Ma FF10-2 fanfic Ch. 3


The Trio was taken aback, looking at the bloodstains on his shirt.
“This is not a bullet wound,” Paine remarked.
She pulled up the back of his shirt to reveal two claw marks, blood still dripping from them.
“Well, they could either be one hell-of-a fiend, or Leblanc’s Syndicate”, Paine said.
As Paine was giving the body an autopsy, a Ronso walked up. He was very short, even for Ronso standards. His horn was surprisingly short and he wore similar clothing every Ronso youth wore.
“ Oh, hello Yushin. What brings you here”, yuna asked.
“Yushin worry about Yuna. Yushin see Sphere hunters come kill man. Yuna not safe.”
“Don’t worry Yushin, we’ll be fine.
“Goodbye Yuna, Yushin try to find sphere hunters.”
As Yushin walked off, Yuna could tell he was worried. He had known Yuna ever since she had become High Summoner. Yushin looked up to Yuna, and hoped he could be just like her. As the former High Summoner walked off with the Al Bhed and the Mystery Woman, she saw a broken claw lying on the ground.
“Obviously a Syndicate talon”, Paine noted.
“Possibly, but it could be something else. Let’s see what we can find out”, Yuna suggested. They figured the Syndicate might still be in the area, looking for the sphere that they picked up earlier.
“Yuna! Look out! Rikku said suddenly.
She wheeled around to face a large Zu, and jumped back. The Girls gave each other a nod, and removed their weapons. And then, the battle had started…

To Be Continued…

Generally, the plot is good. But you’re moving way too fast; a ronso comes up, Yuna knows him just like that, no backstory, he leaves without discussion, doesn’t protest when the girls won’t accept his help. Try to evolve things a bit more.

Also, look for small errors such as lost " and capital letters.

Righto! thanks for the critisism! Any other commens are welcome, and I’ll see what i can do about Yushin