NHL Public Service Announcement.

Poor millionaire players… open your hearts, would you?

Sound clip from the John Moore Show on Toronto’s CFRB Radio.

Being stateside, I really don’t get much into hockey. I’ll admit I’m a passive fan, but I cannot really get into the argument. It seems sometimes that both sides want to meet in the middle, but they can’t agree on the ‘middle’. I’ve also heard rumblings from some players (sometime on ESPN, forget the players) claiming the NHLPA isn’t really ‘representing their wishes’. Also, what I have heard is Bettmann wanted to break the union anyway. What better way than to come to a gridlock? I’ll do with hockey what I did with baseball after their 90’s strike: wait until they do something to regain my intrest. Until then, the NHL is dead to me.

Those poor, poor hockey players. They may actually have to look for loose change to pay for their new yachts. :frowning:

God damn you Real Media. >:(

Ah NHL. The professional league for America’s most popular sport. After football, baseball, and basketball that is. Actually, its popularity probably ranks behind college football and hoops too. Heh.

Which it funny because it’s such a better game. Eh.

HA! Hockey players don’t make that much money…

In comparsion…

Very cute.

For those who might not be aware, the joke is actually based on a phony ad in a 1983 satirical book called “The Anglo guide to survival in Quebec”

Here’s the original ad:


Douglas McClaren was a successful VP of Marketing when his head office suddenly moved to Toronto, without him. He and his wife, Wendy, were left behind, ALONE AND UNILINGUAL, in Quebec.

The family is forced to live on U.I.C., a small trust fund, and a stock portfolio showing ALMOST NO GROWTH this quarter. Their children, Timmy, 10, and Kimberley, 14, have almost NO DISPOSABLE INCOME.


*Douglas’ Audi is three years old
*Kimberley’s ballet class is due for renewal
*Wendy is forced to wear last year’s wardrobe

Timmy desperately need to be seen by an orthodontist, while Kimberley will soon be of college age. What then? Will she be forced to go to a French university because her father cannot afford tuition in an American school?


Your small donation can help return their life to normal. For only $1,000 a week you can adopt this charming Westmount family and show them that SOMEONE CARES.

*Only $3,500 will pay for gas and tolls to the cottage for an entire year.
*Only $1,500 will send Timmy to Tennis Camp to improve his BADLY UNDERDEVELOPED forehand.
*Only $2,000 will keep Kimberley out of group therapy and maintain her private sessions.


Easy. Your $1,000 a week can be sent to the McClarens care of: “Hard Times in the First World.” Or, should you prefer, your money can be deposited directly into Douglas’s self-administered RRSP.

Absolutely. As soon as they cash your first checque, the McClarens will send you a personal letter, IN ENGLISH. OR, if you prefer, they will make a video-tape (VHS or BETA)
*Watch Timmy at DRESSAGE!
For an extra $5,000, the cleaning woman will write as well

PLEASE. Help the McClarens smile for the first time this quarter!

It isn’t based on any particular ad. There’s hundreds of similar stuff that goes out all the time.


nevermind… :bowser:

Good. I hope the other professional sports leagues fail too. And then college sports, so higher education can be more purely about actual education.

But what would be our pastime when we’re not working?

And don’t say art and literature since those are reserved for lamers and n00bs

Videogames and masturbation.

Or instead of drooling at the TV while paying overpaid showboaters (I know that’s unfair. There are plenty of professional sports players who’re good at what they do and good sports about it, too.) play games, you could go and play them yourself.

You know what I’m thinkin’?

These hockey players would be a lot happier with singing condoms.

This sucks. I like hockey, and the Flyers are the only team that <i>doesn’t</i> actually choke in the finals and let their entire city down. =((((

The NHL is going to be fucked if they can’t get a season going next year though.

I love hockey. No hockey = end of the world.
This is my favorite player. He is ready for major leagues.

See you next year Jack.

Who does he play for? The Ankh-Morpork Wizards? :smiley:

The NHL brought this on itself.

In the past 15 years or so, despite the fact that hockey is not as popular in America as Basketball, Football or Baseball (or NASCAR and golf now), the NHL expanded to be a third bigger than it was previously (over-saturating itself), and it moved franchises from places that actually gave a shit about hockey, like Hartford, Winnipeg, and Quebec City, to stupid non-hockey places like Carolina, Phoenix and Dallas.

And despite not making as much money as the other professional leagues, the players began getting comparable salaries, when the league couldn’t afford to make them, which made the players extra-whiny. And by the time the NHL began wanting a salary cap, the players simply weren’t willing to accept it.

The funniest “whiny millionaire” quote came from the underachieving basketball player Latrell Sprewell, when he was demanding a contract extention/raise, when he said that he needed the money because he had a family to feed, despite his multi-millionaire status. =P

Whatever, I haven’t kept track of pro hockey since Quebec moved to Colorado. U-Wisconsin College hockey is where it’s at.