Naruto really fucking sucks

The Core The Anime Forum
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This is part one of my hopefully two-part discourse of how the major shönen series of the last years suck balls. Part 2, Bleach, might never be written due to laziness, and I would make a part three about One Piece but I haven’t read past Vol.30.

Warning: Untagged spoilers abound.

Naruto. Remember Naruto? Yes that guy, yeah, with the orange jumpsuit. The main character. There’s a chronic disease of most Shönen series by which nobody but the main character can do anything worth shit (See: Bleach). I’m very glad Kishimoto sidestepped that in here with guys like Shikamaru. However, Naruto isn’t Gon or Taikoubou. He doesn’t have another trait apart from his strength that makes him a worthy character. He’s a generic shönen character without the basic trait of all shönen characters: The ability to do stuff.

Aside from his emotional growth from “love starved jackass teen” into just “jackass teen”, he literally hasn’t had a single improvement in over a hundred chapters. He’s sill got shit control of the Kyubi’s powers, he’s still using the Kage no Bunshin hack to compensate for his lack of skill while making the Rasengan. He’s created a new and very unimpressive skill by, oh surprise, ANOTHER hack solution involving the Bunshin. He’s still a dumbass. He’s got no other trick. He’s worthless at anything but blasting random shit, which he even fails to do most of the time. It’s been over 370 chapters and there’s still no semblance of reason to show any admiration for this guy.

Oh wait, there is ONE development. Everyone was right! He was the 4th Hokage’s son! BIG WHOO-FUCKING–OP! Who the HELL hadn’t figured that out in like the second chapter? Why wait that long to tell us, and in such an anticlimatic manner? Probably was keeping it as a card for a plot-twist, then figured out everyone and their mother could have seen it coming and just gave up.

Then there’s Sakura. I admit, ever since she’s faded into the background scenery, I don’t hate her as much. She’s got some motivation aside from Sasuke, might have toned down her adoration a bit, and has had some growth. Still doesn’t make her anything but background scenery. Related to that:

Which leads us to the great Sasuke, who has been sort of made the new main character it seems. Good lord I fucking hate this bitch. Let’s leave alone the fact that he’s an utter bastard, that’s just part of his character, what pisses me off is that he’ll invariably be redeemed in the eyes of his friends (sure as hell not in mine), be forgiven for all his crap and live happily ever after/die heroically and be remembered as a hero. Fuck that shit. Also, what the hell happened with the mortally strict treatment of runaways that was introduced so early on with the crossdresser kid and the big-sword assassin? Why is Leaf sending so many people to RESCUE him? They should send the entire goddamn village to fuck up his and his emo teen-pop-band’s ass. Oh, and I loved how his deal with Orochimaru turned out. Five billion chapters of build up about how Orochimaru was going to eat him and it ends with “LOL, NO U!”. Now of course we all know Orochimaru’s spirit will awaken inside him and wreck some shit, but still.

And so we go to the billion stock characters. Where to begin…

Shikamaru. No I don’t have anything bad to say about Shikamaru. I love this son of a bitch. He’s my favorite character by far. The fact that he’s been getting more and more screentime is one of the few reasons I’m still reading this. Except for the smoking thing.

Hinata. Unless I’m wrong, I heard that Hinata is among the most popular characters in Naruto. How the hell that’s possible considering she’s got like two or three chapters of screentime in the entire manga a few years ago is beyond me, but hey, Japs must love their Yamato Nadeshiko or whatever. It would be cool if she appeared more. Not because of herself, but because she was on the same team as the guy who had bugs up his urethra. I’d like to see that guy more often. You’d think that now they’ve joined the main character’s party they’d be showing up more, but oh wait, THE MAIN CHARACTER isn’t even showing.

Rock Lee & Neji. What happened to those two? They were cool. Especially Lee with his “guts and willpower” Gunbuster thing going.

And… well, the others. If Kishimoto can’t be arsed to remember them, I sure as hell won’t. Ino’s on the same boat as Sakura, and the fatass was cool.

Oh yeah, and Sai. Ehhh… that guy. Don’t really give a crap. He doesn’t piss me off at least.

Also:

Sill no good idea of what the fuck half of the evil guys want and for what. We’re still getting told stuff about more and more awesome proprieties of the goddamned Sharingan and stuff, but nothing else.

Pein’s master plan revealed! A giant chakra nuke to end all wars! Whoo yeah, talk about shocking, interesting and deviously smart. Jiraiya’s fabulous static hair and the Giant Crab no Jutsu almost made it all worthy though.

