Okay, so I have this friend Justin, who is, yes, 14, who is this happy go lucky guy most of the time, and it takes a lot to get him down, but when he’s in a low mood, reality hits him pretty hard.So bear with me, I need to vent about his behavior and see what other’s opinions on this, are:)
He was extremely dark and moody last night, and when I asked him what was wrong he admitted that he is losing a bunch of his friends (I don’t know why) and that he doesn’t have a girlfriend.:fungah: SO of course, the nice friend that I am, I tell him to buck up and get over it, since that isn’t the end of the world.But wait wait, you don’t understand.This is a guy who has rambled on, to me for nearly a year, a few nights at a time, what it means to be human, and to acknowledge human weakness and what it takes to not let things get to you.Usually, he ends up trying to sound intelligent, but completely contradicts himself.Anyways.This conversation last night turned “i don’t have a girlfriend” into “My life is falling apart and you don’t understand anything.You’re too mean”.What is with teenagers like this?I tried to get this guy that a lot more people out there have it a lot worse than him and all he can think about is if girls are checking him out or not.He’s a slightly overweight boy, and because of that his self esteem is low, but I would never hold it against him.ANYWAYS, these conversations ALWAYS turn into “my world is falling apart because I have no real friends”.it turns into debating, a little philosophy speak and life statements in general.
I try to humour him and go along with his conversations, that usually get so deep, I forget that the reason he is saying “You can’t understand me ; life has no real meaning and I am going to hell” is because he can’t find a girl who likes him.
What is with this younger kids these days?!I mean, I’m not all that much older than him, but I wasn’t like this when I was 13 and 14, meaning I did not interprete every event in my life to mean that I was either A) going to hell B) not going to live till I am 40.He can turn EVERYTHING around, every minor trivial thing into something big and drastic, such as associating getting his bookbag stolen (with his SKETCHBOOK!) with week long depressions.Why does puberty come so late with some people…I mean I know as teenagers we tend to take everything seriously and think the whole world is against us, but to think every little thing is a pitfall is a bit much.Same as a relationship.Adult relationships do not last two days, Justin.Maybe that’s your problem, you don’t LISTEN to me.
Whenever I get harsh with him and tell him he’s being a bit childish he tells me to leave him alone and he’ll deal with matters his “own special way”.Meh.Well I think I vented enough in this post.I needed it.
It happens a Lot, a year ago, i was thinking too that sort of things…like…“I’m a good for nothing” or “Life sucks!, i wanna die!”, luckily, it finished (And i’m now 14)
Well, I think everyone goes through stages of deep depression about things like that. Me especially…ahem… looks around nervously But just let him get over it in his own time. I think he will.
Well yeah, I know everyone gets depressed, that’s not what I’m saying.I’m saying well…okay wait I realized it!This guy is bipolar…his moods can change extremely fast and whenever he’s in a slump his words make no sense at all, since an hour later he’s all “ I’m over that now” and we go through it a week later.
Yes I know, but he’s so…melodramatic about it.He’s expecting too much at such an early age, and he fails to see what is wrong with his view on life.I swear, he’s like two people rolled into one, seperated by good and bad moods.It’s freaky.
It happens to about a tenth of the boys and if you try to help he’ll just be thinking in ways to conquer your heart by making you feel pity for him (I don’t get the logic of it and I thank God I never had depressions).
Anyway, the best thing to do is saying “go get a life” and walking away. I know, it seems cruel, but sometimes you have got to hurt someone in order to bring them back to the real world.
He should consider himself lucky not to have luck with the ladies, at that age love is little more than illusion, it’s more like lust since the hormonal system is starting to act up.
And some people are drama whores, it’s life for ya.
Finding a special someone is more complex that any of the mysteries of our universe…
Manus, you sound completely like him.Say something like that again and I will say something embarrassing to you
14 is a completely normal age to be going through puberty. Just because you leaking folk hit it at 9 doesn’t mean you have to be so harsh…
I meant the puberty remark as tongue in cheek.I don’t know if he actually is or not, he’s almost 15, so he should be past the whole “Nobody likes me everybody hates me” phase, but what do I know.And harsh?After listening to him droning on and on for months, it’s hard not to feel exasperated.The reason why I still enage in these discussions with him is because no one else will listen.I’m past the whole pat on the back things will get better, it seems nothing I say will help…so harsh attitude it is.
Anyway, the best thing to do is saying “go get a life” and walking away. I know, it seems cruel, but sometimes you have got to hurt someone in order to bring them back to the real world.
Yeah that’s basically what I said to him yesterday and I got the “You dont understand you’ll never be me” crap, which, at that point I am beyond saying anything helpful…:fungah:
Why ask us? Certainly this site has absolutely NO history with overblown melaudramatics, neh? No-sirree-bob… plugs up (nearly) all bodily orifices due to the amount of sarcasm leaking out
Does your friend have a bonafide diagnosed bipolar disorder? Is he on any medication?
I can’t really give advice - I think what he’s saying about not having a girlfriend is a load of crap. I have nothing against relationships, except when people say something like this that suggests they can’t exist without one. I’m not qualified to suggest any course of action, but I am convince that the reason I was able to avoid a lot of the classic teenage depression/horniness/angst is that my extremely introverted mind was more concerned with my own self than anything else. Selfishness has a negative connotation, but it means “concerned with one’s own self.” From the sound of it, your friend suffers low self-esteem partly because of self image. I think it would be a mistake to convince him to try to change his weight to fix the problem - rather he needs to reconcile his lack of confidence with himself. How to do this? I don’t really know. I’ve only done it for myself. I won’t even suggest self-help books, because there again he’d be relying on someone else to solve his problems.
Treating someone as a madman because of a depression is cruel…
Eva, I suggest that you try to help this friend find an area of interest that can make him more self-confident, so he won’t feel like that. Tell him to discover his hidden abilities.
Ahh okay maybe I shouldn’t have used the word “depression” so loosely.What I meant is that you can talk to him one hour and he’ll be fine and loving life and everything is going right and then the next he’ll have found something negative to dwell on, that allows him to focus on why humanity’s fate is sealed(or something like that…) and then you guessed it, a short time later, he’s fine and laughs off what he said before…I’m at the brunts of these little blow ups >< And I do try to help him, but it gets to a point where you simply can’t say anything more…:thud:
Don’t make yourself suffer too much to help him. Being a good friend doesn’t mean you should have to sacrifice your own happiness to help someone else - unless you don’t mind doing so (which I can understand). Maybe we’re all being to complicated about your friend - one of the simplest pieces of advice that could be given is “let him grow out of it.” Hell, it might just even work.
RPT is referring to the fact we had a fair share of cases like your friend show up here and cry us a river, not all the time was it either believable or true but still, melodrama we’ve dealt with.
And some people DO suffer from bipolar disorder Manus, and need medication so that they don’t feel like crap for absolutely no reason at all. It’s not cruel at all.
And if moodswings are strange, then you’ll never understand any woman.
Hmm no…not that I can think of.That’s his only downfall I believe the cause of all his unstableness…crazy mood swings.Might be hormones, might be something else, I don’t know.If it was something else, I’d feel pretty bad writing this thread because then I’d know that he can’t help it.But he just got like this in the last few months…
I’m over that now” and we go through it a week later.
