my FFXI fanfic

Okay, since i dont know how to post it straight up, i guess i’ll make it attachment in .txt fomrant.

now, remember, this is only chapter 1, and it being fan fiction, not everything about the plot will coincide with the actual game. It is not based on any gaming experiance(so far) but i may drop in some (I will make a note to point out this if it happens)

I read the posts concerning constructive criticism, and since is the first piece of work of mine i have ever allowed other human beings to read… i hope it’s satisfying, but any pointers would be appreciated, and any spelling errors i MUST know about, or if i misused certain words. I don’t wanna make myself look like a dumbass, but if i do, i wanna be able to change my ways, and possibly become a smartass… Though i mostly write to appease my own imagination, i would also like to satisfy the readers of my work… enjoy.

Now, notes on my actual story. It is set in the world of Vana’diel, thats FF11. I have yet to come up with a title for the whole story, but this first chapter is called “Only The Begining”. I know there is a distinct lack of action, but there will certainly be some once Arioch, the main charcter, gets out and explores the world. This story is abot his exploration, so i cannot say for certain exactly how long or how short it will be…

I’m afraid I don’t know anything about that FF, but I did look it over. If I had to give any pointers, I’d say slow it down a little bit and use more detail. You write a good amount about the things that can be seen, but you don’t link much between each event, things seem to happen to him very quickly. Some more insight into his state of mind would be a nice filler.

thanks Caleb, i have been writing the 2nd chapter trying to do what you said. I hope it’s better… i should have it ready to post here about the middle of next week.

NOTES: While i tried to keep Caleb’s advice in mind, there are still traits about the characters personalities that i dont quite wish to reveal yet. There are certain elements i want people to question like “is he a dumbass, or what ?” and “why is this guy such a bastard?” That being said, lets move on. I am still adjusting to posting fanfic, so if there’s any more advice someone could give on the format, i would greatly appreciate it. Anywho, here’s Chapter 2, i hope it’s a good 'un.

Chapter 2: Between Bastok and Selbina

					1
The caravan pulled out at a nice fast pace. The horizon passed by Arioch’s coach rather quickly, and soon, the big city of Bastok was just a gleam in the horizon. The trip was quiet, for all the noise. There were only five carts, and each only had a single driver, and the driver Arioch sat with didn’t talk much. 

The sun was just starting to set, when Tiell called the caravan to a halt. They formed a circle, and a fire was made in the center, where a pot of beans was set to cook. Arioch just watched the other work.

Haziel walked up, “Nice sunset, dontcha think ?” he said.

Arioch smiled watching it, “Yes, it’s nice.”

Elizar pulled the head of his robe back, “Yes, it makes me wish I was home.”

For a long moment, they just stood there watching as if in a trance. Haziel snapped out of it first, “I take first watch, then Arioch. You get your rest Elizar, okay ?”

Elizar nodded and turned away, “That food smells nice after a day of riding.”

Arioch turned to go too, but Haziel took his arm, “Just a second, cub.”

Arioch turned his head, “What ?”

“You ever stand guard before ?” Haziel asked him.

Arioch shook his head, “No, but it shouldn’t be too hard. You just sit around and look for things.”

Haziel laughed, “Well, that’s the basics. Ya need to be alert, and ready for danger.” He reached out and touched Arioch’s crossbow, “can you shoot that thing worth a damn ?”

Arioch shrugged, “I never shot it before.”
Haziel burst out laughing, “You were taking a weapon into possible battle, and never even tested it ?”

Arioch blushed, he was getting angry a being laughed at. “Well, I was in the city, I never got the chance.”

“Well, take it off and get it ready…” he pointed. “You see that tree there ? Put a bolt in it”

Arioch looked, and in the dimming light, he could see it. He cocked the string back on his crossbow, and slipped a quarrel onto it. He pulled the trigger and fired it/ The bolt skipped off the side of the tree and went into the weeds.

Haziel shrugged, “Tough luck, you could use some practice, son.”

Arioch went looking for his bolt, “Well, I can barely see the damned thing. It is almost dark, you know.” 

Recovering his crossbow bolt, they went back to the fire.

“Ahh, smells good,” Haziel said squinting in the firelight.

“Sure is,” Tiell said, “It’ll be better tomorrow !”

“Why ?” Arioch asked, dipping out a bowl.

“Hunger is the best spice, and this time tomorrow, you’ll be starving.” Haziel said with a grin.

Soon, the drivers were asleep, and Tiell along with them. Arioch, Haziel, and Elizar sat around the dying campfire. It was a silent, almost spiritual moment. 

