Since this was such a long story I had to slice it up. Sorry. Here are the second parts, the ones you;ll find Yoda in.
Author’s notes, okay this is part three of the bloopers stories I have written for Final Fantasy X-2. This chapter is going to deal with both Chapters three and Four of the game. I hope you enjoy it, and remember to post, so I know how I can create the best story I can for ya all. Note, along with Part four of these bloopers, this is going to be shorter than the previous two.
CHAPTER THREE
Third group of Bloopers – Trouble in the Temples Scene
Yuna’s group boards the Celsius. In the Bridge, an alarm can be heard.
Buddy: Trouble, and I mean big time! Fiends are pouring out of the temples!
Rikku: Which ones?
Brother: Only all of them! It’s a freakin’ state of emergency! What should we do?
Yuna looks puzzled.
Brother: Is it Gullwing time?
Shinra: Now exactly sphere hunter work.
Buddy: True. But seeing Yuna out there could calm people down.
Paine: They’ll expect her to do the dirty work.
Rikku: Yeah, but Yunie wants to help. Don’t you?
Everyone looks down.
Rikku: Hey, I got an idea! We can be “Your Friendly Neighborhood Gullwings”!
All the sudden, Stan Lee and Spider-Man appear from no where. Stan Lee reaches into his trench coat and pulls out some papers.
Stan Lee: My lawyers have asked me to deliver this to you, as fast as I could.
Buddy: Um, what is it?
Shinra looks at the paper and back at the group.
Shinra: It’s a lawsuit, for using the words Friendly Neighborhood, so and so. We’re being sued for fifty thousand dollars.
Director (O.S.): Could anything else go wrong? He steps off his chair, and pulls a string from a piano, and then tries to hang himself with it. Spiderman quickly shots a web, and stops him from doing so.
Yuna: So what if we pay you thirty percent royalties to use those words?
Stan Lee: Make it thirty for each word, and you have a deal.
Yuna: Twenty-five.
Stan Lee: Twenty-seven.
Paine: Twenty-Six and I don’t gut insect boy over here.
Paine is standing behind Spider-Man, holding her blade close to his neck, his spider sense failing in this world.
Stan Lee (sighing): Fine.
They sign the paperwork, and Spiderman and Stan Lee leave.
Scene finished in two takes.
* ~ * ~ *
Yuna and Company view sphere after trying to cheer up LeBlanc scene.
Logos: Whatever this Vegnagun thing is, it’s clearly dangerous. Nothing the likes of we sphere hunters have any business fooling around with. But if the boss knew Nooj were involved, well, there’d be no stopping her. If anything were to happen to her…
Rikku: You guys got it rough, don’t you?
Logos: If only she noticed.
Yuna’s group received Logos’ and Ormi’s Spheres. Yuna searches and saw another sphere.
Yuna: Is this one from Bevelle, too?
Rikku: Ooh, been taking naughty pictures again?
Logos: I didn’t shoot this one. I found it.
Yuna views the sphere. In the recording…
A gray haired man in a red sweater walked through a brown wooden door. He turns to the camera and smiles.
Man: Hello, won’t you be my neighbor?
Rikku grabs her head and runs out of the room screaming at the top of her lungs.
Director (O.S.): CUT!!!
Same scene, take two
Rikku: Ooh, been taking naughty pictures again?
Logos: I didn’t shoot this one. I found it.
Yuna views the sphere. In the recording…
A dork of a man, wearing light gray suit, red tie, and short brown hair, sits on a chair with eyes, a mouth, and moving arm rests. The set around him is like a club house, but is extremely corny. He wiggles and giggles as the chair tickles him playfully.
Yuna (completely in shock): Pee-Wee’s Play House?
Paine: This show won numerous Emmy’s for children’s programming?
Rikku (giggling): I don’t know, it’s kind of cute, don’t you think?
Pee Wee Herman: Chairy, she said cute! That’s the secret word of the day!
Everyone on the set of Play House screams and the camera focuses on many extreme close ups.
Paine: And now I see why he was arresting at the theater.
Yuna (nodding): It makes so much sense now.
Same scene, take three.
Yuna views the sphere. In the recording…
A young woman in seventies hairstyle looks through a magnifying glass.
Woman: And I see Laura, and Peach, and Daisy, and Rikku, and . . .,
Rikku (totally excited): Ooh, ooh! She’s seen me! I’ve waited forever for her to see me!
