Life got ya down?

My teacher brought up this site, seems he likes to shop from it. He has one of the calenders and made us do an assignment on it…It was actually sort of interesting.

I wish my professor made me do something like that on this site…I’d have a field day. Either this site or Maddox’s.

I though you guys and gals might enjoy this, it’s a copy of the e-mail they send out regarding the status of your order, I found it cute.

E-mail 1:

Thank you for your recent order from Despair, Inc.

I’d like to personally welcome you to our growing body of
Dissatisfied Customers™, but to do so might evidence
some actual concern for service and protocol. This might
then lead to customer satisfaction, which would defeat
the purpose altogether. That is why you have received
this generic, form-generated email, written by some
nameless lackey in our marketing department.

Having established that any pretense of consideration
for your needs would be counter-productive to our
raison d’etre at Despair Inc, let us now ponder a
subject of greater interest to those among us who are
worthy of both of our collective attentions - that
person being me.

While you sit there wincing in disbelief at these
bons mots of authentic insincerity and vexed by the
intrinsic contradictions, I find I am beside myself
with awe in anticipation of the pending release of
the Despair Fall Catalog. Hardly a man given to
superlatives, I must nevertheless assert with
David-Lee-Rothian boldness that the scope and scale
of Despair’s marketing push is a very threat to
nationwide productivity. It very well may be the
worst thing to happen to the global economy since
John Galt. But I’ll not belabor the point. You’ll
see soon enough what I mean.

At long last, after this lengthy exploitation of your
attention for purely selfish marketing purposes, let
us move on to yet another advertisement for our
company.

Despair is ever consumed in the product development
process. In fact, as we speak, the small cabal of
dispirited creators have thrown themselves back into
the further development of a new series of products
wholly unrelated to Demotivators®, which are slated
for release next year, when Despair finally initiates
the long-planned Phase II.

What this is, I can not yet say. I can allow however
that members of our opt-in e-mail newsletter
“The Wailing List™” will receive not only a
sneak-preview of this mysterious initiative when
it nears release, but may also even be granted an
opportunity to participate in an unprecedented way in
the work itself. So join the list now- don’t
make us come get you.

http://www.despair.com/subscribe.html

If any of the information shown below is inaccurate,
please notify us immediately using our new Troubled Ticketing
system.

http://www.despair.com/troubtic.html

We will rectify your error immediately, and on some occasions,
without snickering.

It is the least we can do, which, as a matter of policy,
is the most we can do.

Sincerely not really writing you this email,
E.L.

E.L.Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder & COO,
Despair, Inc.

E-mail 2:

Again, thanks for your recent order from Despair, Inc.

If you have received this email, it means that your credit
card information proved valid and that your order has
been sent. You might assume now that we have your money
that you’re in for better treatment. You might also assume
that if you try really hard, you will succeed. But your
assumptions would, in both cases, be completely wrong.
And that is why you REALLY need our products.

Regardless of those sad facts, we have some good news for
you. The NEW Demotivators 2004 Calendar is available for
purchase, and volume discounts are available. See our
website for details!

In celebration of this depressing New Year, prove to your
friends, relatives and coworkers that you cared enough to
send the very worst - or that you didn’t care at all - by
giving them the gift that keeps on hurting all year long.

You’ll be sorry you did, but nowhere near as sorry as
they will be.

As always, if you have questions, please contact us at
"unfulfilled@despair.com". We’ll do our best to solve the
problem, since, you know, we already have your money.

Automatically yours,
E.L.

E.L.Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder & COO,
Despair, Inc.

:hahaha; Now I gotta but something off of that site so I can enjoy the full effect of the reply email as well.

Those emails are awesome :stuck_out_tongue: