Forever
I look into your eyes,
I see the fear,
I see the hate,
I see the pain,
It happens,
So fast,
So brutal,
That it scars me,
Scars me,
Forever…
Forever…
I know, it sucks.
Yup
Just too much repitend with minor adjustments.
I repeat what I wrote in response to Manus’ most recent poem:
Why did you write this as poetry and not as prose? I do not perceive any poetic device in what you have written. If a poem does not have any poetic device, then how is it poetry and not prose made to look like poetry?
Forgive my retarded ignorance but what is Prose? (please try to remember that while intelligent I AM 14)
Prose is non-poetry, writing which is not in verse. You and I are writing in prose at this very moment.
Sir Percival, does it really matter what HE calls it? Whether it is poetry, or prose, does not matter, it is still HIS work.
Anyway Seph, it was not that bad, but it does need work. Keep at it though, that i the only way you’ll get better.
People write this sorta stuff in a poetry form because it’s harder to put into prose. Putting something like that into prose would require sentence structure, and for something short and to the point such as this, prose would be unncessesary.
Doesn’t really do much, like make an impact on the reader…
Originally posted by Heaven’s Soldier
He can call whatever he wants, but I hold my opinion.
Originally posted by Sorcerer
People write this sorta stuff in a poetry form because it’s harder to put into prose. Putting something like that into prose would require sentence structure, and for something short and to the point such as this, prose would be unncessesary.
I can accept that it is easier, but I disagree with your second point. Prose can certainly be effectively short and to the point. Maxims, axioms, apophthegms, epigraphs and short journal entries are sheer proof of that.
In any case, this work does have potential as a dramatic monologue, but it needs to be expanded (I recommend Sorc’s advice) and should include some poetic device.