Finally, Kishimoto is a really fucking lazy artist. He can do some impressive stuff when he wants to, but that’s by far an odd occurrence. His drawings are usually extremely simplistic and repetitive scribbles with no shading whatsoever, very few stock designs for each expression, tremendously undetailed backgrounds and an overall lack of emotion. It’s like reading the Hunter X Hunter chapters that were drawn while the artist was half-dead, except Kishi isn’t a terminal patient. Not to mention 2/3 of everything are goddamned face shots.

Bah, this came out choppier than intended, but I’m too lazy right now to revise it. Take it as a random rant.

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I have to agree with you, SE. I fucking hate Naruto now. I use to love it. Then it started to suck. A LOT. Naruto’s still a fucking retard, Sasuke’s still a dick, Sakura’s not as much of a bitch, other characters haven’t been shown as much… fucking hell. And yeah, the art has gotten as sloppy as a college girl at a frat party. I stopped reading Naruto about two years ago (Ori fills me in on some of the things happening in Naruto from time to time so thats why I know about Sasuke). And I’m glad that someone else shares the same opinions as I do.

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And you’re just coming to this conclusion now? There are very very few Shönen that are worth reading (Flame of Recca being one of them, sure it’s all going to come down to Recca in the end but the other characters aren’t completely worthless). The term Naru-tard exists for a very good reason my friends.

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Wait? If you hate this so much how come you’re still reading it?

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Don’t forget the ultimate fate of all villains who do not have a place in the grand plan: Dead. and. Forgotten.

(I kinda thought OP really picked up the pace after Skypiea. But that’s just me.)

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I’d have to agree with Mabat. Skypiea is absolutely the weakest arc in One Piece. Probably the one that most represents what’s wrong with Shonen series, as you’ve described. The villain is loud and obnoxious, and his only ability is throwing increasingly larger blasts of energ— er lightning at his foes. Oh, and of course, only Luffy can fight him toe to toe. Skypiea could’ve been a lot better if it were like half as long, since it just dragged in places. And while some of the exposition right at the very end was interesting, it would’ve been much better if we knew this earlier.

So do yourself a favor and keep reading or watching past Skypiea before you criticize One Piece too much. The arcs coming up, Water 7 and Enies Lobby are the best in the series. W7 breaks the mold that you established in that it’s the least Shonen-y of the OP arcs, there’s not as much fighting, and what’s there is mostly done by the other characters (with the exception of two duels at the start of the arc). Enies Lobby is a giant fight from start to finish, but just about everyone gets their moment to shine. And the best part is, the real villain of the arc is as weak as a kitten, Luffy never touches him. Luffy’s fight is with the main subordinate of the villain, while the real villain is dealt with by Franky and Robin.

As for Bleach… well I’ll wait for you to write about it. But I imagine I won’t necessarily disagree with what you say. I still keep up on it, and I still enjoy it. But I can see it has more than its share of faults.

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Heya (remember me?) Spoilers ahead!

I agree that Naruto sucks a lot nowadays, especially when it comes to waste lots of potentially interesting characters (Shino, Rock Lee, etc). Even Naruto’s potential is wasted. There’s only so many tricks you can do with Kage Bunshin. I’m not sure what Kishimoto (the author) plans about Hinata, but considering how little we got from Neji (whom is basically a stronger version of Hinata) in part II of the manga, I don’t expect much. My last hope is Shino, really.

The current villains were hyped as the ultimate badass group just to have most of their members defeated by a bunch of Chuunins (“middle-level ninja”). Oh yeah, I almost forgot, ranks mean nothing on Naruto. Pein/Pain started as the “leader” of the group, but it turns out he isn’t the real leader (what’s the point in calling him “leader”, then?), plus it was recently revealed he’s another eye-jutsu user (how many are left?) with hax skillz and a sad, sad background. As if Sasuke (and Itachi) wasn’t enough.

Sasuke is fricking annoying with his emo avenger pose, but I understand that his kind of character is part of many shonen series. What’s frustrating is how Naruto and every fricking character wants to rescue a TRAITOR (that’s the current mission, as far as I remember). It’s like Naruto has completely forgotten his original “become Hokage” dream.

I think Bleach has a lot less faults, but it fails a bit in the “wasting characters” department. Take for example, Chad. Ever since the first chapters I’ve thought this guys looked badass and had potential to do loads of cool stuff. He’s always shown alongside Ichigo and co., as part of the “main group”. But, how much has this guy done, actually? I also think Bleach lost a bit of the original, humorous “vibe” of the series, when it had less crazy bankai powers and more character interaction. But, the inevitable “fight stronger enemies and train” formula of Bleach is far better than Naruto’s.

