Lightbulb jokes

This thread is for the sharing of any lightbulb jokes you know. Here’s a few of my favorates.

How many alchoholics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb, the other to drink until the room spins.

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
100. One to change the bulb, and the others to say “I could have done that.”

How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He holds the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many Soviets does it take to change a lightbulb.
None. In Soviet Russia, lightbulb changes you.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?
Sixteen. One to change the bulb, and the others to oooh, look, something shiny!

How many DBZ characters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but it takes three episodes.

How manyb lightbulbs does it take to make toast.?

Three! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA

How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, that’s what the lighting crew is for.

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they use candles.

How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The Unitarian Universalist Association chooses not to make a statement for or against the light bulb. If in the course of your journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to compose a poem or modern dance and present it next Sunday at our annual light bulb service, where we will explore a variety of light bulb traditions, including halogen, fluorescent, and incandescent.

Disclaimer: I am Catholic, and as such felt it that the joke is not insulting; my UU friend provided me with the other, so I believe that it would not be considered insulting either.

How many Marines does it take to change a lightbulb?

12, one to change it and 11 to say how they could have done it better.

How many cockaroaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Don’t know as soon as you turn on the light they all scatter.

How many Resident Evil players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, RE players aren’t afraid of the dark.

How many engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three; One to investigate the problem, one to come up with the solution and one to monitor the switching of the lightbulb process.

How many Yankees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three; One to hold the lightbulb and the other two to spin him around.

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

100, one to hold the lightbulb, and rest to spin the room.

How many Swedes ( Wertigons ) does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two hundred and one: One to hold the lightbulb, two hundred to spin the house.

Of course, they have an identical joke where they replace Swedes with Norwegians.

Originally posted by demigod
[b]How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The Unitarian Universalist Association chooses not to make a statement for or against the light bulb. If in the course of your journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to compose a poem or modern dance and present it next Sunday at our annual light bulb service, where we will explore a variety of light bulb traditions, including halogen, fluorescent, and incandescent.

Disclaimer: I am Catholic, and as such felt it that the joke is not insulting; my UU friend provided me with the other, so I believe that it would not be considered insulting either. [/b]

From Ontruth.com
“United Methodists - We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.”

From Some stupid geocities site

How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
500

One to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. Seven to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

Four to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seventeen to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Twenty-one to flame the spell checkers.

Forty-nine to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

Twenty to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

Thirty-two to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.

Sixty-nine to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

Forty-one to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.

106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

Twelve to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Eight to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

Two to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.

Fifteen to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, “Me Too.”

Six to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Nine to quote the “Me Too’s” and happily add, “Me Three!”

Three to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

One to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

Twenty-four to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.

Fifty-three votes for alt.lite.bulb.

How many metalheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to screw it in, and the other two to talk about how much better lightbulbs were in the eighties.

How many RPGC’ers do you need to change a light bulb?

  1. One to change the light bulb, and one to write an Essay to Cid why the light bulb is an RPG, and a third one to backup the bulb incase it crashes.

How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don’t! A burned-out lightbulb has NO honor, and a true warrior is not afraid of the dark!

How many storm troopers does it take to change a glow pannel?

Two, one to change it, the other to shoot him and take the credit.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.

How many rulers do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
None, rulers can’t move, silly goose!

How many cheerleaders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
20, 1 to hold the ladder, 1 to change it, 5 to decorate it, the rest to make a cheer in celebration of the lightbulb.

How many governors doe sit take to screw in a lightbulb?
AH-NOL DOES’N NEED TWO SCWEW IN LAYGHTBUL! AH-NUL CAN JES MAKE CaLIFOWNIA PAY MOW POWAH TO TEH EWECTWIC COMPANIES.

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three, two to make drinks, and one to call the electrician.

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It doesn’t matter. They’re too busy screwing the American people.

How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, after intuition…those darn lighbulbs are too expensive.

(and I wish that was a joke >_>; )

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. All he has to do is accuse the democrats of being “soft” on burnt out light bulbs, and 50 of them will scramble to change it for him. :smiley:

Trillian said it…
errr uhhh… letseehere.
How many Yu-Gi-Oh! people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1, but he could only manage since everyone had faith in him.

I don’t agree with half of this, but hey, we need some balance. :stuck_out_tongue:

How Many Democrats Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Answer: 5,447

14 White House aides to appear on the Sunday morning news shows denying that the bulb is burned out.

8 White House aides to blame the previous administration.

4 major news anchors to call the Republicans mean-spirited.

243 children to stand behind Clinton as he explains the impact of burned-out bulbs on our children and how the mean-spirited Republicans want our children to grow up in darkness.

l First Lady to say that changing a light bulb takes a village.

9 Hollywood stars to testify as experts because they played a movie role in which they changed light bulbs.

103 US Representatives to tell us that only Washington D.C. really knows how to change a light bulb.

1 President to tell us that he feels our darkness and has 18 new federal programs to prevent burned-out light bulbs, and that he has vivid memories of black light bulbs burning out during his childhood in Arkansas.

42 Cruise missiles to take the heat off the burned-out bulb.

1 campaign advisor to recommend the use of red light bulbs.

1 Vice-President to inform us of the environmental impact of changing a light bulb.

2 White House advisors to devise a tax on those who are unfairly able to change their own light bulbs.

1 dead White House lawyer who can be blamed for anything that can’t be pinned on the Republicans.

1 White House ghost who can retrieve the light bulb files that no one else knows anything about.

5,000 bureaucrats to make sure that the bulb is changed correctly, doesn’t offend anyone, doesn’t impact the environment, doesn’t unfairly benefit one group, doesn’t harm anyone during the installation, and is up to 1945 specifications for light bulbs.

PLUS one passing Republican to note the original bulb was not burned out. Nobody had turned on the switch.