.“Where… where am I? Who are you?” Oh, they call me Kaiser. I’m the keeper of the garden of eternal spring. Eden, one of my gardeners fished you out of the great river, you almost drowned." “Garden of eternal spring?” Nessa looked confused. Where had she landed? Kaiser led her into a small room and gave her to eat and to drink. “Now, I told you where -you- are. Care to tell me where you come from?” And Nessa told her whole strory. She told her about everything- her town, her grandmother, Tenchi, the snow, the roses, her search, everything that was on her mind. And for the first time in years she felt satisfied again. Kaiser nodded and listened without interrupting her. When she finished eating, Kaiser pointed to a door. “Care to see the garden now?? Just go through there”, he smiled. Nessa looked at him. Garden of eternal spring? Well, it looked like you could trust him. Slowly she pushed her chair aside and opened the door. In front of her was the most beautiful garden she had ever seen. Flowers in all shapes and colors grew here, fantastic birds sat on incredibly high trees, a giant butterfly sat on her shoulder, then flew away again. Nessa just stood there like frozen and watched the beautiful picture for several minutes. One of the gardeners smiled at her. “Hey Nessa, it’s me, Eden! Care to dance? ^.~” Why, of course she did! Nessa ran into the garden and started to dance. She forgot her mission, and just sang. All her worries had been carried away. Kaiser stood in the door and smiled. Then he took his staff and banished all roses from the garden because he feared that when Nessa would see the roses she would remember her mission and leave him- and he didnt want that to happen.
Times passed, and Nessa lived in the garden happily. But one day, she had explored all areas of the garden and became bored. So she walked back into the house to ask Kaiser to play a game with her. “Kaiser? Are you here? Hey, Kaiser?” She opened the door, but soon discovered that nobody was home except for Eden who was busy polishing his nails. She grumbled. “I’m sure he’s at the springs again. It’s always the same when you search for him.” Nessa looked a little and found his cloak and staff and examined them curiously realizing she had never really payed attention to them. She looked closer at the pretty flower engravings at the staff and saw a rose. And suddenly it struck her. Roses. Tenchi. The river. What had she been doing? Quickly she searched for pen and paper, wrote a letter to Kaiser thanking him, took the cloak and left the garden through the back gate. In the meantime, it had became winter already, which of course she hadn’t noticed in the garden of eternal spring. But thanks to the cloak, she felt warm and fuzzy. It shielded her from the cold snow and ice, not from hunger and exhaustion though and soon her feet hurt from all the walking and she had to sit down.
“Ow, watch it! Get off me! Owowow, you’re hurting me! Get off, I said get OFF!” Nessa jumped up. “Just WHAT are you? o_o;” “Well, can’t you see that? Silly girl. Good day to you. I’m a sandwich. And you?” “A… talking sandwich? Oh, I’m sorry, my name is Dragonessa.” The sandwich nodded. “Finally a polite person! How long I’ve waited to meet one. What are you doing out here, my child? In this freezing cold?”
Nessa didn’t feel like steeling the whole stroy again, it was freezing cold and her whole body hurt, but out of politeness she told it anyway, and the sandwich listened. “mmm”, it said.
“Maybe I can help you out. Have you ever heard of princess Weiila?” “Princess Weiila?” Nessa looked interested, and the Sandwich made a triumphing face. (Well, bun, anyway.) “Yes, princess Weiila. She is the most intelligent princess in this world, because she has read all <strike> fanfic submissions</strike>newspapers that exist in this world. “Oh! Maybe she can help me to find Tenchi!” Nessa was all excited. “Sshhht! Listen to me!” The Sandwich looked at her angrily, and Nessa quickly shushed. “Well, she is the most intelligent person on this world. But she was very lonely. So she decided to have a pet. But although she was very intelligent she didn’t know any jokes at all and was very bored. Besides, she loved to collect really, really awful pictures. So she spread through the land that which pet would manage to shock her with the ugliest pic she’d ever seen, she would let it live together with her in her castle. The people came from all countries. They brought the most shocking pics you could ever imagine! But there was one mage who had the most awful pictures in the whole land. Whoever saw his pictures would get his eyes burned out of his skull and be a mental wreck for the rest of his life.”
The sandwich shuddered and took a small break. Nessa couldn’t wait for him to tell the rest of the story. “He showed the picture to all contestants so he would be the only one left to marry the princess. But the princess never wanted to marry, she just wanted to have a pet. When she heard that this evil mage killed all contestants with his awful pictures, she was deeply shocked. BUT!” The sandwich jumped up and fell down the stone he was resting on. Nessa lifted him up again.
“Thank you, my child. But, there was a very brave pet! And he also had very, very ugly pictures! Bad ones, too! One says, he had a huge collection of pictures of naked women!” “That’s Tenchi!”, Nessa gasped. “It could just be him! He was soooo brave, and he had such a huge collection of bad pictures. He scared everyone in Arpeegeeseesia!” “Tsh, let me speak!” The sandwich grumbled.
“So, there was this brave pet. He decided to kill the evil mage and rescue the princess. And that’s what he did. He protected hiself with a giant pair of magical dark sunglasses so he couldn’t see the pictures of the mage. But he still saw enough and ripped out his guts. And he finally became the pet of the thankful princess.”
“That must have been Tenchi!” Nessa felt new strength flowing through her body. Finally, a clue where Tenchi could be! “Please Mr. sandwich, bring me to princess’ Weiila’s castle. I’d do anything for you!”
“Anything?” The sandwich smirked dirtily. “Well you know, I COULD use some-- HEY!” But before he could answer, Nessa already stuffed him into her bag. Thank you! ^^”
Their journey took several weeks, but finally, they arrived at the castle of the princess and the smart Nessa slipped into the castle through the back door.
She took a torch from the wall and went up hundreds of steps to the bedroom of the princess and her pet. “There are two beds”, the sandwich whispered. “In the white one, the princess sleeps. Her pet is in the one which is as red as blood.” Nessa tiptoed into the bedroom and found two beds shaped like giant lilys. Slowly she walked up to the red one, lifted up one of the big petals and looked into the lily, shining with her torch. Yes, there was a pet lying in the bed. But it wasn’t Tenchi. It was a giant tiger, sleeping peacefully.
Nessa desperately started to cry. All this effort, for nothing. Her tears flowed freely, and even the sandwich was quiet for once and his salad leaves hung sadly out of his buns.
From the noise, princess Weiila and her pet woke up. “Gyarrr! Who dares to enter the castle without permission?”, the tiger immediately growled at her. “But spazzy, can’t you see the poor girl is sad?” Weiila smiled and held Nessa tightly. “Shhhh, don’t cry. What’s the matter? Oh, you look so exhausted. Come, sit on my bed.” And for the third time, Nessa told her story, and it seemed to get longer every time. Weiila nodded. “I see”, she said. And for this night, Nessa slept in the bed of the princess (her sandwich slept in the bag 8P), while Weiila slept in the red bed together with her pet (not in THAT way you sickos. or maybe yes, we dont know.)
The next day, Nessa was sent home by the princess. Weiila and spazzy told Nessa that she probably wouldn’t find Tenchi anyway and her grandmother was probably sick of sorrow already, and Nessa agreed. Weiila gave her preety dresses and shiny jewellery (Nessa didn’t complain) and lots of food, including the sandwich, for her long journey back. Nessa sat into a golden carriage and waved for a long time. Then she leaned back and looked out of the window in the forest.
“You know”, the sandwich said after a while. "Maybe it’s better like this. From what you told me, he didn’t treat you right anyways. “You don’t know him,” Nessa defended. “He’s always been nice to me. I don’t know what happened to him recently.” The sandwich rolled his ham insultedly. “Pff. I’d make a much better pet anyway.” Just when Nessa wanted to reply, she heard people yelling and shouting outside, and the carriage stopped roughly. “That’s a robbery! Hand us everything you have, or you’ll be sorry!” Quickly Nessa stuffed the and her jewellerry into a bag and looked outside. A man with a hugeass sword dragged her out of the carriage. “OW!” Nessa fell on the floor. “There there, let’s have a look at what uncle Sin found here”, the man grinned. Nessa looked up and Sin grinned even more. “Well, hello there my pretty.” “SINISTRAL!” A very angry young lady rushed by. “Back off, right now” “Yes, my queen”, Sin grumbled quietly and disappeared in the back of the forest. “I heard that!” Then, the lady spoke to the other bandits. “I want to have her pretty dress. And her necklace! AND I want to drive in the golden carriage with her!”
