Ironheart: Messiah of peace.

Given my track record of literary work I don’t think I deserve to write here, but meh. This is another one of my short pieces, but don’t be dishartened it’s not THAT short, but it’s not an epic either.

 As soon as Ironheart saw him he knew he was special. The moment D.E.S.P.A.I.R's forces had breached the barrier chaos ruled. The soldiers patrolled the broken streets killing all in their path, until they reached a weeping boy. This boy was special, he was a fighter. Even as the soldiers walked towards him, guns beared he wouldn't leave his mother. She was dead, Ironheart saw this, but the kid wouldn't believe it. The kid was a fighter alright, even as they dragged him away he resisted, kicking and screaming, even knocking one of the soldiers unconcious with his thrashing. Ironheart shouted to the soldiers to put him down. As soon as they did the sobbing boy ran towards Ironheart and landed a punch on the Colonel. Private Golf flinched at the sight of the blow; the kid was strong. But Ironheart  didn't even blink. He simply produced a pistol and pointed it at the boys face.

“Dismissed, Privates.” As they walked away Ironheart sheathed his pistol. The gibbering orphan stared into the ice cold eyes of the Colonel.
“What are you doing? Why? Why me? Why my mother? WHY?”
He screamed in pain, the impatient Colonel had no time for whining teens and showed this with a short sharp backhand to the orphans face.
“Wake up jackass. Your life is over. Come with me.” He grabbed the boy and tugged him to a bunker. Inside where soldiers; all ranks and classes. This was where D.E.S.P.A.I.R had set up HQ.
“You know we’re at war kid? You know why? I’ll tell ya something, war sucks. Most of the time war is a way for petty dictators to gain more land or wealth, but once in a while we fight for something; something so important we will die for it. Kid, my name’s Colonel Rolf Jenkins. But everyone calls me Ironheart. You know why? Because when I joined up I knew what I had to do and I showed no mercy. No one, man woman nor child was spared. Why? I’m fighting for peace and for that goal any sacrifce is acceptible. Look around you, what do you see? Death, destruction, pain? You betcha, that’s war. But I can guarantee you that when it’s over someone will rule, and then there will be no more bombs, no more anarchy and no more soldiers. You see that woman over there? She’s in love. But because of where you’re born or who your parents are you can die. Her lover is on the other side. Tomorrow she could be called upon to put a gun to his head and blow his brains out. Is that fair? Hell no. But that is war. You know what would have happened to you kid? You would have been shot. Simply because of the place where you were born. It’s a sad time when we persecute and discriminate a person simply because of where they were born and who their parents were. I saved you becasue you are a fighter. And years from now you will go out into the galaxy and fight for peace, the waste of a noble future like yours is an outrage. I’m sorry to say this but from now on, you are no longer Miles Horus. He died back there with his mother. You are a new person, a freedom fighter. In the end the concept of war can be summarised into this: war is simply deciding who to kill. Think about it. That woman there: you think she wants to fight her lover? Hell no. Unfortunately some of us cannot choose who we fight for, who would you rather shoot? Your father? Or a stranger? That’s war and I’m sorry to say it, but that’s the god honest truth. Now, you are not Miles Horus, you are my son Angron Jenkins. You will be trained and I will make sure you are not like these soldiers, not like these savages, you will know what is just and what is right. Son, from this day forward, you are not a soldier of war, but a new breed: a soldier of peace.”
Angron looked up into the eyes of Rolf, dried away his tears and smiled. He would fight, and he would make sure atrocities such as the fall of Alpha would not happen again…

                                 10 years later....

He grasped his rifle, watching his surroundings carefully, he peered down at the base, at the beasts, the beasts with human shells, there were thousands of them… All ready to destroy his home.
‘Aint gonna happen…’ he thought. He let out a primal scream and charged into the night. And behind him two thousand armed men answered his call.
Angron Ironheart, the messiah of peace and his Crimson Protectors dashed down the slope, and descended like a hoard of banshees upon the helpless soldiers. That night ten years after the fall of Alpha to the day, Angron Ironheart became a legend… The soldier of peace… The protector of the weak and the saviour of the oppressed.

                                   5 years later....

Angron knelt at a grave, and wiped a tear away. He placed the flowers on the the gravel and stood.
“I did it father, I stopped the wars. For you.”

What do you think?

There is no such thing as a person not deserving to write here, Hayes, the only reason for that would be if you blatantly plagarized somebody and when that was pointed out screamed about it being yours. In lamer.
In the other thread, you asked for opinions and you got them. What you need to do is learn to deal with critisism, good as well as bad. When somebody tells you that your fic could be better, they do so because they want to help you become a better writer, unless it’s flames of course.

And this was quite good, actually the only thing I’d point out would be that with all those long lines it would be good with using paragraphs instead of just a linebreak, it would make it easier to read.

Well, most of it was just one big soliloquey explaining the nature of war. I don’t think I can write comedy, I think I’m more of a serious writer. Thanks Weiila :slight_smile: I guess it was about time I wrote something good huh?

I wish it wasn’t always just Weiila who makes comments on my stuff. It makes me feel as if I have no friends.

Practice makes perfect :slight_smile:
And come on, just one or two words, dudes and gals? cracks whip

;_; I feel so unloved.

Guess its Pierson to the rescue. I should have a costume.

It’s a good soliloquie. They’re really hard to do and you pulled it off alright.:cool:

Anyway, the only people (besides that Weiila mentioned) not supposed to write here are monkeys, anyone I’ve PPC’d, and Dark Lulu (ffnet author, don’t ask). You’re pretty good.:hahaha;

Dark Lulu? What’d she do? (I’m interested) I think I’ve heard that name before.

Dark Lulu borrowed Pierson’s setting from Diamond Dust (with his permission) and mutilated it :stuck_out_tongue:

Oh god she’s not that bitch that wrote FFX: The ring is she?
Setting? Which one? Err, enlighten me please :slight_smile:

The setting with a female lead character turning into Shiva, I read no further. And yeah, that Ring thing sounds familiar too…