just something I threw together for orak's media forum and I thought I'd share

<center>Dark Revenge</center>

Daryl looked around the dark lair cautiously. Intent on destroying the vile beast that lived within. It had been 3 years since he'd last encountered him, and that was one encounter he'd never forget. Daryl clasped the locket around his kneck close to his heart. Remembered all the good times he'd had with his love sophia and then the memory of this beast this Vampire sucking her dry and throwing her lifeless corpse on the ground before him. This time the beast would not escape. Daryl checked his gear as he walked now in a trancelike state. His trusty shield strapped to his arm. His magic sword glowing with a strange light. his light armour swooshing as he walked. countless vials stakes and other vampire hunters tools were arrayed acroos his body in various belts pouches and compartments. An organ could be heard in the background playing a haunting tune. He finally reached a large oak door and with a kick it flew open. Revealing a caped figure at an organ. The figure simply spoke whiel continuing to play his haunting tune, "Daryl Daryl Daryl. You were a fool to come here. I felt sympathetic for you that day 3 years ago, but mercy is a taste I do not crave at the moment."

A high key was struck on the organ and 2 vampires jumped out of the ground on either side of daryl. One was decapitated before he could fully rise, and after Daryl quickly drew a stake with his shield arm, the other was staked through the heart. A mass of bats descended upon him as 3 giant green furry apelike creatures with muscles the size of heads charged at him. Daryl threw a bag into the air which exploded with a bright light blinding the bats and sending them crashing into each other clumsily and then made a swing at one of the creatures with his sword. The creatures hand was cut clean off but it ignored it and batted Daryl back with the bloody stump. Daryl jumped over a blow from one of the other creatures and ran his sword through it's head with a backthrust bringing it around to parry a blwo from the third creature. A few of the bats recovred from the blast and made another dive at daryl. The music began to grow intense as Daryl removed a leg off of one of the creatures and dodged aside as the bats swept down. The handless creature once again slammed his stump into darwins back sending him flying to the ground. Daryl rolled aside and the 2 creatures slammed into other, and then looking around began to pummel each other with everything they had. Daryl raised his shield and the bats slammed into it and fell to the ground stunned. The music grew to a deafening tone as Daryl finished off the last of the creatures.and suddenly the music stopped with a final note which shattered the windows in the gloomy cathedral. The vampire turned around and looked down on Daryl.

Laughing slightly the vampire took a step forward, it's chilly feminin voice echoing a long lost innocence, "I see you've been preparing for this moment. I suppose it was destined to happen eventually. Daryl, I will show you NO mercy this time." 

The vampire charged at daryl as a sword of seeming pure darkness materialized in it's hand. The 2 warriors clashed swords and the rebound sent them both flying backwards. Two mortal enemies in a fight to the death, one of them would not leave here alive. Daryl winced in pain as the sword stripped away the skin on his shoulder and left a black festering wound but continued to fight one getting a slash in that removed a section of the vampires cumbersome cloak. The vampire heald up its left hand and a blast of fire shot out and incinerated Daryl's upheld shield the vampire swatted Daryl back and he fell to the ground with the vampires point at his head for a split second before it paused. Daryl rolled to the side and quickly grabbed a pouch from his side and swallowed the contents. The vampire looked down at him, "No I will not kill you Daryl. I will make you mine." The vampire blinked seemingly to non existance and appeared behind daryl and quickly bit into his exposed neck and as soon as it drew blood it screemed and backed away, "What have you done to yourself. This is poison. No this was not how it was supposed to work out."

Daryl stared at the vampire a smug smile on his face as the life poured out of him, "I knew I wolud not be able to defeat you. But I have taken you down with me."

Tears flew forth from behind the cloak of the vampire as it staggerred it's hood sliding away, "We were supposed to be togethor, forever." The hood slid back revealing the face of a beutiful woman, skin paled with age but Daryl's eyes shot open as the vampire fell to the ground lifeless.

Daryl said on final shocked word before falling dead, "Sophia?"

An fair story with a nice twist at the end, but it is unfortunately marred by poor punctuation. Many instances have periods in place of commas, throwing off the flow of the story, and in a few instances they are completely lacking. Also, there are a number of occasions containing awkward descriptions. This could be a very good short story if it were editted.

The story’s probably not bad, but I advise you to go through a spellchecker, because it was ruined for me by the punctuation. Punctuation tells the reader when to stop, when to expect a pause. Your seem disjointed and awkward. Also gives it an uprofessional feel.