Surprisingly, all of the thieves obeyed without complaining. The girl sat next to Nessa into the carriage and they went to the headquarters. On the way, the girl was curious to hear Nessa’s story. “My name is Astral, by the way. Are you a princess? And if so, why did you take the dangerous route through the forest? That was foolish of you.” “I’m not a princess”, Nessa replied. Silence. Astral looked at her and seemed to expect an answer. But Nessa didn’t feel very talkative now. After all, she was being kidnapped.
Astral made an angry face, but she didn’t say anything. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk about it. Maybe later you’ll change your mind. We arrived, by the way.” Then she jumped out of the cab and looked at Nessa. “Hey, want to see my collection of stolen things?” Nessa didn’t want to reject Astral’s second attempt to make friends too and followed her through the robber’s headquarters. At a shed- looking building she stopped. “That’s my small palace”, she smiled and opened the door. Then she waved Nessa in and pointed to a wall with many shelves and things on them. “Here, look. Those are my treasures. Of course we also have gold and jewellery, but these things are more entertaining”, she explained. “Look.” She took a small white thing down from a shelf. “I found this in the forest. Doesn’t it look weird? It looks like a piece that broke off a piano. Or here.” She took a candycane down from a shelf. “I stole this from a small blue wizard who once ran through the forest. Isn’t it weird? Why would a blue mage carry a candycane?” She laughed. “Pff. Why shouldn’t he?” Astral immediately stopped laughing. “Quiet you, or I’ll stuff you back into the dryer! Never mind him, it’s just a talking hat. Sin found him in the forest once. We never even gave him a name, everyone just calls him ClothHat.” “Tuh! At least I am not the one living with a guy whose sword is bigger than himself!” “Quiet you!” Astral threw a rock at CH. “That’s not even possible! Biological, I mean. God, this Hat really never stops talking. I already consider giving him away.” CH glared at Astral, but he didn’t say anything. Astral turned back at Nessa. “Well, better an annoying pet than none at all, what do you think?” Nessa frowned.“What’s the matter?” Astral looked worried as Nessa sighed. The sandwich jumped out of her bag. “She lost her pet”, it said. And it told the story for Nessa so she didn’t have to tell it for the fourth time. “Hmmmmm.” Astral opened the door again. “SSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!” Trees shaking, birds falling from their branches, Sin dropped his sword and rushed over to Astral. “You called?”“Do you know something about the Ice King?” “The… Ice King?” Sin shrugged. “I don’t but the old Saladin might.” “Oh perfect. Not the Saladin.” Astral rolled her eye. “The Saladin? Who is that?”
“The Saladin once was a noble Paladin, until an evil mage turned him into a giant penguin. Since then, he kinda lost his senses. We adopted him. Unfortunately, he’s a little… you know. It’s not easy talking to him. Shalcar, our cleric, is the only one who still understands him.”
And so, Nessa talked to Shalcar and explained the situation to him. “Hmm.” He rubbed his nose. “Well, it won’t be easy to translate THAT, but I’ll try my best.” He yanked a leash and a purple penguin with green dots appeared. “Hey Saladin”, Shalcar said. “My dog swallowed a sponge once. It was funny.” “Right right,”, Saladin replied and listened. “I like to ping. It makes my head spin”, Shalcar continued. Sal looked thoughtful for a moment. “Bring me a young priest and an old priest. I can’t stand rolling chairs.” Shalcar smiled. “Wonderful!”, he said to Nessa. “He says he knows where the Ice King lives. His winter castle is at the North Pole, but he can’t bring you there. The farthest he can go is Finland, that’s where the summercastle is. He says he was born over there, so he knows the way.”“Wonderful!” Astral looked happy. “Tell him to bring Nessa to the summer castle.” And so it happened. After a short conversation about Dwarf balloons, his brick needing a doctor and a monkey sponge with small hands everything was set. Nessa had doubts in the safety of her new journey, but for Tenchi she would do anything. And so, she sat on the back of the penguin, took her sandwich and some more things Astral and Sin gave her to eat into her bag and she wrapped herself up in Kaiser’s cloak and wore her new Hat. Astral finally decided to get rid of him.
Off to Finland! In a speed nobody would have thought Saladin would be able to run, Nessa, the sandwich, the penguin and the talking hat headed north (wow, I just realized how weird that sounds o_O;).