“What are you guys plans ?” Arioch asked, looking into the fire.

Haziel who had his hat pulled low over his face sat up, “What do you mean ?”

Arioch shook his head, “What are you guys planning for the future. I mean, you got dreams, right ?”

Haziel laughed, “my dreams ? Well. A nice beachfront in Windurst with a couple mithran’s to keep my warm at night would be nice” 

Arioch smiled, he had a little mithra girlfriend when he was a kid. “That sounds nice. How about you, Elizar ?”

The Elvaan shook his head, “While my desires aren’t so carnal as our ranger friend. I wish to see my nation at peace. I even became a white mage so that I could help orchestrate peace between the nation, so that my children do not grow up to see war.”

Haziel snorted, “Selfless enough dream, but wish with one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up faster. How about you kid, why did you decide to go stomping around in the weeds ?”

Arioch shrugs and thought about it, “I don’t know. I guess I just want to go places and see new things. I never really thought about it.”

Haziel laughed, “a true greenhorn adventurer.”

Arioch just as there, looking into the fire. 

“Well gentlemen. I am going to turn in for the night. I shall see you in the morning.” Elizar said, getting up. He left and the night grew ever more silent.

Haziel took a flask out of his pocket and took a quick drink. “Drink ?” he asked, holding the flask out.

Arioch nodded, “Sure.” and caught it when Haziel threw it to him.

He took a drink, and the liquid inside burned his mouth and throat. Haziel started laughing, “Easy now, Gyshal Whiskey is pretty pricey in most cities. You’ve already had enough to knock a taru-taru out.”

Arioch screwed the cap on between coughs. “Damn,” he said, barely able to speak at all. Haziel was still laughing as he took the flask and dropped it back into his jacket. 

After a few minutes, Arioch’s senses seemed to sharpen. “What the hell.” 

Haziel laughed, “You’re buzzin kid, another drink and you’ll be so jacked up you cant even walk.”

Arioch looked around, “It feels like I can see everything for miles. Does it make you see in the dark ?”

Haziel said, “Nope, but I can see in the dark anyways.”

Arioch looked over at him. “What do you mean ?”

He looked up into the sky, “I got what humans call Darksight. The elves call it Heimdall’s Blessing. That’s why I’m so good at shooting Galka thumbs off in dark alleys.”

Arioch looked at Haziel with a newfound respect, “So, you can see in the dark..”

“Like it was daytime,” Haziel finished for him, “But the downside is, light hurts my eyes. This fire isn’t bright enough to do much, but the sun, especially reflecting off water, really hurts.”

Arioch thought for a minute, enjoying this calm detachedness. “Hey, I have a cousin in Mauhra who works at the blacksmith guild shop there. Maybe I could get him to sell you some of their goggles. Their made to block  bright lights.”

Haziel looked over at Arioch, his eyes smiling, “You should get some sleep now, I got the first watch.”

Arioch stretched out and set his head on a nice warm rock and dozed off almost immediately. Haziel got up, and disappeared into the night.



				2

He awoke that morning to Elizar shaking him gently. “It’s time for breakfast, then we move out. Haziel has made some pheasant for us.”

Arioch sat up and rubbed his eyes. It was still in the pre-dawn twilight. Fog enshrouded all the hills, making them look like mountains. Somewhere he heard an owl hoot. Looking up, he noticed Haziel heard it too. Haziel caught his eye and smiled.

Arioch stood up and stretched. He took a deep breath of the morning air. 

The roasted pheasant tasted pretty good. It had a nice smoked taste, and a few spices. Tiell was busy talking to Haziel, so Arioch smiled and rubbed his belly to express what he though. Haziel just winked, and pretended to be listening. Pretty soon the fire was kicked out, the wagons hitched to the chocobos, and they were going down the road again. 

It was going to be a hot day in South Gustaburg, as the sun slowly climbed into the sky. The wagons stopped at noon, and the Chocobos were given water. Haziel took a swig from his flask and held it out for Arioch. He shook his head “no” and the Ranger laughed as he put it back into his jacket. Haziel pulled his hat down and the caravan set off again. 

Heading North now, making okay time. A couple riding chocobos waved as they passed, and shouted the blessings of some god to the caravan. But that was all that happened, it was a very boring trip. 

They stopped at dusk, the Chocobos left to wander in a make-shift stable. 

