Opinions Needed...

This is my final draft of my second piece of coursework for my English GCSE (final exam) and I need opinions, this is supposed be a review of some events in a persons life.

Humanity Examined:
A look into my life

I am human, this is an indisputable fact of course, for the mere fact that I have concocted this literary work proves that I am capable of higher brain functions, and a sentient being with a respectable level of intelligence. We as humans are measured by others by many things, appearance being foremost among how a person is judged, however there is on a less superficial level that aspect of our being that is most important: who we are. Who we are is dependant on how our experiences mould us, and many things are capable within the far reaches of the human psyche, the capacity for good, the capacity for ill and the capacity to judge. I present to you several experiences in my life that have contributed (with countless other factors) to creating the individual that is Alexander John Hayes.
So let us begin by examining one facet of human need: companionship. Companionship seems to be an anomaly within the descriptive terms of human social needs, for whilst other terms have many meanings, companionship can extend further than that of other humans, the animal kingdom for example. However this is not only a section regarding companionship, this is also the tale of how I have come to accept death as not only an essential part of life, but as our ultimate inescapable destiny. Here is an example of companionship, thought not exactly a happy one. My dog Buster was dying. He was a marvellous creature, an almost perfect playmate for a six year old, always so playful, so full of energy, but it seems that cruel entity we designate as fate has a way of taking what we treasure most from us before it is truly appreciated. You see Buster was never completely well, and it was when he was approaching twenty (in human years) that his sight was taken from him. This affected him greatly, and thus the brave canine I knew and treasured was already forever gone, never to be the same again. And so as the days went by his condition deteriorated leading him to a point where existence was a sad montage of pain and confusion, for I cannot imagine a blind and deaf canine would have much sense of coherence. And so, far away in that distant place where the angel Azrael forever sits writing the lives of all, it was decreed that my beloved Buster would have to stand vis-à-vis with the grimmest of reapers. His death though was thankfully painless, and by the hand of a stranger. Rather than condemn that fair creature to a death of pain, his final moments would be spent in that cold, sterile and unforgiving place that is known as the Veterinarians. And since that time I have come to realise that it was better for him to die, than to live for even if he had been healthy, at twenty years of life, his quality of life would be a mere shadow of what it had been in younger days.
And now, we come to another aspect of human character what I consider the morbid need for self destruction, for this section will cover the division I have seen between two people, and the effect it can have on all around them, whilst this section also focuses on greed, I respectfully believe that the nature of this event, the veritable why this event occurred should remain private, restricted to those who it affected, and I thank you to understand.
Divorce. The mere mention of the word is enough to strike fear into the hearts of the unified family. Yet it is such a common occurrence it would amaze you. I unfortunately am a victim of this vile prospect. For you see no human is perfect, and thus we are all doomed to betray, to inflict, and to transgress. But it is when we use this curse of imperfection to drive discord and chaos into the family that we become monsters. For I will not be pretentious, I despise my mother, in my eyes she abandoned me, and to me this is a sin second only to atrocities such as taking a life for in a sense she took a life; she took away the life I would have had, a life I may have wished for, for in that life Alexander Hayes would have a mother. Ergo I have little or no respect for her. Divorce, this harbinger of unhappiness that shattered my domestic dreams is not a complete bearer of despair, for had the act not occurred I would not have come to enjoy the life I now live. Although as I have said, it caused pain, and took a great deal of pain to finally reach the salvation, my mother had transgressed, and so she would be punished, but no level of atonement, no level of remorse could redeem what she had done. I now live with my father, and my quality of life far exceeds the strife-ridden era of Divorce.
Am I happy it happened? No, most certainly not, for it not only hurt me but undoubtedly left a deep scar within my father, but what I am happy about is that now I have a parent, one that has earned the name ‘father’.
Life, by nature is enigmatic, but is it our quest to unravel the ultimate riddle? Is it our purpose to understand life? Great philosophers and the learned of old have struggled for millennia to answer the great questions existence poses, but the real question we should ask ourselves is not why are we here, but do we deserve to be here?
I bid you thanks for your time, and now I must take leave of you, until such time as fate passes my work to your hands, I bid you adieu.

Fin.

Well what do ya think?

Originally posted by Dominic Deegan
[b]This is my final draft of my second piece of coursework for my English GCSE (final exam) and I need opinions, this is supposed be a review of some events in a persons life.