Anyways. Again, time passed. But then, they arrived at a small house at the border of Finland, where a Finnish artist drew his pictures in dimmered light. When Nessa asked him about the Ice King, he replied: “Hmmm, I’m sorry. But as far as I know, you have to go far into Finland from here, 100 miles at least where my sister lives. Wait, I’ll write a letter for you on a dry fish. I need all my paper to draw on.” After warming her hands on the fire, Nessa took the fish and continued her journey to the north. The stars showed her the way.
It took a while to find the house. But Nessa finally recognized it through all the snow and knocked at the door. The opener, a young lady, dragged the weird party into her house and sat them in front of a warm fire. Only the sandwich sat a little farther away when his butter started melting. “My name is Jing”, the lady introduced herself. “I’m the sister of princess Weiila. This is where she lived before she moved into the palace. I chose to stay here because I love the silence.” She read the letter on the fish three times, then she knew it by heart, and threw it into a pot to make a soup. She never wasted anything. “You’re smart”, ClothHat said. “Can’t you make a potion for Nessa so she can defeat the evil Ice King?” “The Ice King isn’t evil”, Jing replied. “The poison lies in Tenchi’s heart. It’s a shard of the ev0l mirror t3h d3v0l himself created to spread jealously on this world. Nessa’s weapon lies in her heart, in her kindness and purity. Those are her strongest weapons. If she couldn’t rescue her pet, who could?”
Then she spoke to the penguin. “I ate eleven yellow chairs yesterday. The clock ran away.” The penguin nodded. “I love buttons too. But cups never seem to listen.” Then she translated for the others: “Two miles from here, the garden of the Snow King starts. That’s where he wil take you.” The sandwich smiled. “Just as intelligent as her sister”, he said. Jing blushed.
With that, she lifted Nessa up onto the penguin- and it ran as fast as it could, until they reached the garden of the Ice King. That’s when Saladin said his goodbye, or at least they recognized it as such, and ran back, disappearing in the snow.
And there, poor Nessa was standing, in the middle of the freezing cold. She hid the sandwich and the hat in her cloak so they wouldn’t freeze and stepped into the cold garden.
And suddenly, the snow started to change. The flakes didn’t just fall from the sky. They seemed to RUN down to earth, and they grew and grew. Some had the forms of ugly masks, some of weird- loooking pigs. All of them shined in a brilliant white, and glared at Nessa with cold eyes. Those were the guards of Zero, the Snow King. Nessa kneeled down in the cold and hugged the sandwich and the hat (who for once didnt complain to be hugged :P) and took their promise that they would stay together no matter what happened. Even her breath turned into snow when she gasped into the storm: “No matter…what will happen…Tenchi, I’m coming for you. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.” And with that, a small light appeared in her hand. But it grew. Slowly, but it grew. And it shined over the whole garden. And wherever it met one of the awful guardians of the Snow King, they burst into onehundred pieces and disappeared, so Nessa arrived safely in the castle.
It was made of pure Ice. The walls, the ceiling, everything was made of hard, shiny, blinking ice and decorated with snow. It had so many rooms that Nessa’s head started to spin and she kept walking into one direction not to lose her way in this labyrinth. None of the three spoke a word. Even the Hat was quiet for once at the sight of this huge imperium. The sandwich couldn’t talk even if he wanted to because his salad leaves had frozen together. The whole castle was empty. The Snow King had travelled into faraway lands to spread the winter there.
Then finally, in the biggest of all the rooms, Nessa found Tenchi. The poor pony was all blue from the cold- but he didn’t notice it. He could have been dead, and he wouldn’t have noticed. His heart was just a piece of ice.
Nessa recognized Tenchi and <strike> ran to him and hugged</strike>glomped him. But Tenchi didn’t show any reactions. Nessa sighed and gave him a bite of the sandwich (which protested, but it was useless anyway) and looked at Tenchi once more. The sandwich contained so much chili that Tenchi started to cry and the shard in his eye flowed out. But the shard in his heart remained. So she kissed him on the nose and it brought warmth to him, melt the ice in his heart, dissolved the shard and everyone was so happy that ClothHat had to puke (the sandwich complained again, but once again, it was useless).
And so, Nessa rode out of her palace with the sandwich and ClothHat in her backpack and returned to Arpeegeeseesia, seeing all her friends on the way. And blahblah blah, you know the rest. Everyone was happy, everybody married everybody and if they didn’t die then Shalcar still tries to understand Saladin and Sinistral’s sword is still too big.