Hey all:) Kinda new here, but what the hell. You guys seem good at coming up with ideas and vaild criticisisms. This is a story I posted on FF.net about a month back. It has some problems with it, I know. The fight scene needs some more length to it, and the backsstory needs work. The real problem is I don’t where to take it from here. Any suggestions?
I still can?t believe this happened. I?m standing on the outside of Balamb Garden now. I can hear people, probably my ?friends? behind me. I hear hushed conversation as they are trying to work up the guts to talk to me. I pray they don?t. I?d probably kill anyone who tried at this point.
I was supposed to be her Knight, to protect her from all harm. I once swore I?d be by her side, even if she became the world?s enemy. What?s a Knight to do when the world becomes hers? I can?t protect her from that. I don?t have to blame myself? Bullshit! How did this happen? They only explained a little to me, but I can guess the rest. I went out on a mission with several new SeeD?s. The explanation given to me was that I needed to be sent out every once in a while, to keep fresh. As if I don?t work on my skills hard every day; doubly so since I became Rinoa?s Knight. I did find it a little strange, but I complied; like the good little Commander that I am. No?. was. I can?t remain here anymore. That I know for certain. They took her. Apparently the governments of the world were threatened by my Angel. No one knew for certain if she would seek power or not. Hah! I knew her. I doubt a thought of taking power ever crossed her mind. She was an innocent in so many ways. Even after the Ultimicea incident. It was something that I envied, and loved about her. She did have allies, but the outcry was so great, that even my father was forced from power because he refused to comply. It didn?t matter. It was Esthar?s soldiers who took her. Whoever their new president is, he?s going to face my gun blade someday. I swear it. They took her to the Sorceress Memorial, where her power would be sealed for the sake of the world. Then there was a regrettable accident, where she died. Accident my ass! You might ask how I could leave her when I knew the world was against her? Simple. I thought I had friends I could rely on. People who would stand by her. How wrong I was. Cid swore to me that Garden wouldn?t surrender her. Zell, Quistis, Irvine, and Selphie told me they?d stand by her. You know what?s funny? After Time Compression I changed, became more open. I had found people who wouldn?t leave. No matter what if I called, they?d always be there. I now find out that I was right the first time. You can?t rely on others. In the end, you are on your own.
Zell paced in a circle, obviously worried. The rest of them expressed their nervousness and sorrow in their own peculiar manners. Irvine polished his shotgun, and was the first to speak. ?Guess we should go talk to him, huh?? Selphie checked the bottom of her shoes, and uttered sadly. ?Tell me again how it came to this? How could we have let this happen?? Quistis shook her head. ?It was either comply, or Garden would be destroyed. Hundreds of lives spared, for the life of one.? Zell stopped pacing, losing his temper. ?Not just one! Two! What do you think is happening with Squall out there?! It?s like the two were part of one another!? Irvine tipped his hat over his eyes, and stared at the distant form of the Commander. ?Cid says he wants us to bring him in. By force if necessary. Wants to talk some sense into him, convince him this isn?t worth throwing his life away for.? Zell rolled his eyes. ?Shit! Now we?ve got to beat him up? Hasn?t there been enough done? I say we leave him alone.? Quistis sighed. ?We can?t do that. He?s our friend. In the end, this will be for his own good.? Irvine said. ?Are we? His friend I mean? I sure as hell don?t feel like it.? ?Regardless, we have to do this. It?s orders.? She started forward, and Selphie followed hesitantly. Irvine and Zell hung back. Quistis looked back to them. ?Coming?? Zell and Irvine exchanged a glance, before they slowly started forward. Zell replied for both of them. ?Yeah, we?re coming.? Not a word passed between them, until they reached Squall. He sensed their presence, but didn?t turn around. ?Leave.? Quistis replied. ?We can?t do that. Come back with us Squall. I know it hurts, but we can work through this.? He turned around then, an expression of absolute fury in his eyes none of them had ever seen. ?You know nothing! Don?t try and tell me you ?understand?!? Irvine lifted his hat from over his eyes. ?We can do this the hard way, or the easy way. Don?t make us do this Squall.? The Commander?s eyes narrowed, and he unsheathed the Lionheart. ?Let?s make it the hard way.? Quistis hurriedly withdrew her whip, and lashed out at Squall with a blow meant to entangle him. Squall raised his weapon, catching it on the blade, and letting her whip tangle around it. He pulled and Quistis came towards him. He caught her under the chin with the hilt, knocking the former instructor unconscious. Selphie attempted to come to Quistis? rescue, sending her nunchakus flying towards his face. The Commander ducked, and rushed forward, bulling into her midsection. Their momentum carried Selphie into Irvine, and Squall pushed, knocking both to the ground in a heap. Squall raised his gun blade, and turned to face Zell. ?You want some too?? Zell shook his head. ?No, I?m not going to fight you.? He lowered his eyes, and said. ?Squall, for what it?s worth? I?m sorry. None of us wanted this. It was either give Rinoa over, or the Garden would have been hunted down and destroyed. Please try to understand.? He sheathed his gun blade, and looked at Irvine and Selphie untangling themselves. ?I?m not interested in apologies. I?m leaving.? He looked at all of them, as if engraving their images into his memory. ?Don?t come after me. The next time I see any of you, it?s the last time. Understand?? Zell nodded, tears coming unbidden to his eyes. ?Yeah, I get it. What are you going to do?? ?None of your damned business.? He turned without a backwards glance, and began heading towards the town of Balamb. Irvine got to his feet, and helped Selphie, who was still gasping for breath. The gunman stated. ?That didn?t go down so well.? Selphie held her hand to her stomach, and took several deep breaths. She managed to wheeze out. ?He?ll.. come to his.. senses.. He?ll be back.? Zell shook his head. ?No, I don?t think so. It?s best to just let him go. Maybe he?ll find happiness someday.? The cowboy tipped his hat to the distantly retreating form. ?Take care bud.? He then turned his attention to Quistis, who was just beginning to stir. ?Come on. Let?s get her to Dr. Kadowski.?
As I?m walking away, I suddenly know my path. Legends tell there was once a man named Sephiroth who almost destroyed this world. Strange that this would come to mind, but it seems appropriate. This world isn?t anything to me without her anyways. Guess what world? You have a new enemy, a new Sephiroth. You took my little slice of heaven from me. Now I?m going to put all of you through hell. I swear it. Knights always avenge their Sorceresses. Always.