Our story so far: for the last week or so, I’ve been posting some stories in the guise of actual journal posts.
Read those first. In any event: now I’m ready to go narrative! This chapter crossposted to DeviantArt and to my LJ.
A HL2: Deathmatch Conversation
Kevin, Naho, and I were playing a <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mod_(computer_gaming)”>mod</a> Kevin had made for <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Half-Life_2:_Deathmatch”>Half-Life 2: Deathmatch</a>. The reason it was a mod was so that Plan N could play it with us. He was playing as the entire opposing team, as well as everyone else on <i>our</i> team. And the reason for <i>that</i> was that, since he didn’t have a body to distract him, his speed and reflexes were so much better than ours that we thought it best if they were divided among nine different points of view. As it was, Naho and Plan N were in the lead.
As I navigated through the ruined tunnels of City 17 – I was playing with rebel character <a href=“http://www.hlcomic.com/cast/gord2.jpg”>Male_07</a> – I came upon one of the Plan N-controlled <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Combine_(Half-Life_2)”>Combine</a> soldiers killing one of the Plan N-controlled rebels. “I appear to have <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pwn”>pwned</a> <i>myself</i>,” remarked Plan N, pronouncing it “poned.”
“That’s almost a Zen thing,” I said, <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_Half-Life_2#Shotgun”>shotgunning</a> said Combine soldier. It collapsed in an unrealistic <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ragdoll_physics”>ragdoll-esque</a> position, its expiring exclamation a robotic-sounding <i>URGH!</i>. “And <i>you</i> got <i><a href=“http://www.hlcomic.com/index.php?date=2006-02-17”>Frohwned</a></i>. Uh, so, Naho, have you ever given thought to a last name?”
“Last name?” said Naho, blinking in confusion. “Uh … no. Why?”
I shrugged. “Well, for one thing, I think it’d make it easier for me to think of you as a person instead of, like, a <i>character</i>, or just a machine, or something. Might help other people, too.”
“That … makes sense,” said Kevin. From his computer, there was the distinctive sound of an <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_Half-Life_2#Rocket-Propelled_Grenade_Launcher_.28RPG.29”>RPG launcher</a>, followed by an explosion and an <i>URGH!</i> “What if they say, ‘oh, you’re just giving her a last name to <i>try</i> to make it look like she’s more human’?”
“Then they’re trying to argue one of her positive points as if it was a negative,” I said, switching to my <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_Half-Life_2#Submachine_Gun”>submachine gun</a> and firing its grenade launcher at a Combine soldier, who caught it with his <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_Half-Life_2#Zero-Point_Energy_Field_Manipulator_.28a.k.a._.22Gravity_Gun.22.29”>Gravity Gun</a> and lauched it back at me. The game switched to a third-person perspective as my character died with a yelp. “Hell’s bells, N, that’s exactly why we wanted you to lower your difficulty settings!”
“You mean like that?” said Naho with a smirk.
“Hey, I was talking about philosophy,” I said. “That’s game balance.”
“As for a last name,” said Kevin smoothly, “how does Entu sound? I mean, as in, using her designation as a word?”
“Great let’s do that,” I said promptly.
Kevin blinked, glancing in my direction. “What, you don’t want to hear any of my other ideas?”
I took a moment to fire a <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_weapons_in_Half-Life_2#Crossbow”>crossbow</a> at a Combine soldier from long range. “No, cuz I just <i>know</i> any other name you’re likely to come up with is going to be some kind of fanservice pun.”
“And how do you ‘just know’ this?” said Kevin indignantly.
“Because he’s spoken with you for more than five minutes at a time,” said Plan N blandly. Naho giggled.
“Yeah,” I said. “Me, I’d just come up with puns that are just plain atrocious. Like Teranderson – just so I could do <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neo_(The_Matrix)”>amusing things</a> with <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agent_Smith”>Hugo Weaving</a> voice clips …”
There were groans all around, and a coincidentally-timed <i>URGH!</i> as Plan N happened to “pwn” himself again.
The scores came up at that point; as expected, Plan N had the highest total, but since it was divided between nine different characters, Naho and Kevin came out at the top. I was in fourth place, behind one of Plan N’s soldiers. The Rebel team won.
As I was leaving to head out to my dorm room, Naho stopped me. “Say, Dylan …”
“Yeah?” I said, pausing as I put my winter coat on. Now, I’m not usually the most observant person in the universe, and I sometimes miss the subtle nuances of peoples’ facial expressions and voice, but I suddenly found myself counting up until I wanted to punch Kevin.
“Well, I went into sleep mode,” said Naho, “and I … well, suddenly it was like there was a screen saver going on or something, and there were these … robotic <i>sheep</i> running around in a field …”
<i>Seven</i>, I thought, my face going blank. “It means,” I said, “that Kevin Sanders programmed your dreams.” I turned back to the house and shouted, “KEVIN!”