“Well, it looks like we are making good time. We’ll cross the bridge tomorrow, and be a good ways into Konschtat before we have to tie in for the night.” Tiell was saying as Haziel was building the fire. “Yes, that we will. Then that next day, we’ll be in Valkrum ! Cursed place if you ask me. That place gets worse and worse each time I pass through.”

“Sure does,” Haziel said, rising from the small fire. He took out his flask and poured a little on to give it a little boost. Laughing, he slipped it back into his jacket. He walked over to Arioch.

“You got watch tonight. Kay ?” He said. “Running all day on a cure spell isn’t healthy, sleep is what the body needs.”

“Sure, no problem.” Arioch told him.

Elizar walked up, “Be wary, we are farther from Bastok now than we were last night. I am only an apprentice.” 

Arioch looked at him, “Apprentice what ?”

The Elvaan didn’t look away from the setting sun, “I am a white mage. Apprentice to the Citadel of Altana.”

Arioch smiled, “ohh really ? Why are you all the way out here ? Isn’t the church in San d’Oria ?”

Elizar nodded, “Yes, it is. I am on a pilgrimage to spread the word of paradise and employ my services where most needed.”

“Hey kid, c’mere.” Haziel shouted from the dinner pot. “Dinners done, you should get your fill before that Elvaan eats it all.”

Elizar snorted, “It is you humes who consume more. How much do you weigh ?”

Haziel laughed, “Well it’s done, come get it.”

The meal was eaten quickly, as everyone was hungry. And well into the night, the coach drivers were fast asleep. Tiell, Elizar, Arioch, and Haziel were sitting around the fire. It was quiet.  Tiell for once, kept silent.

Finally, he stood and said goodnight, and walked towards where the other drivers were sleeping.

“Well, looks like quite a night. Not even a the night hawks are squalling.” Haziel said. “Well gentlemen, this day as me plum tuckered. I’m off to bed too.”

“I must say my prayers and rest as well.” Elizar rose and went towards his blanket. He knelt, and said his prayers. Kneeling next to his blanket, and speaking in some language Arioch had never heard before. 

The teachings to Altana were not lost to Arioch, but he never studied much religion. He was taught to pray to Leviathan. The Guide of the Sea. Out here, the god of the sea seemed far away.

He stared at the crackling fire, watching it burn down. Minutes seemed to pass like hours, and the hours seemed eternal. He stood up and stepped out of the light into the darkness. Finding a nice rock to pee on, he relieved himself gratefully. He had just tied his pants when a small motion caught his eyes. 

Arioch crouched down, and watched. Nothing seemed to be there. He was about to rise and go back to camp when he seen it again. He still couldn’t make out what was moving, but there was definitely more than one. One of the shadows slowly slit towards the camp, and as it drew into the light, Arioch got a good sight of it.

It was a small goblin. Standing about three feet tall, they were incredibly strong. Undoing it’s dagger, it crept towards where the others were sleeping.

Heart beating, and sweat dripping, Arioch pulled his own dagger out of his sheath and tried to think of what to do next. He shouted.

“INTRUDER IN CAMP!”

Haziel was out of his bed in a moment, and a small crossbow sang into the night. The goblin grunted as a small dart sized crossbow bolt imbedded into it’s right eye. It ran directly to where Arioch was waiting, but that wasn’t all.

Two giant Quadav wielding swords ran into the camp straight for Haziel. Quadav were like giant turtles. They had a thick protective shield, and just enough intelligence to use swords and shields. Some were even able to use primitive magic. 

Arioch didn’t think, he jumped out of his cover and kicked the goblin in the head. It was like kicking a large rock, but the creature fell back unconscious. 

One of the drivers let out a yell as another goblin jumped out of the shadows into the midst of them. There was a flash of light, and one of the Quadavs collapsed. Haziel jumped to the side as the remaining Quadav swung it’s sword at him. He parried the next.

“Bastard” he shouted at the giant turtle. 

Arioch ran up behind the monster and jammed his knife into it’s leg. There was a screech of pain, and the monster swing his sword. Arioch jumped back enough to keep from getting killed, but the blade slashed through his armor and left a large scratch across his chest. 

Elizar was swinging his staff at the other goblin, trying to keep it’s attention away from the panicking drivers. The Elvaan easily parried each of the monsters attacks and dealt a nice counter strike each time. 

Haziel slipped another dart onto his hand crossbow. He planted the bolt into the back of the Quadavs head, and the beast collapsed foreword. The remaining goblin, seeing that his friends were slain turned to run away. But Arioch who has recovered his own crossbow took aim. He breathed steadily as he fore the bolt into the things back. 