You guys dislike One Piece? Yes, it’s far too long and some consider it too goofy, but it’s probably one of the best “shonen” out there, if you’re into that kind of manga/anime. It takes a while to enjoy it, though.

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It’s just that Naruto doesn’t suck because it’s generic Shönen, it sucks because it’s not even good enough to be generic Shönen. There were some rorgivable aspects early on that made it bearable but the latter chapters are so… ugh.

Damnit, stop stealing my points before I have a chance to rant. No, Bleach is LEAGUES better than Naruto. I actually like it. But there’s still several bumps on it.

The initial complaint people have with Bleach is that it lost the charm it had at first. I’ve personally given up on that. It’s now stereotypical shönen and will always be, so I’ll settle for the cookie crumbs of humor we scarcely get and be happy. I’m also sad about the fact that Ichigo lately gets to say nothing but “I can’t lose/I will save her” and doesn’t have enough time to display more personality, even though we see it from time to time. The overall feeling is that Kubo still remembers how to do things right, but gets sidetracked for one reason or another and never ends up doing so.

The first big problem here is the current arc. Actually, no, not the Arc itself, but the way it’s being executed: Ho gets kidnapped, ragtag band of useless sidekicks + big hero band together and plow through armies of overpowering enemies to finally rescue her. What’s so bad about this isn’t the fact that it’s overdone as fuck, it’s the fact that IT’S EXACTLY WHAT THE LAST GODDAMN ARC WAS ALL ABOUT! For fuck’s sake, we even get equivalent characters with Grimmjow=Renji, Nel=Yoruichi and so on. I mean, DUDE!

Let’s also go about how, for the past year and so, the good guys have done nothing but get their asses royally handed to them. Yes, the Espada are supposed to be a really mighty bunch so at least one crushing defeat is necessary, but haven’t they dragged on long enough already? It’s only just now that anyone starts winning at anything. Couldn’t they just skip the three-digit guys? That way THAT segment would have been about the ass-handing and we’d already be at the winning part.

Now about individual characters…

Rukia. From the moment she returned I’ve been calling bullshit on her “Oh BTW, she’s actually strong” when she was getting moped in chapter one by a random Hollow. Distraction or not, she wasn’t anywhere near as strong as she’s made to be now. But now it just turned ridiculous: She’s killed an Espada. In a stage of the story in which Bankai is about as impressive as Super Saiyan 1 during the Buu saga, a chick with only Shikai actually managed to do what nobody else up to that point had achieved. Yeah… no.

Oh, of course she died, but that’s nothing, which leads to the next character.

Orihime. I admit, the revelation on her powers was fairly witty and interesting, but it introduced a very dangerous element, proven by how she rezzed Grimmjow: She’s now the equivalent of the Dragon Balls. Or rather, she’s the Dragon Boobs. As if anyone was actually dying at all before, we now have a character that ensures no one will ever die from here on either. That’s why nobody gives a shit about Rukia dying. Since it’s been hinted that the container for her powers is very frail, I REALLY hope she looses her skills at some point, otherwise this’ll turn to crap.

Uryuu. The Quincy’s concept of “Permanent” seems to work different from mine it seems, since he reverted his mighty sacrifice by… jumping? Running? What the fuck did he do anyway? Not to mention the really dramatic promise he made to his father was broken in a heartbeat with still no conceivable retaliation. Something MAY come, but the fact that everything’s going smooth seems to me like a really cheap crack. And even though all this goes on, he’s obviously not managed to kill his enemy yet; but that’s not his fault, after all he’s paired with…

Abarai “The Jobber” Renji. It’s an unwritten rule that Renji will never do anything important, and that anyone who pairs up with him will end up trashed. Let’s face it, the guy is a crapped-down Ichigo, bound by the chains of sidekickness. His pair with Uryuu MAY eventually kill that homo after a hundred chapters, but the fact that he STILL hasn’t done so doesn’t look good for him. Oh, and, what happened to his “training” with Urahara? It must have gone the same way as Naruto’s with Jiraiya’s (I.E. Hasn’t learnt shit).

And we so we end up with half-mexican buddy Chad. Now here’s a tragic case: a calm, collected, friendly, lovable and blatant Kamen Rider reference who’s thrown completely into the crapper. C’mon, after all the build up about his determination, he got swatted aside like a bug and forgotten. I told you fuckers that was gonna happen last year and I was right. I’m looking at you Spoony.

