Not really fanfiction, but I need a critique. Please?

As I find myself with a lot of idle time these days where I can’t shrine and whatnot, I have been thinking of getting back into video game reviewing at GameFAQs. I go over ideas in my head, think of potential formats, sentences, paragraphs, and things like that. And now, I’ve come up with an opening for a review, but I need some opinions on it.

My old reviews were crap, and hopefully my newer ones will be able to reverse that trend. But I have a feeling this one is too long so far. Please critique it, and be merciless! I would definitely appreciate it! But keep in mind I haven’t gotten to explaining anything about the game yet. This is just an intro, and I just need to be steered in the right direction. 8)

BEGIN:

I have seen it countless times before. People who aspire to be famous and loved. Desperately seeking acceptance, they take on monumental tasks in order to create something big. Something earth-changing, maybe. Whether it be for fame, or fortune,
or the simple need to see your name in large font in the latest issue of a popular magazine along with the words “Incredible!”, “Awe-Inspiring!”, or other similar words
of praise. People want to be loved; it is a basic need that requires fulfillment.

And these days, it has become almost a trend for young, computer-savvy gamers, full of hope and optimism about the world, to find this fame through the medium of video
games. They download game editors, mod creators, RPG-Makers, and vow to create the “next big thing” in gaming; be it the new Counter-Strike (which was created by such people, and is now more popular than the game it sprang from), or maybe the next
big RPG that will be on everyone’s desktop.

Inspired by a sudden surge of brilliance (or maybe they were just overly excited after seeing the latest hit movie or completing Square’s newest RPG), they start to plan all kinds of things; they draw up artwork, write down story ideas, staying up all night developing, developing, and developing; promising that when their labour is done, we’ll have an amazing game on our hands.

Then the work to fulfill these promises starts. And for nearly 99% of the people… IT begins.

The person loses interest. This infatuation with their vision, their legacy, fizzles out. What was once a bright, burning flame is now a few smoldering ashes. These once brilliant people give up altogether because it’s too hard for them, and let the idea die out completely until the next big thing comes along and puts them into another berserker rage of unrealistic hopes and dreams. Yet, some do finish their labours, but with their passion to create at a minimum, they descend down, further down… no, even further down… until they simply rush the rest of the game just to release it.

And unfortunately, Action 52 is a perfect example of this phenomenon.


END

Too deep for moronic gamerz such as myself, just kidding.
You obviously put a lot of thought into that, I enjoyed it, the format seems a bit daunting though, like something you might see in a gameing mag like EGM.