Rikku turns and looks at shocked and embarrassed faces.
Paine: Just how old are you anyway?
Rikku: What so I watched Romper Room when I was really little, who cares?
Yuna: And here I thought I was the older cousin.
Crew laughs at Yuna.
Same Scene, take four.
Yuna views the sphere. In the recording…
And elderly man with a Ceasar type hair cut and a red varsity jacket appears on the screen.
Director (O.S.): Now we have Captain Kangaroo? When is this insanity going to EEEEENNNNNNNDDDDDDDD???
Same scene, take five.
Yuna views the sphere. In the recording. . .
A naked, hairy, bald man wearing a shower cap, and scrubbing his back in his bath tube appears. The man turns to look at the camera and his eyes goes wide as he tries to over himself up with the shower curtains.
Naked, hairy, bald man: AHHHHH-A, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAA!!!
King Triton (laughing nervously, O.S.): Oops, whoopsie.
King Triton swoops in and takes the sphere from Yuna.
King Triton: Sorry, my bad, this was a gag reel from my show.
High squeaky voice (O.S.): From whose show, trainee?
King Triton (tired and despairing): From yours oh mighty over lord.
King Triton slinks off stage and into the shadows.
Paine looks to the camera and shakes her head.
Paine: If we don’t get this scene right in the next couple of takes, I’m going to have to cut my eyes out and force feed them to my damn agent.
Scene finished in seven takes.
* ~ * ~ *
Yuna and company talk about the holes in the temples scene.
Yuna’s group exits the temple and the blue flames in the orbs turned
back to normal. After that, Yuna’s group boards the Celsius. In the
Bridge…
Rikku: Mmm… I don’t get it!
Shinra: Fortunately, I know everything.
Rikku: So why were fiends coming out of the temples?
Shinra: The fiends didn’t come from the temples. They came from the
Chambers of the Fayth.
Rikku: Right, exactly! But why?
Shinra pauses a moment.
Shinra: I’m just a kid.
Paine: The holes in the Chambers of the Fayth-were they there before?
Yuna: No.
Rikku: So the holes must be new, right?
Paine: There was one in Bevelle, too. A great hole…
Rikku: But that one was made by Vegnagun, wasn’t it?
Yuna: That’s true, but they’re connected somehow.
Brother: The holes…are connected?
Yuna: Yes, but it’s more than just that. Somehow I think there are
deeper connections.
Brother: Ohhh… That is deep, Yuna.
Viktor E. Frankl existential therapist from the nineteen forties walks forward and nods his head.
Victor Frankl (Austrian accent): Yes, deep, but does it say why we’re all here in the first place?
Brother: Oh, that’s deep too!
Buddy: What the, (grabs Frankl by the collar), get out of here will you. It’s crazy enough without dead head shrinks coming onto site. (Throws him off set, walks up to Brother and slaps the back of his head).
Director (sigh, O.S.): CUT!
Scene finished in two takes.
* ~ * ~ *
CHAPTER FOUR
The girls try to find Tobli Scene.
Tobli ran away and Yuna’s group and the man ran after him. Then a shoopuf went the other way scaring the man away. Yuna’s group then ran after Tobli.
Yuna: Finally caught up to him.
Jedi Master Yoda turns and smiles.
Yoda: What can I do for you girls, hmmmm.
Rikku (angry): Ah not AGAIN!
Paine (also angry): Another damn cameo?!
Yoda looks down at them sadly.
Yoda: Anger is a path down to the dark side. With much calm, you must walk young ones, hmm? (Laughs his silly laugh).
Yuna frowns and cranes her neck downward, as she sees motion near Yoda’s rear side.
Yoda (frantically): NO, no! Away from my hinnie you must stay!
Rikku: Um, isn’t that Frank Oz down there? My God where is he putting his hand!!!
Paine: I hope he remembers to wash his hand before he eats!
Yoda shakes his head.
Yoda: Laugh like I do, you would, if Frank Oz had his hand up your butt. (Laughs again as Frank Oz moves slightly.
Mace Windu walks by and shakes his head.
Mace: That explains soooo much.
Mike Nelson, Crow, and Tom Servo from Mystery Science Theater 3000 walk by and look at what is going on.
