I have come here to tell you of my BRILLIANT NEW DIET PLAN that could get YOU- yes YOU to lose weight in a matter of weeks! And the best part is- you can eat ANYTHING YOU WANT! YES! THAT’S RIGHT! ANYTHING AT ALL- AND YOU’LL STILL LOSE WEIGHT!
How? The process is quite simple, although it will take you fifty books, three seminars, and two aromatheric compact disks to do… but it’s SO EASY!
You can eat ANYTHING YOU WANT- yes ANYTHING- as long as you have five carrots a day. Here are some testimonials:
I’ve been on the Rountreh Diet for only a week now, and I’ve lost over 300 pounds! That’s right, I used to weigh a big fat ol’ 115, but since I started eating whatever I wanted and only five carrots a day, I now weight a much slimmer -185! It is so much easier to fit into the [STRIKE]skanky[/STRIKE] skimpy clothes I love now! Thank you, Rountreh Diet!
My diet plan consisted of heavy heroin usage. After I overcame my addiction, moved me to the zombie diet. That is parts of my flesh were consumed by zombies. This is a picture of the zombie he used to get rid of all that unessecary flesh.
I recomend the treatment. Remember to take your vitamin supplements as well, or you will become one of the walking dead!
I was on the Rountree diet once, but I had to stop because I figured I was going too far when I found myself waking up in empty carrot farm fields each morning for a continous 5 weeks straight. Yeah, that’s right kids, the Rountree diet can lead to morbid carrot consumption, turning the average fatman into a carrot devouring rabbit monster.
Friends don’t let friends start the Rountree diet… Start the Gila diet instead, which consists of yams. Yams produce active enzymes in your body that use small microscopic pickaxes to pick at your body fat and mine it for minerals, which will be sent to the overlords…errr, I mean, yep.
I’m thinking of going on Amerycinsycho old diet plan this summer. It consistes of consuming nothing but cigarettes, dill pickle chips, and various american beer for 3 months. This way you loose your apitie for everything and either loose a lot of weight due to scurvy and gutrot.