Humanity Examined:
A look into my life

I am human, this is an indisputable fact of course, for the mere fact that I have concocted this literary work proves that I am capable of higher brain functions, and a sentient being with a respectable level of intelligence. We as humans are measured by others by many things, appearance being foremost among how a person is judged, however there is on a less superficial level that aspect of our being that is most important: who we are. Who we are is dependant on how our experiences mould us, and many things are capable within the far reaches of the human psyche, the capacity for good, the capacity for ill and the capacity to judge. I present to you several experiences in my life that have contributed (with countless other factors) to creating the individual that is Alexander John Hayes.
So let us begin by examining one facet of human need: companionship. Companionship seems to be an anomaly within the descriptive terms of human social needs, for whilst other terms have many meanings, companionship can extend further than that of other humans, the animal kingdom for example. However this is not only a section regarding companionship, this is also the tale of how I have come to accept death as not only an essential part of life, but as our ultimate inescapable destiny. Here is an example of companionship, thought not exactly a happy one. My dog Buster was dying. He was a marvellous creature, an almost perfect playmate for a six year old, always so playful, so full of energy, but it seems that cruel entity we designate as fate has a way of taking what we treasure most from us before it is truly appreciated. You see Buster was never completely well, and it was when he was approaching twenty (in human years) that his sight was taken from him. This affected him greatly, and thus the brave canine I knew and treasured was already forever gone, never to be the same again. And so as the days went by his condition deteriorated leading him to a point where existence was a sad montage of pain and confusion, for I cannot imagine a blind and deaf canine would have much sense of coherence. And so, far away in that distant place where the angel Azrael forever sits writing the lives of all, it was decreed that my beloved Buster would have to stand vis-à-vis with the grimmest of reapers. His death though was thankfully painless, and by the hand of a stranger. Rather than condemn that fair creature to a death of pain, his final moments would be spent in that cold, sterile and unforgiving place that is known as the Veterinarians. And since that time I have come to realise that it was better for him to die, than to live for even if he had been healthy, at twenty years of life, his quality of life would be a mere shadow of what it had been in younger days.
And now, we come to another aspect of human character what I consider the morbid need for self destruction, for this section will cover the division I have seen between two people, and the effect it can have on all around them, whilst this section also focuses on greed, I respectfully believe that the nature of this event, the veritable why this event occurred should remain private, restricted to those who it affected, and I thank you to understand.
Divorce. The mere mention of the word is enough to strike fear into the hearts of the unified family. Yet it is such a common occurrence it would amaze you. I unfortunately am a victim of this vile prospect. For you see no human is perfect, and thus we are all doomed to betray, to inflict, and to transgress. But it is when we use this curse of imperfection to drive discord and chaos into the family that we become monsters. For I will not be pretentious, I despise my mother, in my eyes she abandoned me, and to me this is a sin second only to atrocities such as taking a life for in a sense she took a life; she took away the life I would have had, a life I may have wished for, for in that life Alexander Hayes would have a mother. Ergo I have little or no respect for her. Divorce, this harbinger of unhappiness that shattered my domestic dreams is not a complete bearer of despair, for had the act not occurred I would not have come to enjoy the life I now live. Although as I have said, it caused pain, and took a great deal of pain to finally reach the salvation, my mother had transgressed, and so she would be punished, but no level of atonement, no level of remorse could redeem what she had done. I now live with my father, and my quality of life far exceeds the strife-ridden era of Divorce.
Am I happy it happened? No, most certainly not, for it not only hurt me but undoubtedly left a deep scar within my father, but what I am happy about is that now I have a parent, one that has earned the name ‘father’.
Life, by nature is enigmatic, but is it our quest to unravel the ultimate riddle? Is it our purpose to understand life? Great philosophers and the learned of old have struggled for millennia to answer the great questions existence poses, but the real question we should ask ourselves is not why are we here, but do we deserve to be here?
I bid you thanks for your time, and now I must take leave of you, until such time as fate passes my work to your hands, I bid you adieu.

Fin.

Well what do ya think? [/b]

What we experience in our physical bodies is only part of what shapes us into who we are. Because to really be who you are you have to know yourself and be at one with yourself. Like Zen masters and students (I believe its Zen) meditate many years to find themselves and experience nirvana, or something similar, which only occurs when the mind, body, and spirit are in line. To truely know and be who we are is a very difficult quest in my opinion. A quest I believe only few in life every embark upon and even fewer who actually finish.

I disagree with your statement about your dog being 20 and healthy that you would rather have seen him die because he wouldn’t have been the same as when he was young. I think its a rather sad thing. I mean do we take are elderly to a place to have them killed (excluding nursing homes… they should be outlawed)? The quality of any living being’s life doesn’t necessarily decrease as they age. I believe that if given the best circumstances the quality of life would stay the same or even INCREASE from what it was in its youth. Immigrants from 3rd world countries coming to America, for instance, would have such an increase in the quality of their life.

As humans were only given so much time as such why would one want to spend their time worrying over a question of whether or not we deserve to be here on this beautiful planet. Instead I think we should leave ourselves open to all the wonderful experiences there are to indulge in and wait until we find or are found by our destiny or whatever you decide to call it. Destiny is something I don’t truely believe as that implies that every persons life has been planned out for them long before the were brought into existence. In my opinion one should find that thing that they wish to do the most with their limited time here and do it and not concern themselves with meaningless questions that they can’t hope to answer on this plane of existence.

Oh and sorry people but it SHOULD be in paragraphs mumble mumble st00pid copy/paste mumble

Ah I see, well RC what did you actually think of it in as a piece of work?

I really hope you don’t expect a reply out of him anytime soon.

It was very deep…

And do I sense a hate between Cro and RC?

Originally posted by Crotanks
I really hope you don’t expect a reply out of him anytime soon.

Yes, I know, most annoying.

Originally posted by Chris-chris
And do I sense a hate between Cro and RC?

No. I don’t see how “I really hope you don’t expect a reply out of him anytime soon” emplies that either.

In general I liked it, it got the parts of my noggin working that really makes you think about things. Something I’ve actually come to enjoy over the past few months. I think maybe if you threw in a lighter experience in there it might help to change the morbid atmosphere of it though.

And no, there’s no hate between Cro and I. He just knows that I hardly ever check the boards, like once or twice a month.

Yeah, my teacher said put in a happy one, trouble is I really can’t think of one:hahaha;

B+ to A*

Holy shit! Thomas complemented me! O_O

Weiila ;_;