Crow (talking to Tom Servo): Hey Tom, I have a guy with his hand up my rear too, but I don’t laugh like that, why not?
Tom Servo: You know I thought I was the only one with a guy sticking his hand up my ass.
Mike: No, no you guys, you don’t have Frank Oz with his hand up there, that’s the difference.
Tom and Crow: Ohhhhh.
Rikku: Okay this is really creeping me out.
Yuna: Seriously.
Yoda frowns and nods.
Yoda: Go I must now.
He begins walking off; letting out waves of high squeaky toots, Frank Oz is clearly uncomfortable.
Frank Oz: Damn YODA!!!
Yoda (looking at him): Warned you I did: beans, cheese, and eggs make a dark combination. Perhaps learn you will one day.
Yoda continues to walk away farting and making Frank Oz toss his cookies.
Director (O.S.): Can we go with one day without any bloopers?
Scene finished in two takes.
* ~ * ~ *
The girls go to fight the fiend before the concert scene.
The girls reach the back of the cave, and come face to face with the fiend threatening everyone’s fun.
Rikku: OOOHHHH, NOOOOOO!
Before them stands a lizard alright, a six foot, purple and green dinosaur standing around and giggling, several children looking up and hypnotized by the beast.
Barney: Okay kids, who wants to sing a song about the joy and wonder of Springtime?
Paine: Oh, he is going down!
Barney looks at the girls and snarls.
Barney: They’re mine, you little snots! Before you even think you can fight me, you must face my death squad!
Barney throws down four multicolored balls, and four alien creatures with televisions on their stomachs appear.
Barney: Teletubbies, kill the heros.
All Four Teletubbies: KILLLLLLLLL!!!
The girls make quick work of all five preschool villains and bring the children safely to their parents.
Scene finished in two takes.
* ~ * ~ *
The 1000 words song, scene.
Yuna: One thousand years ago, before the time of Sin… Spira was torn in two, divided by a terrible war. This was Spira’s great mistake. Out of the rift left by this terrible conflict, Sin was born. In only two short years, Spira has shaken off its unhappy past. We have moved on. Now, Spira grows brighter with each passing day. That light is our strength. I don’t want to see it fade. Do you? There are so many of us, each with different ideas and different beliefs. Of course we sometimes disagree, and arguments will happen. But our hearts can and should always be one. (with another voice speaking at the same time) Believe with me: Even if we’re torn apart, our feelings will unite us. That’s
what this song is about.
A dome rises behind her, and opens to reveal Squidward and his Bikini Bottom band, they begin to play, with SpongeBob Squarepants singing the song, “Sweet, sweet victory.” It moves the crowd to tears.
Yuna (very angry): Hey, this is my scene, buddy.
She takes her guns out and blasts the band back to Bikini Bottom.
Same scene, take two.
Yuna: That’s what this song is about.
A second dome arises, this time with Spongebob alone. Spongebob pushes Yuna from the Celsius, apologies for his actions, tries to explain himself, and then bursts forth with the rock song, “I’m a Goofy Gobber.” The crowd goes wild yet again, until Goofy tries to sue Spongebob for name copyright theft. Before he can make it. He trips over a wire, pushes Lenn down the Vegnagun Pit and goes screaming off into the horizon.
Yuna: All right, I’ve had IITTTTTTT!!!
Yuna blasts Spongebob back to Bikini Bottom, where he misses the town, and crashes down, down, to Rock Bottom.
A shadow walks up to him, a human wearing a hood of pure black, and from the unconscious Spongebob, the villainous Plankton appears.
Plankton: I have good news for you my lord; Yuna is one step closer to crossing over to the dark side.
The shadowy figure smiles down at him and nods approvingly.
Darth Sideous: Well done, Lord Tinyeous, all is going according to plan.
The Dark Lords of the Sith walk together, and then Darth Tinyeous (aka Plankton) stops and looks up at his master.
Plankton: You sure this will get me the Krabby Patty formula?
Darth Sideous looks down and nods.
Darth Sideous: Umm, could be.
Scene finished in three takes.
Author’s notes: Okay gang, this is the last part. It’s not going to be very long, and perhaps is even shorter than the last chapter. At any rate, I hope I did this good, and you all enjoyed the ride.
CHAPTER FIVE
Wakka greets the girls with the good news scene.
Wakka: Hey!
