(From WoWInsider)
Northrend, Star Date 4 8 15 16 23 42
PETA to attack the Horde
PETA is well known for its animal activism and is taking its campaign to Azeroth. After Warchief Thrall and Supreme Northrend Commander Grommash Hellscream refused to take away the vital commerce that the hunting and skinning of Nothrend animals brings to the Horde and its allies, the Tuskar and Taunka, PETA has decided to declare open war on the Horde using its Alliance fringe elements. They will be attacking any Horde trying to eke out a living from the needed meat and fur of the seals, despite protests from Horde leadership.
Chieftain Ashtotem of the Howling Fjord Taunka has been quoted as saying, “The seal population provides a needed source of food for the Taunka people, as well as their skins (providing clothing, shelter and armor for defense against the elements and scourge), as well as trade materials for much-needed weapons. We are puzzled by PETA’s action in this matter.” Chief Ashtotem has gone on to state that the Taunka have always “strived to find balance in their hunts” and are willing to negotiate with PETA to prevent permanent damage to the seal population.
Elder Atuik has also gone on the record supporting Chief Ashtotem, stating that, “Both the Kalu’ak and the Bulls-that-hunt-the-land-and-sea seek only to have harmonious balance with the elements. We also work hard with the green-skins-who-yell-loudly and the pale-skins-who-stick-their-noses-in-other-peoples’-business to ensure that no lasting harm will come to the great creatures of our lands. We would welcome the people of PETA to our councils, if only they would listen to reason.”
However, Arch Druid Lathorius of D.E.H.T.A. has responded to these claims, stating that “The slaughter of these innocent animals is our most pressing concern. The Horde and its allies should be careful lest they follow in the path of the Great Desecrator, Hemet Nesingwary.”
King Varian Wrynn could not be reached for comment; however, his chin has released a statement that “The peoples of Azeroth should be banding together to fight off greater threats such as the Blue Dragonflight and the armies of the Lich King, not worrying about sea – Wait, you said it involved killing Horde? Of course, this atrocious action must be stopped! To arms, brothers! SLAY THEM ALL! FOR THE SEALS!”
Thrall, Warchief of the Horde, was also preoccupied. However, his right-hand Troll Vol’jin, when asked, responded, “I think I smoked a babeh seal once, mon.”
Commander Hellscream, when asked about the seals, threw an angst-filled fit of rage about the state of the Horde and the weaklings surrounding him. He was then put to bed by High Overlord Saurfang, who stated that it was far past Grommash’s bedtime, where Hellscream was seen holding a small doll and crying about the “Greatmother dying.” High Overlord Saurfang commented that “The Horde reserves the right to cleave anything it wishes” and that “The only reason baby seals still exist is that I haven’t cleaved them yet.”
When asked about their thoughts on this matter, baby seals were very cute and cuddly, until they were eaten by an orca along with the PETA members at the protest. The PETA members were observed desperately trying to kill off the orca population, citing that they were “not cute enough to live.”