The creature howled and fell down, still kicking and thrashing with it’s arms. Arioch was still holding his bow up and looking at the dead goblin when Haziel walked over.

“Nice work kid. Took ya long enough to shoot, but that hit was dead on.” He grinned and punched Arioch in the arm.

“I did it.” Arioch said, a look of surprise on his face. He left hand went to his chest as if to scratch it, and when he pulled it away the look of surprise turned into a look of horror. 

There was another bright light, and Arioch felt a warmness wash that couldn’t help but made him shiver pass through his bones, stilling the pain of his wound. He looked over at Elizar who only smiled, “Altana has blessed us with a worthy companion.”

Arioch looked down at his chest. Sticking his finger through the gaping hole of his leather jerkin, he wiped away the blood to reveal a nicely healed scar. He laughed out loud like a madman, and after a moment, Haziel joined him. 

“Wh-What do ya, ya wanna do with this one ? We can’t just leave him, what if he wakes up and goes to tell them where we are ? What if there are more of them !” Tiell rambled on in a panic.

Haziel cocked his little hand crossbow and handed it to the man. Tiell just looked at it. “What do you. What do you want me to do with that ?” He said with a look of puzzlement. 

Haziel sighed, “Well, we cant let it go, and since you were the one to point this fact out to us, you get the honors of putting him down.”

Tiell look shocked, and scared. “P-putting him d-down ? I can’t ! He’s asleep !”

Haziel growled, “He didn’t seem to mind you being asleep now did he ? So go on, kill the little bastard. He’d do it to you.”

Elizar and Arioch just watched this. Neither knew what to do or say, but Haziel was getting out of hand. 

Tears streaked Tiell’s face. He was babbling many incoherencies about “never killed anything” and such. It was a horrid display of cowardice. Haziel lowered his hand and shot the dart into the unconscious goblins head. It lurched in a sudden spasm, then lie still. 

A stone look was on Haziel’s face. He reloaded the hand-crossbow. “They eat children.” He said, and then disappeared into the night.

The camp was filled with silence. “I’m gonna go after him.” Arioch said. Picking his knife up off the ground, he wiped it off and put it back in it’s sheath. He reloaded his bow and set off in the same direction Haziel left from.

		3

The night outside of camp was cold. Gustaberg was a very dry land. Not quite a dessert, but not exactly lush. The dirt was red, and the trees were mostly bare. The grass came in clumps and patches here and there. It was a fairly desolate land.

Arioch kept walking, looking for Haziel. Although they had just met, Arioch considered him a friend. He knew he could trust Haziel, and hoped that he had just proven that Haziel could trust him. The night seemed to deepen, and Arioch stopped. He looked up into a tree and seen a giant owl looking down at him.

Time seemed to stop as they made eye contact. The owl’s giant eyes seemed to probe deep into Arioch’s mind. The hairs on the back of Arioch’s neck stood up, and he heard a strange buzzing noise in his ears. The sound seemed to drown out everything else. 

Arioch was frozen with panic at this strange sensation, and just like that it ended. A small pebble bounced off his head snapping him out of the trance. He looked around for the source and spotted Haziel hunched down in some thick brush. He motioned for Arioch to lower himself.

Arioch did, and practically crawled to where Haziel was hiding.

“You almost walked into them.” He said.

Arioch was dumbfounded, still muddled from the strange feeling that had just come over him. “Who ?”

“Them,” Haziel pointed down a small hill. 

Arioch stared to where he pointed, and waited fro his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He was about to give up on seeing anything when he seen movement, and heard a very inhuman guttural voice.

“Goblins !” he said, “how many are there ?”

“Two,” Hazield whispered. “One has a crossbow, and the other a small axe. Here’s what I want you to do. I want you to be as quiet as you can, and circle to the right. Okay ?”

Arioch nodded.

“And then when I shoot the goblin holding the crossbow, we may flush the other one out of his spot. Your job is to dispatch that one. Got it ?”

Arioch nodded.

“Repeat the plan to me.” Haziel said.

Arioch rolled his eyes, “I said I got it.”

Haziel just looked at him.

“Okay. I am to sneak to the right, and attack the goblin when it jumps out.” Arioch whispered.

“Okay, good. Now go… “

Arioch crept away, staying low and out of the goblins sight. How well could goblins see in the darkness anyways ? No use taking risks. He looked up to make sure he was where he needed to be. How would Haziel know he was ready ? 

But somehow he did. There was a small “plink” and there was a growl that filled the night. Arioch jumped up at the same time his goblin did. They seen each other, and the goblin made a charge. 