Wakka appears, runs closer to them and stumbles over a thoughtlessly positioned couch. The Blitzball captain falls flat on his face.
Wakka: Ouch.
Paine: Dick Van Dyke he’s not.
The crew laughs and Wakka is helped up to his feet.
Same scene, take two.
Wakka: Hey!
Wakka appears, runs closer to them and then once again trips over the couch.
Wakka: The HELL?! I thought someone moved this thing, ya?
One of the Aurochs’ approach and move the couch out of the way.
Auroch: Sorry Wakka.
Same scene, take three.
Wakka: Hey!
Wakka appears, albeit cautiously, and when no danger is in sight, sprints to the girls, tripping on a rock and landing on his leg.
Wakka (clearly in pain): God damn it!
The crew giggles and come to his aid.
Paine: The man can help destroy Sin, and lead his team to victory over overwhelming odds, but he can’t run and talk. Sad.
Wakka (still in pain, and wheezing): Ha ha, very funny.
Same scene, take four.
Wakka: Hey!
Wakka appeared.
Wakka: It’s a boy! You wanna meet him?
Yuna: Yeah!
In the village, Yuna’s group talks to Wakka and Lulu. Lulu approaches Yuna’s group with her new born baby.
Rikku: Ur, ra ec cu lida! (Oh, he is so cute!)
Yuna: Look at his hands! They’re so tiny!
Lulu hands over the child to his “Aunt” Yuna, and he proceeds to puck on her.
Yuna (screaming): OH MMMMYYYYY GOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD!!!
The crew roars with laughter and Lulu takes the baby back and Yuna tries to clean herself off.
Wakka (trying to with strain a laugh): So you still think he’s cute, Yuna?
Rikku: Ew, what did he eat that made it so green like that?
The crew laughs again.
Same scene, take five.
Yuna is still grossing out over the vomit on her shirt, and Tidus comes to help her out, the cast and crew can not stop laughing.
Same scene, take seven.
Still no one can stop laughing at the incident.
Same scene, take ten.
Rikku: Ur, ra ec cu lida! (Oh, he is so cute!)
Yuna: Look at his hands! They’re so tiny!
Lulu hands over the child to his “Aunt” Yuna, and the child practically explodes in an ocean of pee. It starts as a little trickle, then more comes, and then the entire body bursts with pee. It turns out that this “baby” was a machine, used because the real one was tired from all the excitement.
Yuna (a little bitter): Okay did all of you plan this?!
Rikku: Oh, come on Yuna, we’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing with you.
Yuna: Oh, yeah, I’m just roaring with laughter, that’s why you can’t hear me.
She tosses the broken doll at her cousin, who squeaks with horror as pee goes on her.
Rikku: Dryd’c hud vihho oui celgu! (That’s not funny you sicko!).
The crew explodes into laughter and the director let’s them go for the night.
Scene finished in eleven takes.
* ~ * ~ *
Beclem on the beach scene.
Beclem: Has Wakka settled on a name for his kid?
Yuna: No, not yet.
Beclem: Never could make up his mind.
Beclem was going to leave, but stopped for a moment.
Beclem: I have something here. I’d like you to give it to him.
Beclem gives a sphere to Yuna.
Beclem: It’s a memory of a war buddy. I’d give it to him myself, but… You understand.
Yuna’s group received War Buddy Sphere.
Man: All aboard! We’ll be settin’ sail shortly!
Beclem: See he gets it.
A blitzball zooms by, but Beclem swiftly dodges it, a little smug grin on his face, until a second hits him in the face.
Beclem: Oh, damn it.
With his hands covering his face, he does not see a third ball soar right for the gonads, and hit in straight on.
Beclem: SHIT!!!
Covering his now sore front bottom, a fourth ball hits him once more squarely in the face, tossing him into the ocean.
Before the girls can do anything to help, blitzballs start flying everywhere, beaming everyone on the cast and the crew.
Keepa (O.S.): Some one help, the Blitzball machine’s gone wild!
The camera crew are hit in the legs, Logos is knocked out when one hits him in the back of the head, somehow one manages to shoot up and beam Brother in his princely jewels, and he’s on board the Celsius set.
Brother grabs his two little buddies and screeches like Michael Jackson in one of his concerts.
Plankton (panicking as a blitzball comes soaring toward him): WAAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTTTT, I WISH TO RULE YOU!!!