And Tatsuki. Where the HELL is Tatsuki? Everyone loves Tatsuki, she’s awesome. Except that looking at Chad, you can tell the odds of her becoming relevant aren’t exactly looking peachy. Even more, the ONLY way she’ll now get any sort of role is by some really bullshit Deus Ex, since she hasn’t done a single bit of training, yet needs to reach the level of the current powerhouses to have any sort of importance. She still stuck at “Oh, hey, I can see ghosts?” stage. Fuck, Don Kanonji has a better shot at getting a part logically than her now.

Speaking of characters who are not there… THE ENTIRE GOTEI 13! So yes, it was a suicide mission, are you telling me NOBODY had the balls to do it? Renji and Rukia were going, why not Byakuya? Why not Ikaku? WHY NOT KENPACHI!? The last two sure as hell ain’t known for their brains and practical mindset. And they’re no longer simply sneaking in, they are taking care of the entire Arrancar army, they could send SOMEONE to give a hand.

Or the Vaizards. Big build up there and then… nothing. They vanished.

About the other guys…

There’s several unknown or forgotten chumps around. The blind black dude and Gin haven’t done anything in years, Aizen just sits there in his stupidly oversized couch, then there’s the bunch of female Espada that haven’t even seen. And when the hell are we gonna see Number 1?

Speaking of bad guys, Grimmjow SO goddamn needs to either die or join Ichigo already. Yes, he’ll become either Renji 2.0 or fertilizer, I don’t fucking care, JUST GET OVER HIM ALREADY.

And we get to Nell, Yoruichi 2.0. I don’t mind her really. I liked her as a little tagalong only because she provided the aforementioned comic relief, and her telling Orihime to suck up her fear was nice. I also liked how she keeps her behaviour as a grown up. What bothers me is that she’s been on for three chapters and she’s ALREADY falling in the women-are-useless mold. I really hope she gets to kill someone important by the time this is over, because we already have Orihime and Rangiku for useless boob carriers and Rukia for useless female love-interest sidekick.

Rant end.

You guys dislike One Piece? Yes, it’s far too long and some consider it too goofy, but it’s probably one of the best “shonen” out there, if you’re into that kind of manga/anime. It takes a while to enjoy it, though.

Like I said, I stopped at 30 when I couldn’t put up with more of the Skiepiea’s shit. I have repeatedly heard it gets better, so that’s why I decided not to say anything.

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I have never gotten into Naruto, and right about now I’m glad I have. I saw, like, two episodes back when it first started and didn’t really like the look of it. Bleach I got into right away when the anime started. I avoided One Piece for YEARS mostly because the art style put me off… but also because of the bad reputation it got due to 4Kids’s crappy job dubbing it. Now that Funimation has it picked up, I’m hoping it can build a better reputation over here. So far I’m impressed with it. It’s just a shame that Funi has to start up right before the weakest arc in One Piece. But, once they get through that it’ll be smooth sailing.

Totally agree with you there. There was a bit of humor around before the Hueco Mundo arc started up while Ichigo was with the Vizards. Not a lot, but it was nice.

It’s been argued to death already on every Bleach forum in existance… but that doesn’t mean you’re not right. I’m still hoping for Kubo to throw us a curve ball, but I think he used up his ability to be really surprising when he revealed Aizen as the villain.

I miss the time when Chad was thought of as strong and intimidating. Which was, what, episodes 1-6? He was used as a barometer in the current arc, just like the SS arc. He decimated everything in his way, until he encountered the first Captain/Espada and got swatted in one shot. Just to show the readers how much MORE POWERFUL (OVER 9000) the REAL enemies are. I really, REALLY hope he’ll get back up and do something meaningful before this arc is over, but I’m not counting on it. His loss to Nnoitra especially hurt given the fanfare over his new powerup, which he got the very chapter before.

If they get any more time, it’ll be in the Winter War. Same for the Vizards. Presuming it still happens, anyway. The current arc feels like filler before the real showdown. My own theory is that Kubo had planned to end Bleach after the Winter War, and was pressured to keep it going as long as possible, so he made up this HM bullshit to make the series last longer, which is probably why it all feels so familiar.

If Nel manages to defeat Nnoitra, I can forgive much of this arc. If only because it will be a rather major victory NOT in Ichigo’s hands.

Though chances are Ulquiorra will get out of his plot box immediately following that, causing Nel to run with Ichigo then put him through a training montage where he gets, like, Vizard Bankai or whatever the hell he needs to defeat Ulquiorra and end the arc with some surprising plot twist.