The goblin was incredibly fast for it’s size, and Arioch didn’t have time to aim. He fired his crossbow and caught the goblin in the chest. It grunted, but didn’t slow it’s pace. Arioch was shocked, and didn’t know what else to do. He pulled his dagger and threw the crossbow at the creature. 

The crossbow bounced off the things forehead with a metallic ‘clang’ and didn’t faze it. The beast swing it’s axe. Arioch jumped back and barely missed being gutted. The goblin swing again and missed.

Arioch didn’t know how to strike back, this thing was faster than he anticipated. All he seemed to be able to do was avoid getting gored. Finally his chance came. 

The goblin swung the axe, and Arioch dodged and slamed his foot down on it causing the goblin to drop it. The goblin growled, and from somewhere  drew a knife that he couldn’t see. The goblin buried the knife into Arioch left shoulder.

Arioch screamed with pain, and at the same time buried his dagger into the goblins neck. He pulled out and jammed again. The goblin let go of both the dagger and the axe to hold it’s own throat. It fell back, kicking and convulsing on the ground as it’s thick black blood spilled from it’s body. 

Arioch watched it die. He gripped the knife in his shoulder, and winced at the pain. 

“Stuck ya good, huh ?” Haziel said, walking up.

Arioch nodded, “Yes, son of a bitch hurts.”

Haziel grabbed ahold of the small knifes handle. “This is really going to hurt.” He jerked the knife free from Ariochs shoulder, and blood poured out of the wound like an open sieve. Arioch growled at the pain and tried to hold the blood in with his hand. It wasn’t working so well. Haziel pulled a small bottle form one of his many inner pockets and took the stopper off of it. 

“This is a special healing draft from the Church of Altana. Very rare and expensive. I’m going to give your wound a drop of it, in case that goblin diseased his blade. It wont do to have you lose your arm from that little poke. Okay ?”

“Yes, whatever.” Arioch took his hand down so Haziel could work. A single drop fell from the bottle, and when it hit, it felt like someone had dropped a lit matched on it. It felt like fire enveloped his whole shoulder. After a few moment, the fire seemed to die, and left his whole left side numb. 

“No use asking the mage to cure this one, he’d probably exhausted from the spells he did use.” He held a small herb up, “This is known as Professing Sage, you pack wounds with this to speed the healing.”

He  began packing the leaves of the herb into Arioch’s numb shoulder. “This is known as Fake Skin.” he said holding up a small square of what looked like a piece of skin. “It’s from a rare cactus, it also helps the healing.” He set the ‘Fake Skin’ to cover the wound, and smoothed it out. 

Now taking a bandage roll, he carefully wrapped Arioch’s shoulder. “There we go. Now how do you feel ?”

Arioch shrugged his good shoulder, “Like I could use a drink from that silver flask of yours.”

Haziel laughed and gave Arioch a hand up, “When we get back to camp, you can drink the whole thing if you so desire “ Haziel knelt down and took a few coins from the dead goblins pockets. “You know, you really should try to avoid fighting, getting hurt two times in one night is bad luck!”

Arioch grinned, “But I’m a hell of a lot luckier than these, huh ?”

Haziel laughed again at the young man. “You’re learnin kid, learnin good.”

And together they walked back to camp.


	4

“Wake up, or we’re gonna leave without ya.” Haziel said, prodding him in the ribs with his foot.

Arioch opened his eyes, and immediately closed them. The pounding in his head was made more intense by the blazing morning sun. He felt like vomiting.

“Just let me die” he said. 

Haziel poured some water from his pouch on Arioch’s head. “Get up, there’s work to do.”	

Arioch hated it, but out of a sheer force of will, he forced himself to sit up. The golden sun was beating down, and Gustaberg was already heating up. Arioch stood up, his shoulder throbbing and his head pounding, and rolled his blanket up one handed. 

He tossed all of his gear into the wagon behind the seat, and pulled himself up with one arm. Groaning at the strain it seemed to put on his whole body. He felt like he could die. His whole left arm ached, his head every time he opened his eyes, his right leg felt like he’d jammed it. And to top it all off, he wanted to throw up. 

The caravan set off again. A slow pace, perhaps for his benefit, who knows. They weren’t moving for very long when they stopped at a waterfall. The Drenchfall. It was a wonderful sight. It even made Arioch forget about his physical pains. He inhaled the misty water. It was a nice moment. But the moment passed as Haziel shouted. “Move out.”

The Drenchfall behind them, they pushed on. And soon, they entered the Highlands of Konschtat.