Al Gore: AND I INVENTTTTTTTEDDDDDDD YOU!!!
Plankton (confused): Wait, what’s going on? What are you doing here?
Al Gore (shrugging): Got nothin’ else to do.
Plankton: Hm, good point. Shall we?
Al Gore: After you.
Both of them scream like little weenies right before they are crushed.
Darth Sideous walks by and sadly sakes his head.
Darth Sideous: I lose more apprentices that way.
He takes a bite from a Krabby Patty and looks at it approvingly.
Darth Sideous: These are pretty damn good after all!
Yoda: Tasty they are, but not as good as it feels to be free from Frank Oz’s hand they’re not.
Frank Oz lies on the beach, totally knocked out by dozens of blitzballs. Yoda throws back his head and begins laughing like a totally high pitched Spongebob.
Squall Leonheart races by, trying to battle the battalions of blitzballs looks at him and shutters. Gets knocked out after one hits his scar.
The scene is a total reminisce to the old Universal Studio’s Let the guests make their own movie set, except blitzballs are flying, instead of pies, Bruce the Shark from the Jaws movies even makes a cameo, as do the Cylons from the old Battlestar Galatica series, and OHHHHH, SHIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!
(Author’s notes, sorry, I was just beamed by one, we’ll return to the script already in progress. Thank you for your patience. Um, but could someone please tell me how I ended up married to Shelinda?)
Scene finished in two takes, after Blitzball machine is utterly destroyed. The culprits (apprehended by Rin) turn out to be none other than Steve Urkel and Pee Wee Herman. The two are given life in the undergrounds of Bevelle, right next to that idiot Michael Schiavo, and are forced to listen to Tiny Tim on the Ukulele sing “Tiptoe through the Tulips” for all eternity. Why Schiavo is there, no one knows, but fate has a way of righting wrongs when people can’t.
* ~ * ~ *
Mount Gagazet scene, discussion with Kihmari and Garik.
Garik: Elder, what path should Ronso walk? Garik not know!
Kimahri: Garik must be patient.
Garik: Garik feel hate, try to stop. But without path, hate is strong. Garik lost to hate. Garik rather unleash anger than go mad searching for path Garik cannot find!
Yoda walks up.
Yoda: Hatred is a path of the dark side of the force, let go of your emotions you must!
Rikku: Will this little green turd ever stop? Where is the security?
Thinking the computer enhanced puppet is a big pile of steaming green beans, Garik picks him up and tries to eat him.
Garik (acting like he’s high, using a California beach bum accent): Whoa, dudes, this is like totally bitchin’!
Yoda breaks free, by giving Garik an atomic wedgie using the force and smacks Garik, sending him back to reality.
Garik (still California accent): Ah, man. Bummer.
Director (O.S.): SSSSSSSEEEEEECCCCCCCUUUUUURRRRRRRIIIIITTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
Scene finished in two takes.
* ~ * ~ *
The girls find the AMAZING Chocobo scene.
The wall opens up and the group stand face to face with the largest, yellowest bird they have every seen, holding a teddy bear in his left wing.
Big Bird: Um, could you ladies help, Radar and me find our way to Seseme Street?
Director: Oh for God’s Sake PEOPLE!!!
Same scene, take two.
Rikku (looking at Clasko and Chocobo): Aw, they’re Choco-bonding!
Yuna (narrating): They make a cute couple huh?
The girls turn to leave, and around the corner the camera see’s Clasko snuggle with the Chocobo and then panic and scream as the giant bird starts attacking and trying to eat him.
Clasko: Lady YUUUUNNNAAAA!!!
Director (O.S.): CUT, someone get that bird and dork off my set!
Scene finished in three takes.
* ~ * ~ *
Author’s final notes: Sorry folks but that’s all I got. It has taken me very nearly a year to write this, and I’m a little bittersweet to see it end. In the end, I have a blast and found I enjoyed Lampooining things. This is without a doubt, NOT the last blooper story that I will write. I hope you look forward to seeing more of my work, and I’ll look forward to writing more.
One of the people I would like to dedicate this story too in the Late, Pope John Paul the Great. I tend to be more conservative than my writing lets people think and his holiness was one of my heros, thus why I put him in the story. I pray that he can now truly rest in peace. The other people I dedicate this story too is my brother, who always laughed at my jokes, even when other people did not like them, and everyone else in my family.