It’d be worth it to start reading OP after Skypiea. It really, really is a bad arc, but what follows it is pure gold. Hell, even the Davy Back Fight mini-arc that immediately follows Skypiea is far better than that entire saga. Foxy kicks ass.

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I don’t think it’s possible for me to agree more about Bleach. Hell, I even enjoyed the post-Bount filler episodes of the anime because it wasn’t endlessly drawn out fights and instead went for comedy with characters who weren’t Ichigo’s inner circle of friends. Especially the Hitsugaya and Karin soccer episode.

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I enjoyed about the first 20 episodes of Bleach, the four or so episodes where Ririn, Claude, and Nova were the “bad guys”, and maybe three in the middle. The rest are completely useless. Although I’m still watching it for some completely whacked-out reason. I must be a closet masochist.

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I think about midway through your post, SE, I got the impression that Naruto somehow physically manifested itself and murdered your loved ones. :stuck_out_tongue:

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Bleach filler is really hit or miss… more miss than hit.

I agree with Cid that I really preferred the Bount arc when the Modsouls were the bad guys (Except that Ririn had that obnoxious giggle).

The fillers in the middle of the Karakura Arrancar stuff were so-so. The Soccer ball episode was alright, the Kon one… not so much.

There’s more filler coming up now, as well. This one seems to be a full-blown mini arc that Kubo has reportedly designed. It’ll be called Forest of the Menos, it’ll go on for an undetermined amount of episodes, taking place before Ichigo and the others enter Las Noches. I’m kind of looking forward to this, in a way, if only because we’ll see more of the group together (more chances for interaction and comedy, particularly with Nel, Pesshe and Dondochakka) before they split up like a bunch of Scoobies. Though I’m probably just getting my hopes up.

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I should note, though, that I saw the Bleach movie a week or two ago and was struck by how bittersweet it was. The story was quite touching, and it actually explored some angles which the series has largely been ignoring for the last, oh, 130 episodes. There were some scenes that were absolutely beautiful.

I always hate it more when a piece of media squanders its potential (see: Kingdom Hearts) than when it has no potential at all. 8-(

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The shinigami cup bits at the end of the episodes are usually good for a laugh. I think that’s the main reason I haven’t given up on the anime yet. I haven’t given up on the manga yet because I hope Tatsuki will return one day.

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I’m so glad that Flame of Recca was one of the first mangas I read. It’s pretty great.

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SPOILERS FOR THE LATEST BLEACH RAW:

Holy shit Kubo actually listened to me. Quick! Everyone complain about how loads of full frontal nudity would improve the story!

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Not of the old guy commander of the Shinigami or that furry guy, though. Think with cautioun, Seraphim.

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I REALLY hope that is the real Kenpachi and not just another ‘inner world’ experience for Ichigo because if it is it means the Arc is FINALLY starting to become unpredictable compared to the SS arc, which is the one thing Bleach really needs right now, an end to redundancy.

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Holy crap on this week’s Bleach.

Spoiler Pic #1

Spoiler Pic #2

Spoiler Pic #3

Spoiler Pic #4

Spoiler Pic #5

So it really WAS the real Kenpachi, and not just Ichigo’s inner world being a dick again. And, not only Kenpachi, but Byakuya, Mayuri, and Unohana. Isane is there too, but she’s not seen in the pictures. This was really surprising.

Byakuya is there to save Rukia and fight the black Espada, whose name is something like Zomari Lulu, and he’s revealed to be the 7th Espada. That means now that the top three are Halibel, Stark, and the old guy. Kenpachi is, of course, going to be fighting Nnoitra, and he seems to have killed Tesla in this chapter as well. Yachiru might also be there, and that could lead to some cute interaction with Nel.

But, seriously, Mayuri coming to Ishida’s rescue (and Renji) and fighting Szayel almost seems like it’s out of a fanfic. And what is up with his new appearance?! As if he couldn’t have gotten freakier. He’s Captain Pharaoh Clown now! Unohana and Isane coming to Chad’s aid is just kinda strange, they’ve never at all interacted before. However he and Rukia are the most injured, so it makes sense that she’d go after one of them first. Unohana states she’s not there to fight, only to heal, but we’ll have to see how well the Executors behave. I’m also wondering if Chad will insist on saving Gatenbein too.

Anyway, I’m actually finding myself excited about Bleach again. Up until now the Hueco Mundo arc just seemed like it was totally recycling the Soul Society arc’s biggest events. I thought for sure I was going to guess where it was going to go next, and then Kubo pulls this. It’s good to know he can still surprise us.